Well, I Guess This is Growing Up

Hate: Taking more than one shower in one day.  Can't do it.  It's not even like I hate showering and avoid it at all costs, I just hate it when people take more than one in one day unless ABSOLUTELY necessary.  Meaning like a truck drives by you and sprays you with mud after you have already taken a shower.  Like if I know I'm going to work out later, I will not shower in the morning no matter how disgusting I am.   That's what hats are for.  I don't know why it bothers me so much.  I mean for me I won't do it because I hate having wet hair so shower = having to dry my hair which takes too long.  Also I can't take a shower and not wash my hair because that annoys me too.  Apparently I just have a lot of shower rules.  And since I don't like it, I think other people shouldn't like it.  Therefore, if you do it, you are stupid.  Maybe bad logic, but suck it, I do what I want.

Love:  The show "I Shouldn't be Alive" on Animal Planet/Discovery.  I may have already referenced it when I discussed how much I love TV reenactments, but there was a marathon today and it reminded me just how genius it is.  Seriously...those people shouldn't be alive.  That was not god testing you if that's what you think, that was him trying to kill you.  The show is a combination of awesomeness (which is a real word apparently, my spell check isn't saying it's spelled wrong), stupidity, excitement, sadness and reenactments.  How could it be better?  Today I watched one where a guy ended up eating his dog and I was SOBBING.  CAAAASHEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!  There was another where a guy was lost at sea for  fucking 3 months, and it might have been the greatest (most ridiculously hilarious) reenactment ever.  That guy was absurd and truly should not be alive.  No disrespect, I mean that guy is nuts and I'm not sure if anyone else in the universe could have lived, I'm just saying the reenactment was pretty funny.  Seriously, if you ever see it on, it is so worth it.

Woah, longer love than hate.  That's rare.  I was really excited about "I Shouldn't be Alive" earlier.

BYE,
theGrump

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Hate:  That elf in the movie Elf who says, "In a good way!"  He says this as they are discussing the things Buddy can do well in the elf community, and it is in reference to them saying Buddy brings the elf choir down a whole octave.  He is the worst.  It is the worst line in a movie, ever.  And I love Elf, so that's pretty hard for me to say.  It's so stupid, and just in general I hate when people chime in with crap like that just so they can be saying something.  We ALL really wish you would have just kept your fucking mouth shut.  I would kill that guy given the chance (too far?).  He's awful.

Love: Clementines.  Pretty much one of the best foods ever.  I think I could kick anyone's ass in a clementine eating contest, no problem.  I'm just constantly training.  I've had at least 6 today and its only 2 o'clock.  I'm really not kidding.  I'm probably going to eat another pretty soon.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
theGrump

You're Always Dressed to Kill

Since I shall be flying tomorrow, I thought of a good one...

Hate: People who wear obviously uncomfortable things on airplanes.  What is the point of this?  You know you aren't going anywhere important when you get wherever.  You're just going to your hotel or wherever to unpack and shower (because you're clearly the kind of person who would need to shower immediately just because you were on a plane).  Who are you trying to impress?  You know you hate your life right now.  My own mother is one of these people.  She seriously goes to the airport in a cardigan set and pearls and yells at me when I'm in sweats or leggings.  What the hell, madre?  All you're about to do is sit and possibly sleep in a horribly uncomfortable position for the next few hours.  It isn't that serious.  You might as well plan accordingly.  So, unfortunately, she is a part of the group that I judge (HATE) while people watching at my gate.  I'm glad you're about to be so uncomfortable for hours, and I hope we hit turbulence and you spill your diet coke all over you.

Love: Raising the roof.  The best dance (dance move?) ever.  Obviously the best way to express your appreciation for a song.  I mean really, whenever a musician plays a song, their most common request is for you to "put your hands up," because they know it, too.  If no one is raising the roof, no one likes you.  It really should be the USA's national dance.

<3,
theGrump

Carelessly Growing Up

Hate: Forced cursing.  It sounds SO stupid and awkward.  It makes me really angry when you can tell someone is only cursing to seem cool or something.  It makes me hate them a lot.  This is the prime reason why I absolutely despise Deb from Dexter.  She is the epitome of forced cursing and is the WORST.  I actually hate pretty much everyone on Dexter except Dexter.  But back to the point...forced cursing...not cool.  You sound like a fucking idiot.

Love: Soup.  It's so great in the right circumstances.  And in Seattle it is often a soup kind of day.  Best soup I've had recently was Thai pumpkin at some place on Elliott Bay.  I actually think it was called Elliott's Fish something or other...OH Elliott's Oyster House.  Check that puppy out.

LOVE,

theGrump

Shake Ya Ass, Shake Ya Ass

Sorry, I suck at this lately.  I'll try to think of a good one so I'll get good and angry...

Hate: THIS dress that is always on the show Say Yes to the Dress.

 WORST WEDDING DRESS EVER!!!!!  What the fuck is wrong with these people????  If you've never watched the show, obviously it's about brides to be trying to find their wedding dresses at Kleinfelds in NYC.  It is just horrific how popular this fucking dress is.  It makes me hate humanity that much more.  I mean...LOOK AT IT!  It's awful.  And not only are brides like "oh yea, this totally doesn't look like THE trashiest ever, this is a good use of thousands of dollars"  their families are like "yes, you look good, you should parade yourself around in this for an entire day while tons of people stare and photograph."  Seriously?  Some of these girls dads are there being like "oh yea, I'll spend money on this."  Perverted, much?  It is absolutely out of control.  This dress just screams, "I am the WORST."  The worst, I say.  I think I can pretty definitively say that I despise anyone who does not hate this dress as vehemently as I do.

Love: York Peppermint Patties.  Man.  It is one of the best candies ever.  I must say not as good as Cherry Republic Sour Cherries, but it is definitely a top sugar craving pick, and I have sugar cravings quite often.

:D
theGrump

I Wish They All Could Be California Girls

Hate: When people say bookbag or knapsack instead of backpack.  I don't have a lot of time here so I'll just get down to the point.  That is stupid and wrong.  You deserve to be on this blog.  Make better word choices, whore.

Love: JP Lees.  The greatest restaurant of all time, best owner of all time.  If you never went to JP Lees or met my love Charlie, well, your life will never be as good as mine, sooo...sorry about that.

Love,
theGrump

I Don't Want No Scrubs

Hate: People with normal names, but weird and unnecessary spelling.  Granted, it really isn't your fault that your parents gave you such an idiotic name, but really.  It was clearly just an excuse to piss everyone off that any of you ever meet.  So congratulations.  What could possibly be another point they're trying to get across?  That they're clever??  Nope.  Retarded.  When people say your name, obviously it's still going to sound exactly like everyone else with the normal spelling, but is just going to cause tons of annoying confusion when the spelling comes into play.  This gives way to a few problems.  No one is going to be able to pronounce it correctly when reading, because they'll think along with the dumb spelling will come a dumb pronunciation.  No one is going to be able to spell it correctly because why would anyone ever think to spell it another way than the normal way except your fucking "alternative" parents?  The worst part of this whole fiasco, however, is that someone with a name such as what I have described does not understand why I hate them.  They get all pissed when someone mispronounces/misspells their name.  So this goes out to you: You are not special.  No one gives a shit that your name is spelled like a dbag so calm down when people say/spell it wrong.  PS your parents clearly hate you.

Love:  Superlatives.  Saying things are the best or the worst or the anything-est is THE best.  The funniest, the cutest, the funnest, the dumbest, the shiniest, the biggest, the smallest.  I think you get it.

<3
theGrump

You Better Do Better

Hate: Manicures.  I don't see the appeal.  I hate having my finger nails painted anyway, I'm not sure why but it bothers me so much.  That aside, it is just so uncomfortable.  There is no way people think that feels good.  When they push down your cuticles and cut em up and "massage" it sucks!!  I do not like that.  The all time worst thing in the universe though is when they pull on your fingers.  Holy shit.  There may not be a worse feeling.  Right now my knuckles are hurting just thinking about it.  I hate the sound of cracking things anyway, I'm pretty sure I've written about it before, but I kind of get that it feels good.  When they pull on your fingers it makes me feel like I have huge air bubbles in my knuckles and like I need to crack all of my fingers and I don't do that so there is no alleviating the discomfort.  IT'S AWFUL!  Who told them this felt good?!!?!!?  I think they're fucking with us, because as I've already stated...IT'S THE WORST.  Seriously, if you could see my agony just writing about this right now you would understand.

Love: Hilarious pet names.  You can tell a lot about a person by the names they give their animals.  Normal human name=lame owner is the general rule, there are other names that are terrible and normal names that are ok, but just generally that's how I feel.  Here are some good names of pets that I know...Pants the dog, Sandwich the dog, Clancy the chinchilla, Nugget the dog, Chamberlin the cat, Pooter the hamster, Pork Roll the cat, Mr President the dog, Daddy the dog and I can't think of anymore.  So think hard whilst naming because it says a lot about you.  And I'm judging you.

