As I am currently peeved, I shall grace you with a hate today. I hope you enjoy ittttt
Hate: Mike's Hard Lemonade. Luckily, I think even they are starting to realize what a horrible product they have. Nice try in the beginning trying to pawn it off to the ladies. Maybe some of them even went for it back in those days because, hey, lemonade is fucking delicious. Not this lemonade, girls. Obviously your devious plan has since backfired (shocker) most likely because people tasted it, although that probably wouldn't even be necessary. Even if you can get through one, drinking another is just out of the question. What is the point in drinking fucking Mike's Hard Lemonade if you aren't even going to be drunk. And now, your new commercials seem to be switching the audience to men. You know that commercial with the baseball players, the guy is distracted by the Mike's stand or something like that. Please, pleease Mike's Hard Lemonade company, tell me you didn't think this was in any way any man's alternative to beer when you first made it. Please tell me this is just your last ditch effort to save your retarded and disgusting product. I think for my own sanity I'll just believe that in my heart.
Love: Ellen DeGeneres. She is hilarious, and it's pretty rare for women to be funny, not to hate on my own kind, but seriously there aren't a lot of funny female comedians. Anyway, props to Ellen. I ESPECIALLY appreciate that she loves to scare people as much as I do, and all her scaring videos are hilarious. I think my favorite Ellen clip is this one, it is amazing...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_V4jWLsTtM&feature=fvst
Nighty Night,
theGrump
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Say What You're Thinking Right Now
Hate: People who comment on a changed facebook relationship status. It is always SO AWKWARD. I think the worst is when someone's status changes to single and people are all "OMG, what happened??!!" or "omg are you ok??" Notice how it always begins with "OMG." Number one, just fucking leave them alone, number two HOW can you not realize how awkward?? I physically cringe upon reading such a comment. If for some insane reason I ever changed my facebook status and someone who was friends with me on facebook commented or liked or what have I would juuuust kill them. Then unfriend them. Then probably bash them via my facebook account.
Love: Leapin' Lemurs. Delicious gluten free cereal. What's not to love? Chocolate and peanut butter flavors, helpin' out some lemurs, no gluten, it's the perfect cereal. I'm currently eating Gorilla Munch and it's leaving a serious void in my life that can only be remedied with teriyaki.
Okkkk, love you, byee
theGrump
Love: Leapin' Lemurs. Delicious gluten free cereal. What's not to love? Chocolate and peanut butter flavors, helpin' out some lemurs, no gluten, it's the perfect cereal. I'm currently eating Gorilla Munch and it's leaving a serious void in my life that can only be remedied with teriyaki.
Okkkk, love you, byee
theGrump
Monday, October 17, 2011
Hey Jealousy
Hate: Hulu+. Hulu, you are now officially the worst. If you were netflix everyone would be canceling their accounts right now. If I didn't need you to survive (aka watch The Daily Show and a select few others) I would be all about a boycott. First you go from one commercial every break to TWO commercials, and now you're trying to charge me?? Get the f out. Come on people, where is the outrage? What's a girl who can't afford cable to do?? Screw you Hulu.
Love: Sleeping. Self explanatory. Also I don't like the way explanatory is spelled.
Love,
theGrump
Love: Sleeping. Self explanatory. Also I don't like the way explanatory is spelled.
Love,
theGrump
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Mi Nina Bonita
OHHHHHH do I have a hate for you. Normally I write about little funny things that bother me because it's like oh haha yea that's annoying. Today I come to you as I am sleeping in the Bogota airport for the second fucking time this week with fury burning inside.
Hate: AIRES AIRLINES. Fuck you all. I have never had more problems with any airline or combination of airlines in my entire life. You are THE worst at doing your job. I have been in Colombia for a week. A single week. I have taken 2 Aires flights and both have just ended up being completely ridiculous. First, we'll go back to where it all began, flying from Bogota to Medellin at 11 on Sunday night. I was with a friend, all was well, we were very excited to go to Medellin and get to our hostel and do some fun stuff. (Hate within a hate, snoring in public. Dear fucking Colombian next to me if you KNOW you snore, do not fall asleep in public. I hope you have sleep apnea and suffocate. I will not save you.) So we get on our flight and take a little napski and almost an hour later we're waking up and they're talking over the intercom. It's really hard to understand spanish over an intercom when it's been years since you spoke it, but my friend at least is pretty fluent and she was like I thought I heard him say we're going back to Bogota. I was skeptical because the announcement didn't sound at all urgent and no one around us seemed at all upset so we decided that it was an "if" situation and we would probably still land in Medellin. There were no more announcements so we were like eh alright. We awake again and its been 2 hours and they are announcing that we're landing in Bogota. Ok Aires. I can deal. I'll even say that they handled it well getting us on flights the next day and sleeping arrangements and food and stuff. My friend and I end up getting a free domestic flight for offering to change our flights in the morning from 6 to 7:30. Awesome. So we're sleeping on the floor at the gate, it's almost time for our flight, but the 6 o'clock flight hasn't taken off because the Medellin airport is still closed. The airline, however, is not telling the passengers the Medellin airport is closed. They even board the flight, as we're getting on we're like oh so the airport is open? And they're like we haven't gotten word but we're going to board anyway. One time flying to Medellin and back with some pluses is funny, twice is just ridiculous. Also you haven't gotten word?? You