Saturday, October 2, 2010

Drunk Goggles are REAL

First hand experience.  Right here.

Hate: Mouth breathers.  You are wrong, kids.  On a serious note, your mouth is literally not meant as a primary source of air intake.  Breathing through your mouth is actually bad for you, it is a sign of health problems and also causes health problems.  Your nose, on the other hand, is right.  No health problems there...it filters and warms the air that goes into your lungs, creates the right pressure and therefore oxygen/carbon dioxide exchange, and you won't die in your sleep.  On a still serious but less scientific note, breathing through your mouth makes a disgusting noise.  What have I told you about making noise?  Do not do it.  Be quiet.  Your mouth is all dry and you are rattling like death (or for you Harry Potter lovers out there...a dementor) and I want you to shut it.  If there is something wrong with you, fix it.  I do not care if this involves blowing your nose or reconstructive surgery.  Just.  Do.  It.  No one wants to listen to you as you die slowly from potential hypertension, or be reminded that you are going to die quickly because of sleep apnea complications.  Close your goddamn mouth.

Love: Crushed ice.  Far superior to cubed in texture and overall drink appeal.  It kind of makes everything into a slushie, and who wouldn't love that?  Clearly the correct cooling device for a beverage.

Love,
theGrump

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