<3
theGrump

Now's as Bad a Time as Any

I have not been being good about my hating recently.

Hate: People who backdoor brag/fish for compliments.  If you're proud of something you did, it's fine.  But if it was really all that great, people would already acknowledge it.  You should not have to say anything about it to bring attention to yourself.  It's the general lack of humble-ness that really bothers me.  Not to mention, you aren't being slick.  It's not like people don't know you are bragging about yourself or that you want them to compliment you about something.  There have been many occasions where someone has wanted me to compliment them on something and I just refuse because it annoyed me so much that they had to call attention to themselves so ridiculously.  Then there is a moment of awkwardness where they are waiting for me to say something and I just stare at them.  It's actually not awkward at all.  It's pretty hilarious because I'm not sure they know that I am doing this on purpose.  As for the backdoor bragging, if I EVER say "wow" to you in conversation, it does not mean I'm impressed with whatever you are talking about, it means you are bragging so much that I am about to punch you and I want you to shut the f up.  Seriously.  I want to stab your swelling ego with a pitchfork.

Love: Stache Bash.  Well every Stache Bash up to 2010, which was absolutely atrocious.  It's a party thrown generally by people associated with the Rutgers ultimate frisbee team and is the best party ever.  Guys have to grow a mustache, and if no mustache is grown, an epic one will be drawn on with permanent marker.  No beards either.  Someone mans the door at all times with permanent markers and razor in hand.  Unfortunately, Stache Bash will never be the same now that the Rutgers men's ultimate frisbee team think they're a frat instead of a bunch of nerds who play frisbee, but I am at least happy to have gone to the ridiculously epic Stache Bash's of the past and hosted an amazing one myself.

Love,
theGrump

I Don't Ever Want to See You Again, My Friend

Since I'm getting buzzed whilst making cupcakes right now, I'll hate on something alcohol related.

Hate: Sink pukers.  Really? In the sink?  If you're near a sink, I'm going to go ahead and say you are probably close enough to a bathroom to puke in the fucking toilet.  I understand that there are people too drunk to get to the bathroom...whatever, it happens.  The sink is what kills me.  There is hardly a worse place.  Yes, you are correct, there is a drain in the sink...but it is SIGNIFICANTLY smaller than the toilet.  It is not a good choice.  Ok, you can't think of, or get to, a toilet even though you're near a sink, maybe someone is already puking in the only available toilet, how about...OUTSIDE, ANYWHERE?!?!  Or a bag of sorts that can be quickly brought outside!!  Fucking amateurs.  Unless the next morning you want to be the one picking big chunks out of the sink, you better not do that extra shot.  Actually not even, if you are so dumb that even while drunk you can't decide that it is a bad idea to vomit in someone's sink, you need to not be drinking.  So, if you are a sink puker, first of all, you are too stupid to be drinking.  Second, you need to attempt to not do this lest I murder you at the next hootenanny.

Love: That time when I said, "What the hell?"  to Meredith.  I was saying it about a gigantic Asian tour group that randomly waltzed into the store in Vancouver.  Meredith however, thought I was being a pissy bitch about her brushing her purse against me.  She was upset and offended for a minute there.  It was amazing when we realized what had just happened.  Now whenever I say "what the hell" it is hysterical.  I realize not funny for you, but it is for me goddamnit, and for Meredith too if she ever reads this.  Love you schnookems.

:)
theGrump

Tengo Miedo de Noche

Hate: Canada.  I never really had any qualms with Canada until pretty recently, but since these events I've moved from indifference to hatred.  I hated in Europe when Canadian travelers would put a canadian flag on everything they owned, because god forbid someone mistook them for an American.  Who cares that much?  If it really matters to someone, just tell them you're Canadian, you don't have to parade it around.  And anyway, people all say they hate America/Americans (although I don't know why, it't not like we're stuck up douches who patch the American flag all over all our crap) but in reality, most of them are full of shit.  OK everyone, you guys didn't like Bush.  Get the fuck over it.  Lots of us didn't like him either.  Move on.  What may have been worse than the Canadians with the flags and pins and tattoos and whatever all over the place, were the Americans who did that so they could pretend they were Canadian.  Have some freaking self respect.  That annoyed me about Canada, but I would not have gone so far as to say I hated them yet.  This all changed when my brother and I had to take an impromptu trip up to Toronto.  He had a DUI at the the time, so I was driving.  We get to the Canadian boarder...and they wouldn't let us in.  They said he was banned FOR 10 YEARS.  What.  The.  Fuck.  Who do you think you are, Canada??  That is preposterous and that's pretty much all I can say about it.  Look where it has landed you?  My hate blog.

Love: Hats.  I am a hat person.  They make me happy.  Also, when I haven't showered in a while, they are the best thing in the world.  If I'm ever wearing a baseball cap, I am probably soo greasy under there. But no one would ever know thanks to my trusty hat.  Well now some of you know.  But most people.

Love,
theGrump

I've Forgotten What it's Like to Feel Normal

Hate:  The mom's voice in The Incredibles.  It is awful.  AWFUL.  What were they thinking??  What is SHE thinking???  I mean really, giving a VOICE ACTING JOB to that woman??  COULD THEY HEAR HER!?!?!??!!  I don't think I've ever heard a worse voice.  Ever.  I mean I assume you have seen The Incredibles, it's a fabulous movie, but she reeeeeallyyy brings it down.  I can't even explain how ridiculous it is you'd just have to hear her, I'll try though.  ACTUALLY!!!  I got it.  She makes everything she says sound like she has a lot of spit in her mouth.  I have discovered the basis of my hate.  She makes everything ever sound like she has lots of spit in her mouth.  I hate spit.  HATE, but I would be truly be glad if she spit, just so I could watch the rest of the movie without throwing up in my mouth repeatedly.  So, keeping in mind that I literally want to throw up every time I hear her, let me say that she was actually hired for another job.  She was hired for a milk commercial I think.  All I have to say to you is that milk grosses me out.  Her voice combined with milk to TOO MUCH!  Vomit.  Everywhere.  In conclusion, I hate the human race for, one, inventing her voice and two for producing at least two humans who want this voice to be an important part of their careers.

Love:  After dinner mints.  They make every dinner awesome.  It's weird because I kind of hate them because I just want to keep tasting the dinner and they kind of erase it, but I just love them.  It's an automatic 2 points on your restaurant review if you give me a mint.

WUV,

theGrump

It's Me and the Moon She Said

I'm freezing my buns off right now, so I've decided to hate on something warm weather related.

Hate: Above ground pools.  They are the worst.  First of all, they look absolutely horrific in your yard.  It is impossible to make a yard with an above ground pool look halfway decent.  You have officially turned your entire neighborhood into a trailer park.  And no one is happy about it.   What unclassy retard spends 1000 bucks, or whatever an above ground pool costs hopefully it is not more than $1000, to decrease their houses property value (because that grass under there is never growing back...assuming there is grass in your backyard, it may just be dirt covered with hay, I mean...you have an above ground pool) and make everyone who ever sees your house think you're a total douchebag?  Secondly, above ground pools are just not fun.  No self respecting child wants to play in an above ground pool.  They aren't deep enough or long enough to do anything cool in.  You can't do a proper jump, you can't throw stuff into the deep end to retrieve (because there is no deep end...womp womp), you can't race or see if you can hold your breath for the length of the pool.  I mean I can go on and on with awesome things you can't do, what can you do in an above ground pool?  Lounge.  LAME!  You can lounge anywhere, and anywhere else you wouldn't look like such a hick.  It is not worth the money you threw away on it just to be a glorified outdoor waterbed slash eyesore.

Whew, that got a little mean...oh well, this is my hate blog.

Love: Mustache stickers.  They are fabulous because everything looks more hilarious when it has a mustache.  I enjoy giving random household objects mustaches because then every time you catch a glimpse of the stache, it will make your day a little brighter because the mustache automatically makes everything look like it has an opinion.  Also, mustache stickers give rise to the greatest game of all time, and here is how you play: first stick the mustache onto the television screen, second play a movie, third drink every time it looks like someone is wearing the mustache.

<3,
theGrump

Put Your Left Foot In

Too much wine last night.

Hate: Cantaloupe and honeydew melon.  They are the worst fruits ever.  Let alone melons.  Hello, why would you choose those when watermelons exist?  For the record, it is not a fruit salad when it is 90% cantaloupe and honeydew with a few grapes tossed in there.  It is hell.

Love: Meaty and Beefy, Rob Dyrdek's dogs, and Daddy and Junior, Cesar Milan's favorite dogs.  Some of the best dogs ever, I mean not including the Dixie.  Also, congrats to Rob Dyrdek for giving his dogs such awesome names, and Cesar, you are my hero, and so is Daddy.  The cutest.