are 2 airports an hour flight away from each other and we are in the 21st century call ANYONE at ANY TIME and see if it's open. So they board the flight and 99% of the passengers still have no idea that the Medellin airport isn't open. We end up leaving a little late and getting there and it's fine, but Aires, that was risky business. So I want to spend as much time out and about in Colombia as possible so I use my free flight with Aires to get a flight from Pereira to Bogota so I get there like 3.5 hours before my red eye flight home. There was also drama getting the free flight, I'll just say I know the customer service number by heart, in case you want to call and bother them and tell them they suck it's 018000949490. That's the number in Colombia, it probably won't work in the states but hey it was worth a shot. I wonder if I'll get in trouble for that... So I finally get my flight and get to the little Pereira airport with 3 terminals with every flight going to Bogota. Of course my flight gets delayed until 11:30, making me miss my red eye home. Awesome. So basically I don't know what to do. They won't even attempt to get me on one of the other flights (aka every flight) to Bogota with another company and I'd lose my free flight. My friend is still in Pereira but I don't know where and can't call, I could stay in Pereira and spend the night figuring out what to do but I'd lose the free flight and would eventually have to fly to Bogota to get home anyway. I could take the flight but then be stuck and sleeping alone in the Bogota airport because the airport is far away from the city and I'd have to be there early to figure out how I'm getting home anyway. How often can things go wrong with an airline? Seriously?? Right now they're at 100% which is impressive. So I decide to take the flight and figure it out in Bogota, I'm going into the waiting room for my flight and the girl there says my bag that I have never had to check in my life is too big. In all seriousness I didn't want to check it because I was so sure they were going to lose it in that short trip from terminal to plane because clearly none of them know what the fuck they're doing. So I have to check the bag, meanwhile when I sit down on the plane two people around me can't get their fucking rolly carry ons into the overhead compartment. You know whose suitcase would have fit?? Fucking. Mine. So here I am. Sitting alone in the Bogota airport at 2:30 AM. Writing this blog. There are 3 old Colombian men staring at me from all directions and one snoring his life away behind me and two security guards listening to terrible Spanish music loud as hell from a hand held radio to my left. Don't you guys have something better to be doing? Did I mention that I also might have to pay for my flight home? So thanks Aires, I really love being in this situation right now. I mean, of course I'm happy to pull another all nighter this week because of you. Great. Let's hope I can stay awake so my shit doesn't get stolen tonightt.
-_- (I have never used that emoticon before but I felt it was fitting in this situation.)
theGrump
Hate: AIRES AIRLINES. Fuck you all. I have never had more problems with any airline or combination of airlines in my entire life. You are THE worst at doing your job. I have been in Colombia for a week. A single week. I have taken 2 Aires flights and both have just ended up being completely ridiculous. First, we'll go back to where it all began, flying from Bogota to Medellin at 11 on Sunday night. I was with a friend, all was well, we were very excited to go to Medellin and get to our hostel and do some fun stuff. (Hate within a hate, snoring in public. Dear fucking Colombian next to me if you KNOW you snore, do not fall asleep in public. I hope you have sleep apnea and suffocate. I will not save you.) So we get on our flight and take a little napski and almost an hour later we're waking up and they're talking over the intercom. It's really hard to understand spanish over an intercom when it's been years since you spoke it, but my friend at least is pretty fluent and she was like I thought I heard him say we're going back to Bogota. I was skeptical because the announcement didn't sound at all urgent and no one around us seemed at all upset so we decided that it was an "if" situation and we would probably still land in Medellin. There were no more announcements so we were like eh alright. We awake again and its been 2 hours and they are announcing that we're landing in Bogota. Ok Aires. I can deal. I'll even say that they handled it well getting us on flights the next day and sleeping arrangements and food and stuff. My friend and I end up getting a free domestic flight for offering to change our flights in the morning from 6 to 7:30. Awesome. So we're sleeping on the floor at the gate, it's almost time for our flight, but the 6 o'clock flight hasn't taken off because the Medellin airport is still closed. The airline, however, is not telling the passengers the Medellin airport is closed. They even board the flight, as we're getting on we're like oh so the airport is open? And they're like we haven't gotten word but we're going to board anyway. One time flying to Medellin and back with some pluses is funny, twice is just ridiculous. Also you haven't gotten word?? You are 2 airports an hour flight away from each other and we are in the 21st century call ANYONE at ANY TIME and see if it's open. So they board the flight and 99% of the passengers still have no idea that the Medellin airport isn't open. We end up leaving a little late and getting there and it's fine, but Aires, that was risky business. So I want to spend as much time out and about in Colombia as possible so I use my free flight with Aires to get a flight from Pereira to Bogota so I get there like 3.5 hours before my red eye flight home. There was also drama getting the free flight, I'll just say I know the customer service number by heart, in case you want to call and bother them and tell them they suck it's 018000949490. That's the number in Colombia, it probably won't work in the states but hey it was worth a shot. I wonder if I'll get in trouble for that... So I finally get my flight and get to the little Pereira airport