Monday, November 1, 2010

Cruisin' for a Bruisin'

Hate: Mayonnaise, mustard and relish.  These are the WORST condiments.  It is just dumb that they are even a thing at all when such good condiments, like ketchup for example, exist.  I actually have never even tried relish, but my understanding is that it is made of sweet pickles...and there is hardly a worse taste in the world than sweet pickles.  Why would they make a spread made of sweet pickles?  I'll tell you why, they are trying to disguise them because they know that given the choice between sliced dill pickles and sweet pickles for a sandwich, or anything else ever, everyone (or at least everyone who doesn't deserve a horrible death) would choose dill.  Mustard, besides being one of the worst smelling things on the planet, is an all around abomination.  Who would ever choose mustard when they could have ketchup?  Preposterous.  And don't even get me started on mayonnaise.  First of all, it's made of oil and egg yolks.  You're really going to eat that?  Then there is the consistency, which we all know is a huge thing for me.  It is the basis for all of my hates of consistencies.  It is like a combination of a gel and, I don't even know, I don't want to talk about it.  The consistency in combination with the squelching sound it makes when you get it out of the jar (do not even TALK to me about squeeze mayo) makes me want to BARF.

Love: This video.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-vtIljTDcA&feature=player_embedded

LOVE,
theGrump

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