<3,
theGrump

We've Done Nothing Wrong

I am so not grumpy today, I mean I just saw The Deathly Hallows part 1 at midnight, how can I be?  But I'll go ahead and try this anyway.  Oh actually I have a good one that relates to life right now.

Hate: Going to see movies the first night they come out.  I realize I just saw the first showing of Harry Potter, but that's different and I'll tell you why in a bit.  Anyway, seeing movies the first night they come out.  Not cool.  The theater is always packed, meaning no matter what kind of movie you are attempting to see there will for sure be at least one group of big disrespectful d bags who will ruin the movie going experience for everyone.  And I did not just spend 10 bucks to go see a fucking movie only to be pissed off by a bunch of little shitheads that probably thought it would be HILARIOUS to robo-trip before going to see this movie.  God I hate kids (everyone).  I once tripped a kid for repeatedly running up and down the aisle during some movie...I'm pretty sure it was Blue Crush in middle school...  It isn't just these kids that are ruining the movie either, almost everyone there will be whispering, munching their popcorn, having to go to the bathroom, putting their feet up on my chair, breathing heavily and whatever else people could possibly do to annoy me.  I do it too, I like to comment to my friends while watching.  But when there are that many people doing it, it is not ok.  Also, in general I don't enjoy being surrounded by that many people.  As we know, I like very few people, and when a bunch of strangers are around me and smelly and annoying me while I'm trying to watch a movie, I am not happy and it just increases my hatred of everyone.  Just wait until the hype dies down a bit and you can see your movie in peace.  The theater will be less crowded, you can put your feet up, you can whisper to your friends without bothering anyone, and you won't leave the theater wanting to stab some tween and feeling like you're going to hell.   Now, the Harry Potter movies...tooottttalllyyyy different.  People in there are nerds.  They have been waiting MONTHS AND MONTHS to see this movie.  They had to buy their tickets the second they went on sale, and got to the theater hours early to get a good seat.  The second that little Harry Potter jingle in the beginning ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCNHVMIYqiA&feature=related ) starts to play, that theater is silent.  No talking, bathroom, eating, breathing.  Only laughing, gasping and crying, at the appropriate times.  And that is why it is acceptable that I saw the midnight showing of Harry Potter.  Maybe not on a socially competent level, but on a justifying doing something that I hate level.

Love: TV reenactments.  My god they are the greatest part of any show.  All I can think about is how hilarious it would be to be one of those people.  And one of my favorite things in the world is seeing a pre-celebrity celebrity in a reenactment.  It may be even funnier when the person who is telling the story is the person in the reenactment.  Some of my favorite reenactment-full shows are A Haunting, I Shouldn't be Alive, Locked Up Abroad, must I go on?  If you have not seen any of these shows, you are leading a sad, sad life.  I'm telling you.  They are the greatest.  You will thank me.

LOVEEEEEEEEEE,
theGrump

You're Crazy Beautiful

Hate: When the bottom of my foot itches.  It is the WORST feeling in the entire universe.  It's impossible to scratch, and when you try it's crazy ticklish yet also painful.  What is that about??  It is literally the itch you can't scratch.  I get legitimately angry when this happens to me.  This is not a drill.  Do not approach me until after I have found a way to scratch my fucking foot.

Love: I can't think about love.  MY FOOT ITCHES GODDAMNIT!!

-grumpmeister.

99 Problems

Hate: Germaphobes.  One, because those people are so annoying and useless, and two because being such a germaphobe is a health hazard.  I'm a generally clean person, but people take it too far, sterilizing things like they're in a hospital, not letting kids develop an immune system.  Get dirty, stop lysol-ing everything in sight you freaks.  This next generation of kids is going to be wiped the fuck out by some dumb bacteria they can't fight off because their immune systems suck.  Way to go, parents.  I'm very distracted right now and am having a hard time hating on germaphobes to the extent that they need.  All I need to say is it is not necessary and is going to be worse in the long run.  A little dirt is good for you.  Don't eat poop and you'll be fine.  Just fucking relax.

Love: The movie Elf.  I know a lot of people hate Will Ferrel, but Elf is amazing.  So many amazing quotes, some of my favorites being: Good news, I saw a dog today.  I PAINTED A PICTURE OF A BUTTERFLY.  (Buddy gets hit by cab).  CONGRATULATIONS!  Bye Buddy, hope you find your dad.  There, there.  I love you, I love you, I LOOVE YOUUUU.  As a rule to live by, Elf is watched repeatedly after Halloween until (and a little after) Christmas.  Then at some point in the summer it must be watched just because it's been too long, and everyone loves Elf.

Peace,

theGrump 

I'm Not One for Second Chances

Hate: Glee.  I mean, it's really truly awful.  This season more than last, but for entirely different reasons.  The first season you would watch and be like oh my god this acting is terrible, this drama is ridiculous, I hate every single character and the storyline is more predictable than a Disney movie, but I like the songs and I don't give a shit because I'm smiling.  Season two had really challenged my love for the show.  It's got all the same pros and cons of season one, but now it's getting all Fox political and religious and I feel like it has some serious anti-gay undertones.  I really do not appreciate it, Glee.  Not only that, but with every episode I feel a little more like the writers of glee have never attended public school and have almost certainly never met a gay person in their lives.  The thing I hate most is that even though I get more and more disgusted with the views they ever so subtly show every episode, I keep coming back for more each week.  I can't stop myself.  So I guess this is just me hating myself.  Go ahead, Glee, say whatever ridiculous things you want, I should just be able to keep myself from watching.

Love:  You guessed it...GLEE.  Like I just said...I can't get enough.  Even though I know how dumb the show is in general, and how mad it's starting to make me, I must watch it every week.  Being a big musical fan like I said last post, this show is just right up my alley.  The only character that I like is Sue Sylvester and that's only because she's hilarious.  Other than her, I like the music and that is all.  It's actually amazing how all I need are those two things to keep me coming.

Hopefully one of these days my conscience will kick in and I will be able to have some self restraint, but as for right now, I'm a freaking gleek and I don't care who knows it.

<3,
theGrump  

Cold Hard Bitch

Hate: When people drink things of gross consistencies.  I'm not sure if there are any beverages I disapprove of because of their consistency.  Milk sort of, whole milk is just not ok in life.  The real problem comes with drinking things that are not meant as a beverage.  Yogurt and applesauce to be more specific.  Drinkable yogurt I guess is a beverage that I disapprove of the consistency, but in general it should have NEVER become a thing.  And then there were those people it was made for, people who already would drink normal yogurt.  Not ok even if there were no utensils left in the universe.  No spoon...No yogurt.  Applesauce is pretty gross just being applesauce, but jesus christ don't you dare drink it.  Same idea as with the yogurt.   I don't even like when people drink soup without the aide of a utensil, like soup in the thermos...DISgusting.

Love: Musicals.  It is all I can listen to right now.  Rent, Hairspray, Wicked, Avenue Q, Spring Awakening, Newsies, etc.  I don't know why I'm so obsessed right now, but I so am.  It's been like a week of straight musicals.  Actually right now I'm listening to Destiny's Child...so apparently that's ok, too.

Thou shalt say my name,
theGrump

Even Scientologists Know There's More to All of This

I noticed someone did this today and it made me mad.  And obviously it was a person that I already hate for numerous other reasons.

Hate: When people say "on accident" instead of "by accident."   "On accident" just sounds THE WORST to me, although typing it these two times has made me see that writing it may be the worst.  Since I've always just hated it without any grammatical reason, I decided to check on it in hopes that I could have some actual grounds for my hate for a change.  It seems like people THINK that younger people say the terrible way and older people say "by accident."  I resent that, bitches.  I don't want to be grouped with all these idiots that don't say by accident.  Other than that, I basically found that most people seem to think both are acceptable (although after reading this, you know that one of them is clearly not acceptable), but there are a few sources that say by accident is the right way.  So we're gonna agree with those guys.  BY ACCIDENT 4 LYFE!

Love:  Sky Mall.  It is the greatest magazine in existence.  I get legitimately excited about it when boarding a plane.  It has both hilarious stuff that cracks me up for hours as well as things that I cannot live without, like the giant cupcake cake pan.  Which I bought.  And made many AMAZING giant cupcake cakes.

Luv,
theGrump

What's That Writing on Your Everything?

Hate: Things that come in that plastic packaging that is RIDICULOUSLY hard to get open.  You know, like electronics and whatnot.  It is absolutely absurd.  I don't care if it makes it harder to steal things, I just spent money I probably didn't want to spend.  I do not want to be made a fool of by sitting there for hours trying to cut the damn thing out with scissors and getting sliced with sharp ass plastic edges.  This isn't even a controversial hate, I know that every single person who ever reads this is going to agree with me.  What the frack packaging companies?  I hate you.

Love: When you're really cold and you get into your warm bed.  Best feeling ever.  I usually make a noise to sum up my excitement...it goes like this "eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!"  Very high pitched.  Kind of like a dolphin.  So happy.