with 3 terminals with every flight going to Bogota. Of course my flight gets delayed until 11:30, making me miss my red eye home. Awesome. So basically I don't know what to do. They won't even attempt to get me on one of the other flights (aka every flight) to Bogota with another company and I'd lose my free flight. My friend is still in Pereira but I don't know where and can't call, I could stay in Pereira and spend the night figuring out what to do but I'd lose the free flight and would eventually have to fly to Bogota to get home anyway. I could take the flight but then be stuck and sleeping alone in the Bogota airport because the airport is far away from the city and I'd have to be there early to figure out how I'm getting home anyway. How often can things go wrong with an airline? Seriously?? Right now they're at 100% which is impressive. So I decide to take the flight and figure it out in Bogota, I'm going into the waiting room for my flight and the girl there says my bag that I have never had to check in my life is too big. In all seriousness I didn't want to check it because I was so sure they were going to lose it in that short trip from terminal to plane because clearly none of them know what the fuck they're doing. So I have to check the bag, meanwhile when I sit down on the plane two people around me can't get their fucking rolly carry ons into the overhead compartment. You know whose suitcase would have fit?? Fucking. Mine. So here I am. Sitting alone in the Bogota airport at 2:30 AM. Writing this blog. There are 3 old Colombian men staring at me from all directions and one snoring his life away behind me and two security guards listening to terrible Spanish music loud as hell from a hand held radio to my left. Don't you guys have something better to be doing? Did I mention that I also might have to pay for my flight home? So thanks Aires, I really love being in this situation right now. I mean, of course I'm happy to pull another all nighter this week because of you. Great. Let's hope I can stay awake so my shit doesn't get stolen tonightt.
-_- (I have never used that emoticon before but I felt it was fitting in this situation.)
theGrump
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Keepin' it Real
As today was the first fall like day of Seattle and I played some frisbee, I was reminded of this hate that I will soon be encountering a lot due to the weather...
Hate: Half turtlenecks. We all know how I feel about things touching my neck so half turtlenecks are just the worst of the worst. It just SITS right on the most uncomfortable part of your neck...ALL THE TIME! I refuse to believe that is in any way comfortable, not to mention you look like a fucking idiot. I don't care about the fraction of a degree it warms your body, you look retarded. If you really need to protect your neck THAT much from a cold breeze, you need to go all out and get like a face and neck warmer or something. And if it isn't cold enough for that...it's too warm for the half turtleneck. In fact, there is never an appropriate temperature for the half turtleneck. No excuses. I will say that a half turtleneck in an under armour-like material is MARGINALLY more acceptable than a jersey one. The jersey half turtleneck is a dead giveaway of your nerdity. In all seriousness I wouldn't talk to you. Under armour is practically a necessity for playing sports when it's cold and it's almost hard to find ones that don't have the half turtleneck, but I mean...look harder bitches. It's that important. I will admit that I have one fake under armour that I got on sale at Target that is a half turtle neck, but since I don't even understand how you can wear something around your neck like that...I cut a slit so it's hardly a half turtleneck anymore. In case it wasn't clear to you before, now you know half turtlenecks are in no way ok. Ever.
Love: Mariah Carey's Christmas album...embarrassing...
Peace dudes,
theGrump
Hate: Half turtlenecks. We all know how I feel about things touching my neck so half turtlenecks are just the worst of the worst. It just SITS right on the most uncomfortable part of your neck...ALL THE TIME! I refuse to believe that is in any way comfortable, not to mention you look like a fucking idiot. I don't care about the fraction of a degree it warms your body, you look retarded. If you really need to protect your neck THAT much from a cold breeze, you need to go all out and get like a face and neck warmer or something. And if it isn't cold enough for that...it's too warm for the half turtleneck. In fact, there is never an appropriate temperature for the half turtleneck. No excuses. I will say that a half turtleneck in an under armour-like material is MARGINALLY more acceptable than a jersey one. The jersey half turtleneck is a dead giveaway of your nerdity. In all seriousness I wouldn't talk to you. Under armour is practically a necessity for playing sports when it's cold and it's almost hard to find ones that don't have the half turtleneck, but I mean...look harder bitches. It's that important. I will admit that I have one fake under armour that I got on sale at Target that is a half turtle neck, but since I don't even understand how you can wear something around your neck like that...I cut a slit so it's hardly a half turtleneck anymore. In case it wasn't clear to you before, now you know half turtlenecks are in no way ok. Ever.
Love: Mariah Carey's Christmas album...embarrassing...
Peace dudes,
theGrump
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Go Too Far, Live Too Long
I can't hate about what I want to hate about because I fear I will be dubbed a terrorist and taken away in the middle of the night and that would scare my roommate so this will have to suffice...
Hate: Bread and butter pickles. First of all, sweet pickles are fucking disgusting. They are just embarrassing in comparison to dill pickles and I hate anyone who might think otherwise because they are obviously an idiot. Secondly, I hate that they are called bread and butter pickles. That makes no sense. I also just hate the phrase bread and butter unless you are literally talking about bread and butter. I realized this after Harry Potter says it in the 5th movie and I was so annoyed.