Love,
theGrump

Dance Until We Die

Hate: People who are obsessed with Apple products.  Calm yourselves.  I confess, I do have a Macbook, but only because the price was right (700 bucks because I got it on crazy sale at ghetto ass electronic store in Patterson, NJ).  When I was looking for a new computer after my old one (a PC that lasted over 5 years and the only problems I had with it were due to my chinchilla eating off important keys such as the control, alt, shift, and g keys.  It's actually still kickin' back at home, too), I kind of wanted to know what was up with the Mac hype.  The only solid answer I could get was that macs get less viruses than pcs.  Really?  How much porn are you watching that you are willing to pay twice as much money for a fucking laptop?  Even the difference between the macbook and the macbook pro is dumb.  The guy at the Apple store basically said that they're almost the same, just the pro looks cooler because it's made of different material.  In fact my roommate has a macbook pro and doesn't get as good wireless connection as me, I used to be able to steal our across the street neighbors internet and she couldn't.  I really just hate that most people have a Mac because it's a Mac, and not for any real reason, even if they pretend they have a better reason than wanting to look cool.  Laptops aside, ipads are dumb.  Ipods aren't the only good mp3 player, yet admittedly are very convenient.  Etc etc.  Everyone stop trying to be cool.  Being weird and nerdy is much better.

Love: Good pickles.  This does not include the sweet variety.  I said good pickles, not nasty sweet ones. They are so effing delicious, definitely one of those things where I don't understand how someone could dislike them.  When I was little, my neighbor and I would drink the pickle juice out of teacups for tea parties.  Yep.

LOVEEE,
theGrump

I'm a Soldier and a Poet, but I'm a Dancer at Best

Hate: Sketchers.  Why is there a company that sells only the most hideous shoes.  I feel that their whole goal as a shoe company should be to not sell shoes that are the worst.  SOMEONE who works on their little design team over there must realize how awful all the products are.  Maybe it's a conspiracy, they aren't the stupid ones, the consumers are, they're just having fun seeing how ugly of products they can actually make a profit on.  Wearing sketchers products is a dead giveaway of your terrible personality.  So if you suck, I realize you'll be drawn to sketchers, but please do yourself a favor and stay away.  Or do us all a favor and kill yourself.

Love: My slush mugs.  Greatest. Product. Ever.  They legitimately make any drink you put in them into a slushie.  YOU CAN HAVE AWESOME SLUSHIES ALL THE TIME!!  In fact, sketchers and slush mugs are literally the two poles in awesome products.  Sketchers being the very least awesome thing ever and slush mugs being the absolute 100% most awesome.  I know you want one.  Trust me, you want one.  Here's the link.  http://glacierware.com/

<3
theGrump

Tired and Uninspired

Hate: People who put toothpaste on their toothbrush before getting it wet.  I don't really know what else to say except that is not how you do it.  You must first put water on the toothbrush THEN the toothpaste.  If you don't, the toothpaste is more likely to fall off your toothbrush than if you put the water on first.  I don't know how other people have not discovered this after years of brushing their teeth approximately twice a day.  I'm actually curious if people who put the paste on first will read this and be like OHHH that's why my toothpaste keeps falling off my brushhhhhh.  And just the fact that I think it's wrong makes the people who do it make me angry.  I realize I have a lot of rules.  Suck it.

Love:  Sour Jelly Bellies.  In general, jelly beans suck, but sour Jelly Bellies are what is up.  Totally delicious.  Almost every time I'm in line at Marshall's, TJMaxx, etc (which is a lot) I buy a little pack because they are the ish and those stores always have them because they're awesome.

Peacee,
theGrump

Cruisin' for a Bruisin'

Hate: Mayonnaise, mustard and relish.  These are the WORST condiments.  It is just dumb that they are even a thing at all when such good condiments, like ketchup for example, exist.  I actually have never even tried relish, but my understanding is that it is made of sweet pickles...and there is hardly a worse taste in the world than sweet pickles.  Why would they make a spread made of sweet pickles?  I'll tell you why, they are trying to disguise them because they know that given the choice between sliced dill pickles and sweet pickles for a sandwich, or anything else ever, everyone (or at least everyone who doesn't deserve a horrible death) would choose dill.  Mustard, besides being one of the worst smelling things on the planet, is an all around abomination.  Who would ever choose mustard when they could have ketchup?  Preposterous.  And don't even get me started on mayonnaise.  First of all, it's made of oil and egg yolks.  You're really going to eat that?  Then there is the consistency, which we all know is a huge thing for me.  It is the basis for all of my hates of consistencies.  It is like a combination of a gel and, I don't even know, I don't want to talk about it.  The consistency in combination with the squelching sound it makes when you get it out of the jar (do not even TALK to me about squeeze mayo) makes me want to BARF.

Love: This video.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-vtIljTDcA&feature=player_embedded

LOVE,
theGrump

Too Legit, Too Legit to Quit

Hate: Guys with fat necks.  It is the most unattractive thing ever.  The worst is they think they're all hot because it usually happens when they're really muscular, but seriously...your neck is wider than your head.  It is not cute.  To anyone.  Ever.  It is just not how a human is supposed to look and that's all there is to it.  How can someone get to a point where the diameter of their head is smaller than that of their neck??  There are so many levels to that question, too.  First, physically it's amazing that they have accomplished this feat because it just seems like it should not be possible for the muscles of your neck to swell so much that they overtake the width of your skull.  I mean, there is no reason for your neck to be bigger than your brain.  What are you using your neck for that it needs to be so beefy?  Second, it is nuts that someone looks at themselves on a daily basis in their bathroom and the gym and everywhere and thinks, "yea, this is good," or even, "yea, I don't look like someone with a freakishly fat neck right now."  You look absolutely narst.  I'm not sure where the positive feedback is coming from, but take it from me...you're disgusting.  Relax with the weight training until you resemble a human being.

Love: Hocus Pocus.  It is the best Halloween movie ever.  Pure gold.  I love it even though I hate Sarah Jessica Parker, but that's for another day.

<3,
theGrump

We Thought We Were So Smart

As I live in Seattle now and it is apparently about to start getting really rainy, I'll hate on my least favorite thing about rain.

Hate: Girls who wear Uggs in the rain or snow.  All I have to say is, JESUS CHRIST, UGGS ARE NOT WATERPROOF YOU DUMB SLUT.  I do not know who they think they're fooling, like "oh, no one will know my feet are soaked and frostbitten because my shoes have foam soles and a fake wool liner."  Or why that would be a thing you wanted people to think instead of actually just wearing appropriate shoes.  Especially because having wet socks is one of the worst feelings ever.  It is absolutely one of the most ridiculous things I've ever encountered.  So many girls do this and it is BAFFLING.  I don't know if in order to preserve the little neuronal activity they have, they can't feel temperature that far away from their brains or what, but seriously.  We all know your feet are wet and cold.  I hope you also know this.  There is quite possibly no worse choice of footwear, except maybe kitten heels (vom at the name kitten heels).  Please die.

Love: Coloring.  I wrote about loving crafts before, but coloring is another love of mine.  Coloring is such a great rainy/lazy day activity.  It's fun and you make something pretty and you don't have to get out of your pjs, what could be bad?  My personal favorite coloring books are Precious Moments, but they are ridiculously hard to find.  If you find one please give it to me?  I'm serious.

LOVE,
theGrump

I Have You Right Where I Want You

Hate: Chanting.  Of all kinds.  At sporting events, parties, concerts, shows, whatever.  It is so obnoxious.  I guess I just think I'm too hip to join in on these festivities.  Not really, I just think it's super annoying.  I don't know why people think yelling something over and over isn't annoying in some situations.  I think I'm just being less hypocritical than most people.  If someone/some people started chanting your name, or for you to do something on an everyday basis, you would absolutely kill them.  So why do people insist on using it as some form of appreciation/praise?  It's loud and annoying, saying something over and over is literally a strategy people use to annoy others.  If I am ever in a situation where everyone around me is chanting, trust, I do not give in to peer pressure.  I sit grumpily glaring around until the chanting is over.

Love: Asking my dog "What are you doing??"  Even though she is a dog and cannot answer me, she always gives the most hilarious answers.  She knows I'm talking to her but doesn't really know what to do about it.  It is the cutest and most hilarious thing ever.  Talking to all animals is pretty hilarious.  "What are you doing," is a pretty common question for me to ask, and just the general greeting, a very excited "Helloo!!!!"  They're so happy you're talking to them, but don't know how to answer you.  I need some furry animal to talk to and make me laugh.

Haha, I'm the weirdest,
theGrump

Don't Call Me Peanut.

Oops, it's been a while.  I'll try to do a good one, but I went apple and pumpkin picking today so it might be hard mustering up adequate hate.

Hate: When live babies and animals are computerized to "talk" on TV and in movies.  I don't mind giving them some sort of inner voice or even them being able to communicate and understand others inner voices...or normal voices, but the whole making the mouth move with it.  Not cool.  It is gross and scary and annoying.  Obviously it annoys me (and hopefully you) because it does not look right and because of it's lack of necessity (we get the baby/dog is supposed to be talking, but actually can't in real life), but something about it is so scary and gross.  I have to avert my eyes.  I think it's because their facial expressions aren't coordinated with the words, and for some reason it is terrifying.  It makes them look soulless.  And it's gross because it's so unnatural and therefore just doesn't sit well.  The mixture of these things makes me really angry that people would spend the time and money to do this when it is so clearly the worst thing in all ways imaginable.  Seriously, if even one person (ME) feels like you have single handedly made babies and animals disgusting, evil creatures, I think that should be reason enough to stop the madness.

Love: Google.  We were just discussing what would happen if Google disappeared one day.  The chaos that would ensue.  I would never be able to do ANYTHING without it.  I would never be able to find anything or know how to do anything, or know anything in general.  It guides my decision making, and as an indecisive person, I love it for that.

Loveski,
theGrump

Who Loves Orange Soda?

Just because I was shopping today and had one of those moments where I was like, "Those shoes are disgusting" and the person right next to me was trying them on, I'll hate on why she deserved it...

Hate: Kitten heels.  Both the name and the object.  In case you don't know what kitten heels are, they are those really short and skinny heels that should not exist (according to wikipedia they are stiletto heels of 5 cm or less in height...it annoys me even more, if possible, that there is such an exact definition).  What is the point of this hideous footwear?  If you're going to wear a heel at all, man up and wear one that #1 makes your legs look hot and #2 doesn't make everyone want to punch you.  That's right, everyone wants to punch you because of your DUMB shoes.  It's painful to think that I live in a society where someone could pick up a pair and think to themselves, "hmmm, I do not want to gouge my eyes out with this abomination."  Also could they have a more annoying name?  The kitten heel is by far the most ear splitting title for an object ever.  I mean, I think I would like the person who named them if only because they clearly also hated them.  And if they didn't hate them, then I think this could be my most hated person in history.  Move over Hitler, the person who named kitten heels is coming through.

Love: OK, so you know when you need to go diagonally across a busy street, so you need to cross two crosswalks?  It is THE best when you cross one when it says walk (actually when it is like walk/blinking don't walk) so you get to the other just as it's turning to walk so you don't have to wait at all!!  Obviously I get annoyed a lot about a lot of things, but seriously look how easily amused I am.  When this happens it makes my day...SO so good!!

<3,
theGrump

I Haven't Got a Stitch to Wear

Hate: Birds as pets.  Birds are so obviously the worst pet.  First, it seems terrible to keep something that should be flying its heart out in a cage.  Then there is their annoying squawking.  That is the worst sound that comes out of an animal.  It is in no way endearing.  I also don't like the fact that they don't have fur, although I cant explain why this only applies to birds and not reptiles.  I guess because reptiles are just all around cooler than birds.  I think the bulk of this hatred lies in how much I hate pigeons, seagulls and crows.  I hate them so much that my love of penguins can't even make up the lost ground.  Their poop falls from the sky and they don't move when you're walking down the street and they make annoying noises and they pester you when you're at the beach ETC ETC.  They are all terrible and it makes me hate all birds.

Love: Interracial couples and the babies they produce.  Interracial couples are the cutest, love them.  Especially old ones who were couples before it was cool.  GOD they are the cutest.  Secondly, mixed babies are (almost) ALWAYS the cutest babies, and then later on in life they become the most good looking people.  It's the best of both worlds.  Occasionally there is some terrible mixing of genes that does not work, but in general...super humans.

:)
theGrump

You a Bug-A-Boo

Hate: When people say "hate is a strong word."  It's not.  There are much stronger words of distaste than hate.  Especially these days, it almost means nothing.  It's just like I really don't like that.  Take me for example, if hate was such a strong word I would have a very serious problem in normal society.  Because I truly hate all the things I say I do, some more than others, but it is most definitely hatred.  I can deal with them when I'm out and about, I just make a mental note of hating and move on.  If I loathed or despised these things I feel like it might be a little harder to just get on with my life after witnessing one of the things I describe.  Also, back up off me, I hate what I want.  Don't tell me I dislike something too much, you don't know me!  (I also hate when people say, "you don't know me.")

Love: Getting my hair cut.  I really need one and I'm so getting one this week.  I'm definitely not one that gets nervous about getting my hair cut, I'm easy to please.  And it feels so nice when they wash your hair and when you leave it looks and feels the best it's going to until the next time you get it cut.  Eeee, can't wait for the cut.  I believe I'm going to go to Salon Swagger.  Get some mad swag.

Love,
theGrump

I Wanna Publish Zines and Rage Against Machines

Hate: When people get all pissed that Americans say soccer instead of football.  Also Americans who say football, don't give in to those stuck up English douches.  How come we are the only ones who people care about saying something other than football because soccer "makes no sense."  British English and American English are different, we say different things all the time, and American English is better, so back the fuck up.  We aren't even the only country that doesn't use football.  A lot of languages only use it phonetically, so in their language it doesn't actually mean foot and ball and therefore makes just as little sense as soccer so suck it.   Does fut mean foot in Spanish?  Does calcio translate from Italian into foot and ball?  In fact, right now I'm going to list all the languages that don't use a direct translation that "makes sense."  Afrikaans, Albanian, Catalan, Czech, Estonian, French, Galician, Hungarian, Icelandic, Indonesian, Italian, Latvian, Lithuanian, Malay, Maltese, Polish, Portuguese, Romanian, Slovak, Slovenian, Spanish, Swahili, Turkish and Vietnamese.  Who's wrong now, bitch?
My lovely, soccer loving friend has just informed me that the word soccer is actually a British slang term.  A little hypocritical, don't you think?  Sooooooo....EAT IT YOU EFFING LIMEYS

Love: Dixie.  She is my dog and she is the greatest animal in existence.  You may have thought that your pet was, but let me assure you that you're wrong.  The Dixie is numero uno.  We found her in Michigan (one more reason why Onekama is amazing) and she is THE cutest and the smartest dog ever.  No, there are no exceptions there when I say ever.  She has hilarious eyebrows, and you can put her hair in a mohawk or spikes or whatever you please.  JUST LOOK AT THAT FACE!  You know when you get a puppy and they're so cute and you're just obsessed, but then when they enter the dog phase some of that obsession kind of dies down a little..never happened with Dixie.  She is cuter than even the most adorable puppy.  Or any other being ever.  I love her so much that sometimes when I really miss her, I'm just going to write her as my love again.  So you'll be hearing from her in the future.

Aw, I miss my pup.

...

theGrump

She's the Party Queen and She's in Party Heaven

This didn't start off this way, but apparently it's going to be a kid's themed blog today.

Hate: Thomas the Tank Engine.  He was the worst and his show was the worst.  I always hated him even as a child.  Trains are stupid.  The mouths change expressions but don't even move when they talk.  Every single object on that show had the dumbest voice.  Also, I really hate, and have always hated, the narrater's voice.  AND they couldn't even hire other people to be the voices of the different characters??  Maybe the reason the show sucked so much was because it was just that one guy doing everything.  It was just him with all his sucky toy trains in his apartment (aka the basement of his moms house).  All of my toys were so much cooler than those stupid toys and I could have made a much more entertaining show, AND the animation would have been just as good.

Love: Lollipops.  Such a good candy.  I don't know why the stick makes them better than other hard candies, but IT SO DOES.  And people still give them out for free!  I love going to the bank and the doctor.  For any other young adult I'm sure it's a chore, but I'm like WAHOOO LOLLIPOP!!!

Later alligator,

theGrump

Pump, Pump, Pump it Up

I used to kind of make the title have something to do with the hate...I don't know what happened to that. Oh well.

Hate: Seltzer.  What a terrible drink.  It tastes like salty carbonation.  I didn't really have any horrible feelings towards seltzer until I went on my little eurotrip.  During our stay we discovered, much to our dismay, that Europeans LOVE seltzer.  This caused a lot of depressing times because when we were hungover and dehydrated and had to get up to travel, or just every day when we were hungover and dehydrated, it was very often a toss up whether we were buying seltzer or water.  It was so hard to tell the difference in some countries!  Things weren't in english and people didn't speak english, etc. so we would spend hours (ish) trying to decide which drink was water and which was seltzer before buying, but we were wrong...a lot.  Opening the caps was always the big moment, like oh man, here it goes, this going to make me the happiest ever or am I going to want to smash someone's face.  And then the fizz noise.  Smash.  Terrible because aside from being an awful drink all around, seltzer is the WORST hangover drink.  Every time that I bought seltzer by accident increased my hatred ten fold, and now here I am, the biggest seltzer hater in all the land.