Love: Fall, as in the season (although I also like when people fall). It is by far the best season.
Love,
theGrump
Hate: Bread and butter pickles. First of all, sweet pickles are fucking disgusting. They are just embarrassing in comparison to dill pickles and I hate anyone who might think otherwise because they are obviously an idiot. Secondly, I hate that they are called bread and butter pickles. That makes no sense. I also just hate the phrase bread and butter unless you are literally talking about bread and butter. I realized this after Harry Potter says it in the 5th movie and I was so annoyed.
Love: Fall, as in the season (although I also like when people fall). It is by far the best season.
Love,
theGrump
Friday, September 9, 2011
There's a Moment You Know You're Fucked
I think people are probably pretty used to my super specific hates by now...
Hate: In movies and on TV when people are flipping through magazines they are always flipping backwards. What the hell, people? It's not like there is no content in there. Why are you even looking at the magazine if you aren't interested in reading it correctly?? Would you do that if you were holding a book?? It's still written just like everything else, you start at the cover buddy. I mean I know you don't necessarily have to read the articles in order or look at pictures in a particular order, but it still is annoying as hell. Also you're generally reading a magazine to kill time, like waiting for an appointment or on the beach or whatever, if you really want to waste time, go through the pages like a normal human being and maybe read an article or two. Get into character, bitch. Even if you're just pretending to read it, no one is buying it if you're going backwards. Be better at your fucking job.
Love: Ke$ha. She's a dang genius. I wish I could just be drunk and say stupid shit all the time and be rich as hell for it. Going to her show tomorrow with the roomie, not at all ashamed. Going to be a hot mess covered in glitter wearing my wolf shirt and sparkle skirt and could not be happier about it. She just makes me want to dance and go crazy so everyone better get the f out of my way.
LOVE
theGrump
Hate: In movies and on TV when people are flipping through magazines they are always flipping backwards. What the hell, people? It's not like there is no content in there. Why are you even looking at the magazine if you aren't interested in reading it correctly?? Would you do that if you were holding a book?? It's still written just like everything else, you start at the cover buddy. I mean I know you don't necessarily have to read the articles in order or look at pictures in a particular order, but it still is annoying as hell. Also you're generally reading a magazine to kill time, like waiting for an appointment or on the beach or whatever, if you really want to waste time, go through the pages like a normal human being and maybe read an article or two. Get into character, bitch. Even if you're just pretending to read it, no one is buying it if you're going backwards. Be better at your fucking job.
Love: Ke$ha. She's a dang genius. I wish I could just be drunk and say stupid shit all the time and be rich as hell for it. Going to her show tomorrow with the roomie, not at all ashamed. Going to be a hot mess covered in glitter wearing my wolf shirt and sparkle skirt and could not be happier about it. She just makes me want to dance and go crazy so everyone better get the f out of my way.
LOVE
theGrump
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Time of Death Undetermined
My elbow hurts so this is a one/left handed hate so this needs to be short...
Hate: In this Pediasure commercial http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rM7Vfe0UJ-E, the way the little girl says "I'm going outside to play." She is the worst. Who let that happen.
No love, this is hard.
Bye cuties
theGrump
Hate: In this Pediasure commercial http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rM7Vfe0UJ-E, the way the little girl says "I'm going outside to play." She is the worst. Who let that happen.
No love, this is hard.
Bye cuties
theGrump
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Who's Gonna Save the World Tonight
This is dedicated to de Whip.
Hate: When people eat all but one little bite of something. WHAT are you leaving that stupid bite there for? SO many people do this and there is no way in hell that that many people are truthfully too full to take that one last dumb bite so often. You ate that whole fucking thing, just eat the damn bite. Might I add, it's totally acceptable to leave more than one bite, it's just the one that makes me want to choke you. I KNOW you didn't just get full, either you needed to stop a couple of bites ago or you just need to finish the job and stop being a pussy. And you know I'm worked up when I use the word pussy because I hate it. One incident stands out in my mind. When I was like 9, my girl scout troop was going to Sesame Place (aka the only reason I joined, I quit promptly after). In the car on the way we were eating bagels. Vanessa was sitting next to me and was about to finish her bagel, but as she was about to put the TINIEST last bite into her mouth she was like "I can't finish this" and threw it back into the bag. ...YES YOU CAN YOU JUST ATE THAT WHOLE BAGEL THERE IS NO WAY THAT .05 OUNCE PIECE OF BAGEL IS THE LAST STRAW. So yea, basically I know you can finish it. I hate you.
Love: Barnaby, my mustache monocle. He is the greatest thing in the universe. Nothing is better than him, so you can just give up anything that you think is awesome, because in comparison it sucks.
Barnaby makes everything better.
LOVE,
theGrump
Hate: When people eat all but one little bite of something. WHAT are you leaving that stupid bite there for? SO many people do this and there is no way in hell that that many people are truthfully too full to take that one last dumb bite so often. You ate that whole fucking thing, just eat the damn bite. Might I add, it's totally acceptable to leave more than one bite, it's just the one that makes me want to choke you. I KNOW you didn't just get full, either you needed to stop a couple of bites ago or you just need to finish the job and stop being a pussy. And you know I'm worked up when I use the word pussy because I hate it. One incident stands out in my mind. When I was like 9, my girl scout troop was going to Sesame Place (aka the only reason I joined, I quit promptly after). In the car on the way we were eating bagels. Vanessa was sitting next to me and was about to finish her bagel, but as she was about to put the TINIEST last bite into her mouth she was like "I can't finish this" and threw it back into the bag. ...YES YOU CAN YOU JUST ATE THAT WHOLE BAGEL THERE IS NO WAY THAT .05 OUNCE PIECE OF BAGEL IS THE LAST STRAW. So yea, basically I know you can finish it. I hate you.
Love: Barnaby, my mustache monocle. He is the greatest thing in the universe. Nothing is better than him, so you can just give up anything that you think is awesome, because in comparison it sucks.
LOVE,
theGrump
Friday, August 26, 2011
Don't Stop Believin'
The gayest title, but it's been coming up a lot in my life recently (mostly in tv that I'm watching online aka Party Down and The Glee Project btw I love Party Down and The Glee Project is embarrassing yet addictive) and is sort of relates to what I'm about to hate right now.
Hate: Lindsay from The Glee Project. She is horrible and just not a real person. I know it's like reality tv and I'm just seeing what they want me to see, but I don't care. HATE her. Her critique is always that she doesn't have a personality and she gets all fake upset about it, but she just doesn't. She's amazingly conceited and totally fake and I despise her more than life. Example, during the vulnerability week (yes I know how embarrassing this is) her vulnerability was fake, but only because Ryan told her she was fake, she didn't understand what it actually meant. Her reason for choosing fake as her vulnerability was because "people only saw her as a trophy" or something ridiculous like that rather than I don't have a personality so I just do things I think people want me to do. Lindsay, everyone hates you you are not a trophy. I am currently watching the finale of The Glee Project and am rooting against her. Good god panel PLEASE don't choose her. OMG THANK GOD SHE DIDN'T WIN, yet she's still doing something I hate, she's pretending to be way too overly happy for the person that won and not at all upset she didn't win. Oh god now this show got too gay and two people won, jesus. I need to stop watching. Oh god now everyone won something, I hate this.
I'm too upset about Lindsay's horrible persona winning anything and not sitting there crying to love about anything.
theGrump
Hate: Lindsay from The Glee Project. She is horrible and just not a real person. I know it's like reality tv and I'm just seeing what they want me to see, but I don't care. HATE her. Her critique is always that she doesn't have a personality and she gets all fake upset about it, but she just doesn't. She's amazingly conceited and totally fake and I despise her more than life. Example, during the vulnerability week (yes I know how embarrassing this is) her vulnerability was fake, but only because Ryan told her she was fake, she didn't understand what it actually meant. Her reason for choosing fake as her vulnerability was because "people only saw her as a trophy" or something ridiculous like that rather than I don't have a personality so I just do things I think people want me to do. Lindsay, everyone hates you you are not a trophy. I am currently watching the finale of The Glee Project and am rooting against her. Good god panel PLEASE don't choose her. OMG THANK GOD SHE DIDN'T WIN, yet she's still doing something I hate, she's pretending to be way too overly happy for the person that won and not at all upset she didn't win. Oh god now this show got too gay and two people won, jesus. I need to stop watching. Oh god now everyone won something, I hate this.
I'm too upset about Lindsay's horrible persona winning anything and not sitting there crying to love about anything.
theGrump
Monday, August 22, 2011
Azul
Hate: When people wear snow boots in the summer, or really any inappropriate weather. This is something I've never noticed before in my entire life until today. Randomly I saw like 5 people doing this today, which under the circumstances is a ridiculous number. Maybe it was because of the small differences in temperature over the last few days. The weekend was a WHOPPING 80 fucking degrees, and today was like 70 and overcast. I will agree that 70 is not ideal warmth for the middle of August, but there is absolutely no fucking call for snow boots. it's 70 goddamn degrees outside. The first girl I saw I was mad about it, like why the hell are you wearing those boots with a freaking fur lining when the majority of people outside are in sandals? The next girl I was just confused, like what is this snow boot epidemic hitting Capitol Hill right now? Then the next person I was furious again, and the hate just grew and grew. It was so stupid, if I see anyone wearing snow boots tomorrow I'm going to trip them.
Love: Kitchen gadgets. I don't even cook all that much, but I totally love all of the ridiculous things for your kitchen. The as seen on tv section is heaven, as is bed bath and beyond. When I was little I forced my mom to buy the rotato, if anyone remembers that gem. Also I would consider my favorite possession , my slush mug, to be a kitchen gadget. You should just see my kitchen drawers, I have a problem.