Love: The transitive property.  The transitive property states that if A=B, and B=C, then A=C.  This is by far the greatest thing to ever come out of geometry.  So fabulous to use in every day life.  I haven't used it in a while, but after this, that is clearly going to change.  

<3,

theGrump

I've Got a Grand Idea!

Hate: Going to clubs.  I have already expressed my distaste of some of those dancing at clubs, however I did not go into detail about the venue in itself.  What is the appeal of going to a dance club?  Reason for hatred number one, they are always WAY too crowded, and from the contents of this blog you can estimate that I hate approximately 98% of people there.  I do not enjoy surrounding myself with people I despise, and that is one surefire way to do it.  Reason two, it is too effing hot up in that piece.  Sweating profusely is not something I like, I might even go so far as to say I hate it.  Why bother dressing up to go to a hot ass, dark club, when by the time you leave and anyone can actually see you, you look like a sweaty, hot mess?  Reason three, in order to attend said club, because sometimes I am pretty much forced into going or else I will be sitting at home alone knitting, I have to be EXTREMELY drunk, or else I will surely get in a fight with one of the MANY people I hate.  There's nothing wrong with being extremely drunk and dancing, but it's almost impossible to get a drink, AND you have to squeeze up next to the worst of the worst kinds of people there, AND the drinks are dumb expensive.  Do they not realize that I need to stay drunk or else I can't force myself to stay at their dumb club?  Reason four, guys that attend clubs are the worst.  They are never cute or charming or smart or have any game or rhythm.  Get. Away. From. Me.

 I wouldn't say that those are the only reasons for not attending a club, but I'd say those are some good ones and I'll leave it at that.

Love: My favorite vacation spot, Onekama, MI.  Now I don't want anyone to go stealing it on me, because I don't want it to be contaminated with tourists, although it kind of needs it.  It is the best place for the summer.  Perfect weather, a non crowded beach with no salt or sharks, boating, wave running, drive in movies, cherry picking, dune climbing, copious drinking, lack of police force, overall debauchery, and the coolest kids you know...my fam.  Get ready to be jealous.

Yep, that's for beer pong on the lake.

My beach, where you won't get eaten by a shark.

Game promoting daytime drinking, check.

Aw, my lake.

Ya burnt,
theGrump

Shhhhhhhh, I'm Listening to Reason

Hate: Super perfumed soaps and people who use them.  Your soap is TOO smelly, and therefore YOU are too smelly.  Now instead of smelling clean, you smell like you bathed in nasty cheap perfume and need to be outcast lest the particles travel to the general public and we all stink.  There is just NO point in bathing if you are going to smell overwhelmingly terrible after, too.  Instead of smelling clean, you just smell like you're trying to cover up an even worse stench, if a worse stench is possible.  I actually probably would prefer your natural musk.  To me, the goal of bathing is to not smell at all, or to only smell nice to those who are REALLY close to you.  This is my philosophy because if everyone chose to smell as strongly (and disgustingly) as you, could you imagine the chaos??  The world would be too smelly a place.  You would never be able to smell anything good ever again.  So bottom line, stop interrupting my daily life  with your overwhelming odor.  Use Dove soap or a mild smelling body wash and call it a day.  That is all.

Love: Leggings being in style.  As a person who hates wearing pants, leggings are one of the greatest things to have ever happened.  I can now practically never wear real pants and it's ok.  Thank you leggings.  Thank you.

LOVE,
theGrump

Rain, Rain, Rain On My Mind

I know this kid http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TS4w5vhFbns&has_verified=1said this in his little hate video, but I swear I already hated it AND already had my hate list.

Hate: When couples sit on the same side of the table.  Must you be touching at all times?  You disgust me.  Or maybe your little girlfriend there is giving you a hand job under the table (sorry for that, but for the record, saw it happen once in Friday's in College Park, Maryland).  There is a reason tables for two are set up with the seats facing each other, it is so the people can look at each other when they talk to each other because that is normal and not awkward.  Like you.  You're fighting nature and making everyone angry and a little uncomfortable.  I think you can put your cuddlefest or whatever other reason you think could possibly be excusable (it is not by the way) to sit next to each other on hold for the hour you are out to eat because no one wants to see that, and also you are sitting wrong.  How annoying is it to think that when the host/hostess seats them she sits them across from each other and then they MOVE to sit next to each other.  Infuriating.  I think if I ever see this happening from now on I'm going to have to say something, because I mean, what do they think they're doing??

Love: Cherry Republic Sour Cherry Patches.  The best candy ever.  I recently ran out of my stash left over from Michigan this summer and I am so sad about it.  It is possible to order online, but if I go there, there's no turning back.  However, I wouldn't let you miss out on such a delicious opportunity so if you want to try, or you know if you want to send a case to your favorite ginger, here's the website http://www.cherryrepublic.com/product/Sour-Cherry-Patches-1lb/cherry-candy

Love,
theGrump

I Wanna See You Explode

Hate: The noise of cracking joints.  I cannot stand it.  So obviously, I hate people who crack their joints on a regular basis.  Fingers, toes, necks, whatever.  That is so fucking disgusting.  The weirder the joint, the more disgusting it is.  I'd say the order from least disgusting to most goes, fingers < back < neck < toes < knees < wrists < hips  < anything else I might kill you.  Not only is it a little gag reflex trigger, it makes me physically feel pain.  Watching someone crack their knuckles makes my fingers ache and so on.  The pain is worse with weirder joints.  I don't know why this happens, but obviously I do not like it so you need to STOP that.  I am already cringing and gagging, I do not also need to be in pain.  So officially for the record, no, I will not crack your back. Not only would I have to hear it, but also kind of feel the cracking take place. That is suuuper not ok.  And again, my joints crack from time to time, and the same goes for me.  I hate it, and I get equally grossed out even though mine is unintentional.

I'm going to have to cut this short because I am starving and want to go make some dinz, quick love...

Love: Maoz.  Look it up.  Bomb.

One love,
theGrump

10 Second Dance Party

Hate: When people use the abbreviations "u" "2" "b" "r" etc.  Really?  Those are the shortest words ever.  If you insist on abbreviating something, then at least do it with practical words.  For example, words with more than 3 letters in them.  And in what context are you so rushed that you need to save those .0002 seconds?  If your deadline is that important, then I'm assuming it is also a deadline for something where, "wut r u doing 2nite" might not be appropriate.  There is absolutely no point in training your fingers to type this way because eventually when you are actually typing something important, you'll just have to spend even more time fixing dumb errors (because if you don't, whoever is going to read said important document will think you are a fucking idiot).  See?  It's just plain ol' logic: You lose more time in the long run correcting your asinine abbreviations than you actually save in typing like a douche in the first place.

Love: People falling.  Mean, I know, yet it is so funny.  This is probably why I love AFV so much, it's a lot of falling.  I'm not a sadist or anything, it's just people make the most hilarious faces when they know they are going to fall.  My all time favorite fall is not an outright fall, but when someone stumbles and is inevitably going to fall, but they still try to run so their feet catch up to the top half of their body.  I just tried to find a good video but forgot I was on a mission and ended up watching like a half hour of AFV clips.  So just use your imagination.

Wuv,
theGrump

Hood Rat

Hate: People who brush their teeth in the shower.  That is so gross, why would you ever?? First of all, when you spit, you'd get spit on your feet.  Unacceptable.  Secondly, brushing your teeth with hot water is nastyyy (I assume, since I have never done this).  No one wants to drink just hot water.  It tastes wrong.  Ew.  People want cold water.  Cold water is refreshing and normal.  I doubt you're taking a cold shower, so stop being so gross.  It's not even a time saver.  If you brush in the shower, your shower is going to be 2 minutes longer anyway, you might as well do it in the sink like a normal person.  And if you brush in the shower are you also going to floss and rinse with mouthwash?  I didn't think so, chief.  Stop being weird and disgusting.

Love: My PBR watch.  My prized possession.  Quite possibly the greatest thing ever purchased for five dollars.

Bam.

Love,

theGrump

Soup! There it is

Hate: Non-homemade baked goods.  Not even things that aren't made from scratch, just things that come premade in a box.  I don't see how there is a market for these products.  Americans are retarded.  The thing I hate is that people buy them and pretend like they are a good alternative to anything they make.  No.  You could pretty much make ANYTHING out of ANY box and it would be a million times better than that garbage.  It's not like my mom was this amazing baker and made anything crazy that would set my standards higher than anyone else, so this is what I don't get...How could someone buy some Entamen's shit and be like, yum!  This is going to be great!  What??  No it's not! It's been sitting in that paper and plastic packaging for weeks, it's going to be the worst!!  A little surge of hate boils up any time someone offers that shit to me.  Hell no I do not want that.  How dare you.

Love:  The idea of tripping someone.  It's pretty much hilarious.  I mean I don't trip people very often, but I think I really should trip people I hate more.  Everyone should.  Not only is it a huge inconvenience for them, but it makes them look like an idiot and everyone gets so mad when they trip.  It's the most amusing thing ever.