:)
theGrump
Love: Kitchen gadgets. I don't even cook all that much, but I totally love all of the ridiculous things for your kitchen. The as seen on tv section is heaven, as is bed bath and beyond. When I was little I forced my mom to buy the rotato, if anyone remembers that gem. Also I would consider my favorite possession , my slush mug, to be a kitchen gadget. You should just see my kitchen drawers, I have a problem.
:)
theGrump
Sunday, August 21, 2011
E'ry Day I'm Shufflin'
Hate: The song "If you Want my Body" by Rod Stewart. I didn't have any feelings towards this song until the chips ahoy commercial (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlpS-V8mgIk). It was so revolting it made me not want to eat the cookies AND hate the song with a passion. The cookie's voice is THE most annoying. It isn't at all funny, it is awful and makes me so angry. Also, you aren't sexy, you're a fucking cookie. AND the animation in the commercial sucks, it's not appealing at all, it's weird and gross and so is the girl that the cookie is seducing (vom). Who the hell do they have on their advertising team over there?? I hope they're all dead by now. Smote by god for their horrific ideas. (I just had to look up the past tense of smite, apparently it's smote.)
Love: Adult gummy vitamins. Genius. Who would ever want to stop taking gummy vitamins?
LOVE,
theGrump
Love: Adult gummy vitamins. Genius. Who would ever want to stop taking gummy vitamins?
LOVE,
theGrump
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Get $leazy
WOAH, bet you never thought you'd hear from me again. Wrong. But in all seriousness, my hate list is dwindling, I need to start hating more weird things and fast. Here's one that's still on the list and I feel strongly about, you all deserve it after my hiatus.
Hate: The Survivor Man vs. Man vs. Wild debate. I know this is like blast from the past and both of them probably don't air anymore but THAT'S NOT THE POINT. Survivor Man SUCKS! That show is the fucking worst and there should be absolutely no debate on which host is cooler. Who the fuck cares if Bear Grylls sleeps in a hotel, who wants to sleep outside?? Especially after doing all the dumb shit he's doing out there. The whole point of the shows is to teach you how to survive when something happens to you when you're lost, Bear actually does them, and then treats himself to sleep indoors. So fucking kill him. He not only tells you actual survival skills that could actually be useful to you if something bad happens if you for some reason are stuck out somewhere (or something like that...not that any of this would ever happen to me), he ALSO often takes his clothes off and I'm not complaining. Survivor Man (as if being Canadian isn't bad enough) just SITS THERE and waits for however many days. You can practically survive for that long by literally just sitting there and like sucking dew off the grass, I don't need a show of you doing just that for me to be able to do it. GOD he is the worst. He would never be able to do the awesome slash disgusting stuff that Bear does. AND he's Canadian AND...I don't know...he smells. How did he ever get a show. In conclusion, Man vs. Wild kicks Survivor Man's ass any day and all of you who think different can kill yourselves.
Love: Bear Grylls. F you all.
YOU'RE WELCOME,
theGrump
Hate: The Survivor Man vs. Man vs. Wild debate. I know this is like blast from the past and both of them probably don't air anymore but THAT'S NOT THE POINT. Survivor Man SUCKS! That show is the fucking worst and there should be absolutely no debate on which host is cooler. Who the fuck cares if Bear Grylls sleeps in a hotel, who wants to sleep outside?? Especially after doing all the dumb shit he's doing out there. The whole point of the shows is to teach you how to survive when something happens to you when you're lost, Bear actually does them, and then treats himself to sleep indoors. So fucking kill him. He not only tells you actual survival skills that could actually be useful to you if something bad happens if you for some reason are stuck out somewhere (or something like that...not that any of this would ever happen to me), he ALSO often takes his clothes off and I'm not complaining. Survivor Man (as if being Canadian isn't bad enough) just SITS THERE and waits for however many days. You can practically survive for that long by literally just sitting there and like sucking dew off the grass, I don't need a show of you doing just that for me to be able to do it. GOD he is the worst. He would never be able to do the awesome slash disgusting stuff that Bear does. AND he's Canadian AND...I don't know...he smells. How did he ever get a show. In conclusion, Man vs. Wild kicks Survivor Man's ass any day and all of you who think different can kill yourselves.
Love: Bear Grylls. F you all.
YOU'RE WELCOME,
theGrump
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Say What You Mean
So my last hate reminded me of a huge hate that I have. In fact a kind of mentioned it, but here's a proper hatred...
Hate: When people are obsessed with HD shit and blue ray and whatever the fuck. I don't know if there is literally something wrong with my eyesight, but there is not a big enough difference between all that garbage and the original stuff to justify spending that extra money. The price of a blue ray dvds is NUTS. I don't even know what blue ray is. And I mean really, I would NEVER be able to tell the difference between a video in HD and one that isn't if shown one after the other. I doubt a lot of people could. You're all just so obsessed with every stupid new little piece of technology that comes out that you need to have it even if it is totally unnecessary. I feel like half of this stuff is like placebo crap. They just tell you it's better quality and people are like OH HELL YEA, even though if they had to decipher the difference on their own they would never be able to. Jesus it's annoying. If I ever become a doctor I feel like I'm going to give tons of placebos out to people like this just because they fucking annoy me, like "I'm going to prescribe you these pills, they taste kind of like tic tacs, that's normal." As previously stated, I would perfectly happy with a vhs, if they still made movies in vhs anymore. Well I mean my particular vhs player may be an exception because you have to get them out with a knife...but with a working vhs player I think I would be completely satisfied.
Love: Pandora. It's amazing. I very often need specific music for my mood and it's perfect. Right now I'm a little tired, want to relax, so I just put in Copeland and BAM, perfect radio.
<3
theGrump
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Let's Dance to Joy Division
Man, it's been a MINUTE. Oops! well all your yelling has finally paid off
Hate: Rewinding videotapes. I know, I know, who uses vhs anymore...I DO. I have videos from a while ago, they still work. What am I going to do, buy the dvds just because they came out?? F that noise. Got me a dvd/vhs playaa. Not to mention tapes are only 50 cents at Goodwill. ANYWAY, back to my point. It is probably one of the most frustrating things in the universe to rewind a tape. It takes FOR FUCKING EVER. I mean seriously, I feel like a 6 year old when I repeatedly hit play to check if it's almost done like 12 times, but god damn it takes the longest!! I don't blame little kids. And even though I hate technology, the like 5 minutes that I have to wait to rewind a movie (that I obviously didn't rewind after the last time I watched) is almost reason enough for me to forego the 50 cent deal at Goodwil, risk getting caught for pirating, or spending the dumb amount of money on dvds. Almost. One day maybe I'll crack while rewinding Clueless and destroy all my tapes, but it hasn't happened yet.
Love: THE SUN. Fuck you Seattle. I miss the sun so. much. So freaking much.
<3
theGrump
Hate: Rewinding videotapes. I know, I know, who uses vhs anymore...I DO. I have videos from a while ago, they still work. What am I going to do, buy the dvds just because they came out?? F that noise. Got me a dvd/vhs playaa. Not to mention tapes are only 50 cents at Goodwill. ANYWAY, back to my point. It is probably one of the most frustrating things in the universe to rewind a tape. It takes FOR FUCKING EVER. I mean seriously, I feel like a 6 year old when I repeatedly hit play to check if it's almost done like 12 times, but god damn it takes the longest!! I don't blame little kids. And even though I hate technology, the like 5 minutes that I have to wait to rewind a movie (that I obviously didn't rewind after the last time I watched) is almost reason enough for me to forego the 50 cent deal at Goodwil, risk getting caught for pirating, or spending the dumb amount of money on dvds. Almost. One day maybe I'll crack while rewinding Clueless and destroy all my tapes, but it hasn't happened yet.
Love: THE SUN. Fuck you Seattle. I miss the sun so. much. So freaking much.
<3
theGrump
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
You Never Wear Shoes Without Your Socks
Hate: The shows Cheers and Roseanne. I've never even really watched these shows, I decided that I hated them when I was a tiny ginger. I'm not sure what's up with Roseanne, I have a serious loathing for no reason, little grumpy ginger just had something against it. Probably the annoying voice and obesity, but that's just a stab in the dark. Cheers is another story altogether. For some reason, I tie Cheers to a specific event that happened in my youth...and trust me, you want to hear about it. So, I was in kindergarden and we were down in art class. For some reason, I decided to steal one of the colored pencils we were using. I remember it clearly, it was like a teal blue color and the outside of the pencil was black and it was really short. It was very pretty. So I took the colored pencil, and on the way back up to class Ryan Adeleye told on me. Mortifying to a 5 year old, apparently since it's burned in my memory. I had to walk all by myself back down to the art room and return it. It was the worst. And for some reason, Cheers reminds me of this event. NO idea why, but I really can't watch it without thinking of the colored pencil incident. In conclusion, Cheers is the fucking worst thing EVER.
Love: Perfect dog walking time and weather. What could be better than a beautiful day with nothing to do but walk your adorable puppy. It's like the greatest activity on a sunny day. It's exercise and bonding time for you and your pooch, it's fun, you get some sun, you get to people watch and explore. Basically nothing in the universe is better.
<3
theGrump
Love: Perfect dog walking time and weather. What could be better than a beautiful day with nothing to do but walk your adorable puppy. It's like the greatest activity on a sunny day. It's exercise and bonding time for you and your pooch, it's fun, you get some sun, you get to people watch and explore. Basically nothing in the universe is better.
<3
theGrump
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Have You Seen my Baby Girl? She's Lonely
This is going to be REALLY hard because I'm going to fucking ICELANDDDDDDDDD today, but I feel like I need to get in one more hate in for the month of march since ima be gonee. I'm just going to have to pick a self explanatory one...
Hate: On my list (yes, there is an actual list) it says I have hated on this before, but I'm pretty sure I have not, so here goes. Brown Tootsie Roll Pops. Disgusting. Why are they even an option, they are fucking gross. I actually hate when the consistency of things is inappropriate for the flavor. It is not ok for a lollipop to be chocolate flavored, just like it's not ok for creamy (vom @ the word creamy) things to be really fruity. I'm not sure if anyone else can follow that logic, but I can't help it, it's just the way I think. It's hard being me...