One,
theGrump

Drunk Goggles are REAL

First hand experience.  Right here.

Hate: Mouth breathers.  You are wrong, kids.  On a serious note, your mouth is literally not meant as a primary source of air intake.  Breathing through your mouth is actually bad for you, it is a sign of health problems and also causes health problems.  Your nose, on the other hand, is right.  No health problems there...it filters and warms the air that goes into your lungs, creates the right pressure and therefore oxygen/carbon dioxide exchange, and you won't die in your sleep.  On a still serious but less scientific note, breathing through your mouth makes a disgusting noise.  What have I told you about making noise?  Do not do it.  Be quiet.  Your mouth is all dry and you are rattling like death (or for you Harry Potter lovers out there...a dementor) and I want you to shut it.  If there is something wrong with you, fix it.  I do not care if this involves blowing your nose or reconstructive surgery.  Just.  Do.  It.  No one wants to listen to you as you die slowly from potential hypertension, or be reminded that you are going to die quickly because of sleep apnea complications.  Close your goddamn mouth.

Love: Crushed ice.  Far superior to cubed in texture and overall drink appeal.  It kind of makes everything into a slushie, and who wouldn't love that?  Clearly the correct cooling device for a beverage.

Love,
theGrump

Sweepy

I wrote a whole effing blog and it got deleted and now I'm even MORE grumpy.  BAHH.

Hate:  Getting hit on.  Not getting hit on as in a normal conversation where it is mutually understood that the person is hitting on you, but the kind where the guy comes on WAY too strong and is just spewing retarded compliments and bad pick up lines.  This would be a few sentences strung together that may include (but are not limited to) one or more of the following words or phrases: fine, sexy, damn girl, hottie, mmmmm, any dumb pick up line used in a serious manner, etc.  Listen up, if you think you are attractive to a girl after giving her that bullshit, think again.  We do not want to hear it.  At least I do not want to hear it and I can't imagine someone else finding it at all enjoyable and that's all that matters for the sake of my blog.  For me, this is more like sexual harassment than a come on.  It's synonymous to guys cat calling when a girl walks by.  I mean honestly, have they EVER gotten a positive reaction??  Whyyy do they keep doing it??!?!  Not only are these guys are usually the guys that can't get a hint, I know I'm not the first or last girl of the night you've attempted to pick up and I am not in the least interested, but even more these are the guys that clearly are incapable of learning from past mistakes, aka obviously this strategy has not been working.  Not to call you out or anything boys, but I can think of a few mental disorders that have these symptoms.  In conclusion, keep your horniness to yourself.  It is not cute.

Love: Penguins.  This is big because, generally, birds are a hate of mine.  But penguins just have that natural charm.  What can I say?  I love the waddle.  They are far too cute and hilarious for their terrible weather conditions.  But I guess if they weren't there they wouldn't be so fat and adorable.  There are so many different kinds too and all are too cute.  I want a pet penguin like that guy in Japan, and it's going to wear a backpack and waddle along with me wherever I go.

Peace,
theGrump

Smelly Cat

Hate: Abercrombie's stench.  You don't even have to go into an Abercrombie and Fitch to be subjected to it's horrific odor.  You only have to be within an approximately 1 mile radius of a store.  I literally am on the verge of gagging just walking by, even if I'm across the street.  I don't understand how there are living people inside.  How could they not have immediately suffocated upon entry?  How or why that smell is so strong is a mystery.  I can't believe that they don't know that it's the WORST.  I bet if they looked closely, there would be a hole in the ozone above every Abercrombie. This is a matter of public and environmental safety.  It must be stopped.

Love: DJ Lance Rock, aka the host of Yo Gabba Gabba.  I love everything about him, from his furry marching band hat to his spandex onesie to his awesome dance moves.

Ahhh, the best.  Everyone should watch Yo Gabba Gabba.

Love,

theGrump

Dummies

Hate: When people intentionally use bad grammar.  I do not understand the appeal of sounding stupid or it's intended message.  It is so dumb.  I know that I end sentences in prepositions all the time and whatnot, but one: I don't care and two: it's not the same because I'm not intentionally doing it to...I don't even know what!  Sound cool??  That is retarded.  I may hate that mentality more than anything (except maybe fat people with skinny legs). Why would you go out of your way to say things wrong?  I know you know it is wrong and I HATE you for it.

Love: Mini anything.  Meaning anything that is smaller than normal size.  Ideally this object will fit into my cupped hands.  Almost always better than normal sized things.  THE cutest.

Love,
theGrumpp

Spice Up Your Life

Oh, time to hate again?  Good.

Hate: When the volume of the TV (and other electronic devices) is on the wrong volume number.  The right numbers clearly being multiples of 5.  I have a thing about numbers, kind of like the time thing.  I can't explain it but I have a few number things and this is one of them.  It makes me anxious, I reeeally don't like it.  In school when we used to watch things in class I learned to not look when the teacher messed with the volume because I knew they wouldn't do it right.  I also realize that this may not always be the most practical thing, so I have learned to deal with other numbers, some of them by finding patterns that I like and some just because I decided they're ok.  Some of these are 8, because its a cube, 11 because it's my fav number, 12, because of a long complicated thing involving 2, 3, 4 and 6 that I enjoy, 16 because it has a fourth root, and so on.  I think my crazy is showing.

Love: Lists.  Hence the hate list.  I cannot get through my day without making at least one list.  Doesn't everyone just feel more accomplished when they can cross things off a list?  It's the only way I can self motivate.

Love,
theGrump

A Dog Named Farfle

It's still the 21st in Seattle

Hate: Dogs that don't like to be pet.  What am I supposed to do with that??  I don't need you to hunt or be my guide dog, so what is your use if I cannot pet you?  I need to pet.  You are cute and I want to pet you and you to wag your tail.  I mean I still love it because it's a dog and I'm obsessed, but I hate it as a...person?  Usually since I love the dog so much just because it's a dog, I really just hate the owner for making their dog suck so much.

Love: VH1 reality TV.  Amazing.

Weak, but I just don't care,
theGrump

If You're Down, Then Get Down

So I just watched an episode of 30 Rock so I'm not the grumpiest right now, but we'll see where this goes.

Hate: Being late.  I am the most prompt person you know.  I cannot handle being late, it is the MOST stressful.  I can barely handle being just on time.  I can't even handle when other people are late to something that doesn't involve me in any way.  But, the true hatred lies in other people making me late.  Good god, if you make me late there will be issues.  SO rude!  How could you be so inconsiderate of my obsession with being on time.  When we set a time, that is the time.  Otherwise what is the point of setting that time, why didn't we make it later if you were going to be goddamn late.  I will be ready early, I understand you don't have to be , but you better fucking be ready at the moment that time comes because THAT WAS THE AGREEMENT.  I do hate tardiness, but I somehow think am physically incapable of being late (as long as it isn't your fault).  It just will not happen.  Once I woke up at 7:52 when I had an 8 AM lab on a different campus and I still made it.  It just seemed like it should not have been able to happen, I was so confused when I walked in and it was still 8 o'clock.  The time space continuum apparently doesn't apply to me if there is a chance I might be late.  This isn't always a good thing.  There have even been times when I have tried to be late for something informal because I thought to myself "No one else is going to show up forEVER, just be like 15 minutes late."  This specific time I ended up getting there one minute late.  Not even a minute late, when I looked at the time when I got there it was just turning to 8:01 so I was really only like 55 seconds late.  And I tried so hard!  As I mentioned, I even feel the stress when someone else is/is going to be late.  My old roommates were...one might say not quite as timely as I was, and I never understood why they weren't freaking out like me.  Do other people not feel this stress?  I'm freaking out right now thinking about it.

Love: Being scared.  It is the best feeling.  The problem is I get scared really easily and I will stay scared for a very long time.  I remember I was terrified for weeks after seeing "The Ring."  But somehow I still love the feeling.  I mean even dumb shows like Paranormal State and occasionally A Haunting (a HILARIOUS show btw) scare me and so I love to watch.  For the record I have screamed on 2 separate occasions while watching a haunting.  Yep.  So even though I love the rush of being scared...I may sleep with my lights on for a few nights afterwards...

<3
theGrump

Telephone.

Hate: Talking on the phone.  I haate it.  I'm just bad at it, and I don't like to be bad at things.  Also it's always so awkward.  Maybe my being bad at it makes it awkward, but regardless, so uncomfortable.  I never have enough things to say and there are always long pauses where I just want to hang myself.  The worst is when the other person also sucks at talking on the phone and we literally cannot hang up because neither one of us knows how to say bye.  God, it's terrible.  I always end up interrupting a long awkward pause pretty much yelling OK WELL BYE.  Most of what I need to say to you can be written in a one or two sentence text, I don't need all this dialing, ringing, talking business.  When people call me I never answer because I just don't want to.  Don't like.  On more than one occasion I have deliberately not answered a phone call because I hate them and then immediately texted the person right after asking what they want.  And obviously when I call someone I'm not going to leave a voicemail because I hate them, which brings me to another problem because I hate when people don't answer my call.  I know this is hypocritical because I never answer my phone, but it's like I'm probably only calling you because you initiated some sort of situation where I have to, and if you don't answer it pisses me off.  I spend time getting over the initial anger that I have to call you and you don't answer, you're a fucking bastard.

Which brings me to the love of the day...

Love: Texting.  The best form of communication.  There are so many times in my day where something weird or funny or terrible happens and I have no one with me to immediately share it with, so I can just text someone...or everyone.  For example, yesterday after a night of me being WAY too drunk, I woke up and looked at my outgoing calls and noticed that 911 had been dialed.  And I was like oh...whoooooops.  So I texted a few people informing them because I thought it was pretty hilarious, and I texted my roommate, hoping she would know what happened and if I did it on purpose, haha.  Also, I never get annoyed with texting because they don't have to answer immediately, or ever really, because it's just a text.  There is one small texting problem but it just comes from my own ocd, not the texting process.  I really dislike having texts in my sent/received box so I have to immediately delete them right after I send/read them.  This causes two problems, 1. sometimes people answer me, but it's been a little while and I forgot what I said to them which is a little awkward, and 2. I tend to keep up this habit during a night of drinking so I have no way of recalling the drunken texts I sent out in the morning.

So from this post you have learned not to call me, and also I'm minorly an alcoholic.  Good.

LOVE,
theGrump

Straight Clubbin

So this was decided last night whilst out on the town.

Hate: Going dancing.  Actually, I rather enjoy going dancing with my friends.  What I really hate is the boys one comes across when dancing.  That may make me sound like a big lesbian, but I just want to dance with girls.  No offense dudes, but almost all guys have no rhythm.  It's sad because the way people dance these days, you pretty much have to do nothing except sway.  It's not so difficult.  Seriously, you don't even have to move your appendages at all.  Bad dancing aside, dancing is juuust awkward.  Do guys really think I want a stranger to suddenly dry hump me in a dark sweaty club?  Nope...no I do not.  I should turn around and mace your ass.  Well not your ass.  Your face...specifically your eyeballs.  What ever happened to the good ol' twist.  Maybe a little jive.  If it's just me, so be it.  But I'm throwing it out there anyway.

Love: 30 Rock.  Tina Fey is a genius.  So now I will just write a string of awesome quotes.  I'm buying all the hot dogs.  Live every week like it's shark week.  Lemon out.  (Windmill highfive).  As my good friend, and fellow foxhunter, Mary J Blige once said, "No more drama."  Keep your friends close, and your enemies so close you're almost kissing.  Where are the fries I did not ask for?  You need to anticipate me!  Did he just say the word pumpkin to me?  My muffin top is all that, whole grain low fat.  Spooky, scary werewolf bar mitzvah.  It's like an owl without a graduation cap, heartbreaking.  You know what I always say...BLACK LIGHT ATTACK.  Nerds.  Just be normal sauce for like 5 minutes.  Ya burnt.  Well cotton and fiddles, I like your smile!  There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party cause a Liz Lemon party is MANDATORY.  Who are the biggest gossips on TGS? Grizz and Dot Com!!  I love it so much I'm gonna take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant!  Like a dog in a sidecar when it comes loose from the motorcycle.  Workin' on my night cheese.  Put the mimosa down, bitch!  She's a good actor, I bought those pajamaralls.  Do you want to yell at the moon with Buzz Aldrin?  Mmmm hugging...so ethnic.  I want to go to there.  Randy's GAY everyone.  He's gay.

That was such a tease.  I need to watch.

LOVE,
theGrump

POPCORN CRAVING

Hate: Toe walkers.  You know.  Those people who practically skip around because they walk on the balls of their feet.  It's not ok.  Walk normally.  I don't understand, don't you see another human being and immediately think, "Oh, I'm doing this wrong.  No one else is walking like an idiot..."

Ehh, that's about as much hate as I can muster at the moment.  And it's hard to type with my dumb finger.

Love: Naming things.  I really appreciate a good name, probably because my name is so dumb.  Really.  It's for nuns.  I like everything to have a name and I like it to be a hilariously awesome name.  There are a few types of names that are preferable to others, one of which is a name of the same ethnicity of what I think that object would be if it were a person.  Another type of name that I approve of is a name that is a clever play on words.  For example a cat named cat benetar or chairman meow.  And lastly, I like names that are either a different animal or some random object, kind of like celebrity children.  My brother is very good at naming.  Props to JT.

LOVE,
theGrump

Hate on Me

Who doesn't love a little self loathing?

Hate:  My UNBELIEVABLE accident prone-ness.  I wouldn't mind it so much if I hurt myself doing cool things, but I always hurt myself doing absolutely nothing.  I mean nothing.  In 2nd grade I broke all the toes on my right foot lining up for a field trip to the police station by my teachers desk falling on my foot.  Yep.  I tried to pretend like I was fine because I wanted to be able to collect all the cop cards (a DARE thing, don't ask).  The first time I broke my foot, I was WALKING to my next door neighbors house.  Since then I have broken it walking in the mall, watching an ultimate frisbee game (yes, watching), and in a soccer game AND an ultimate frisbee game (those are as exciting as it gets).  I broke 2 ribs falling out of bed my freshman year of college.   A bunch of other silly breaks, sprains and ER trips blah blah blah, and now I have been at my new place for 2 weeks to the day, and I have already broken my finger playing in a friendly game of goaltimate (a frisbee game) with my new team out here.  What. The. Fuck.  I must just have brittle bone syndrome.  Because if not this is just ridiculous.  Jesus, my body is not meant to do ANYTHING.

Love: Bonfires.  Both the smell and the event.  They are the perfect nighttime activity.  It's really amazing how the fire is so mesmerizing, because it's much less fun sitting in a circle doing nothing when the fire isn't there.  And don't even get me started on the smell.  I need to bottle it, or someone does at least, for realllll.  It is always the best to wake up and have your hair and clothes smell like one.  Nothing makes me more happy.  I won't wash my clothes until it would be disgusting not to do so after, I mean who would ever want to get rid of that stench?? Toooooooo goooooood.

<3
theGrump

Fake Lives

Hate: Laguna Beach and everyone and everything that has ever stemmed from it.  Shows based on it, everything.  It makes me a little sad, but more outrageously angry, that anyone could think that these people's lives are remotely real or entertaining and therefore worth a little bit of their time.  It is unbelievable that their ridiculous, fake drama filled lives are aired, and they subsequently get good things out of it.  People should throw rotten food at them in the streets after watching their show, not buy their fake line of clothing or whatever they're doing now.  If anything good has come from it at all, it would be clips of how retardedly stupid they all are on The Soup.  I can understand watching something that is supposed to be serious knowing that it's soo dumb that you just laugh, I mean hello Wife Swap, but this is another level.  Not remotely amusing.  In fact, painful and infuriating.  I pretty much hate all "celebs" of reality tv.  I like my life more than yours...I truthfully hate you.  GRRRRRRR.

I don't know what prompted this hate.  But I guess I'm really mad about it.

Love: Tiny lighters.  They are so cute.  Sometimes I wish I smoked so I could buy them when I'm at the store.  Eeeee the cutestttt.

theGrump

Computers and That Ish

Hate: Technology.  It freaks me out.  I don't get it and I don't like it.  Computers are going to take over the world and I don't want to be a part of it.  This is going to be some Matrix shit.  I especially hate "smart" phones.  Do you really need to have the world wide web at your fingertips at all times?  God it annoys me.  I feel like it's making people soo stupid and not at all smart. Everyone depends on the internet for everything and no longer know how to interact with real human beings.  If it were up to me we'd all be amish.

Love: America's Funniest Home Videos, or as my roommate and I so affectionately call it, afv.  The best show.  Even though the funniest video never wins the grand prize, I still love it.  And here for your amusement is my all time favorite afv video, I very legitimately almost peed my pants when I saw this video.  Some people I show it to don't think it's as funny as me, but I think in order to really get the whole experience, you have to think to yourself "What is going through this llamas head right now?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0c2AwVaD4j8

Now I'm done with this, excuse me while I go churn some butter,
theGrump

Werk it Out

Hate: People who work out in non-workout clothing.  It puts me in a terrible mood when someone runs by in jean shorts.  Not a terrible mood really, I just hate that person severely.  It may be even worse when someone is at the gym in inappropriate attire.  You took the time to join the gym and subsequently go to the gym, you would think you would have at least one sporty outfit you could wear there.  In fact, I know you have one.  So put it on.  And if you're in a hurry, the gym has a locker room.  Utilize that shit.

Love: Rev Run.  God, he is amazing and his show is amazing.  Keep representin the Jerz.

Love ya,
theGrump