JUST KIDDING BECAUSE I'M GOING TO ICELAND!!! Sidenote: just did my last hate when I was just typing in all caps, the ' in I'm was a ", I quickly fixed it.
Love: ICELAND!!!!!!!
Bye.
Hate: On my list (yes, there is an actual list) it says I have hated on this before, but I'm pretty sure I have not, so here goes. Brown Tootsie Roll Pops. Disgusting. Why are they even an option, they are fucking gross. I actually hate when the consistency of things is inappropriate for the flavor. It is not ok for a lollipop to be chocolate flavored, just like it's not ok for creamy (vom @ the word creamy) things to be really fruity. I'm not sure if anyone else can follow that logic, but I can't help it, it's just the way I think. It's hard being me...
JUST KIDDING BECAUSE I'M GOING TO ICELAND!!! Sidenote: just did my last hate when I was just typing in all caps, the ' in I'm was a ", I quickly fixed it.
Love: ICELAND!!!!!!!
Bye.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Defying Gravity
Hate: When people are typing in all caps, and hold down the shift when they press for an apostrophe so they actually get a quotation mark. Example: I"M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE BABYMAKER! It isn't the right thing. Just take one second to one, take your finger off the shift key or two, go back and fix it because you know it isn't what you wanted. As always, I do not care that this is super specific and random. I don't like people not doing things correctly and you aren't doing it right. Press caps lock if you can't spare the moment to get the right punctuation
Love: The noises of all apple products. Like the clicking when you scroll through an ipod, all that crap. They are great noises, all their time testing that totally paid off because I love everything. Facebook tried to use a similar noise for facebook chat, but it was just annoying somehow. Anyway, props to apple (sidenote: I think people need to start giving "props" again).
LOVE,
theGrump
Love: The noises of all apple products. Like the clicking when you scroll through an ipod, all that crap. They are great noises, all their time testing that totally paid off because I love everything. Facebook tried to use a similar noise for facebook chat, but it was just annoying somehow. Anyway, props to apple (sidenote: I think people need to start giving "props" again).
LOVE,
theGrump
Monday, March 14, 2011
You're Just in Time
This is kind of a specific hate...I'll try to find a way to broaden it a little bit.
Hate: OK so this happens a lot at the juice bar where I work, but since I noticed it there I have noticed it a lot elsewhere. It's basically just a hatred of people who think they're really special when they are just not. So in my cafe, it gets fucking crazy around lunch, line for miles. Anyway, there can only be so many people working, so on occasion people have a wait a little for their food to be done. I REALLY hate it when people in line are up to pay and their food isn't ready yet and they say, "Ummm, I'm just getting a..." What do you think everyone else got?? It's not like they ordered something totally different and more complicated than you. You are not special, you're unoriginal and also a big fat douche. Thenn, pretty soon after I realized that I hated those people with a huge passion, one time I'm on the bus and this guy gets on and is like, "I only got a dolla, I'm just tryina hitch a ride witchu!!" It's the fucking public bus...EVERYONE IS JUST TRYING TO HITCH A RIDE WITH HIM!!! Why else would anyone EVER be on a bus???? GOD everyone is a fucking idiot.
Love: Grocery shopping. It's so fun and satisfying. It's especially awesome when there are some free samples around. I'm not sure why it's so fun...anyone have any insight? Anyway, it will never be a chore, it is always the best. The other day I went with my friend and the funniest little asian man made us try every flavor of hummus on the planet, one of which was called "supremely spicy." My friend commented on it saying, "this is spicy!" to which he replied, "SUPREMELY!!!"
LOVE,
theGrump
Hate: OK so this happens a lot at the juice bar where I work, but since I noticed it there I have noticed it a lot elsewhere. It's basically just a hatred of people who think they're really special when they are just not. So in my cafe, it gets fucking crazy around lunch, line for miles. Anyway, there can only be so many people working, so on occasion people have a wait a little for their food to be done. I REALLY hate it when people in line are up to pay and their food isn't ready yet and they say, "Ummm, I'm just getting a..." What do you think everyone else got?? It's not like they ordered something totally different and more complicated than you. You are not special, you're unoriginal and also a big fat douche. Thenn, pretty soon after I realized that I hated those people with a huge passion, one time I'm on the bus and this guy gets on and is like, "I only got a dolla, I'm just tryina hitch a ride witchu!!" It's the fucking public bus...EVERYONE IS JUST TRYING TO HITCH A RIDE WITH HIM!!! Why else would anyone EVER be on a bus???? GOD everyone is a fucking idiot.
Love: Grocery shopping. It's so fun and satisfying. It's especially awesome when there are some free samples around. I'm not sure why it's so fun...anyone have any insight? Anyway, it will never be a chore, it is always the best. The other day I went with my friend and the funniest little asian man made us try every flavor of hummus on the planet, one of which was called "supremely spicy." My friend commented on it saying, "this is spicy!" to which he replied, "SUPREMELY!!!"
LOVE,
theGrump
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Everybody Clap Your Hands
Hate: State Farm commercials. They are awful. Terrible. The worst commercials ever. I could go on. In fact I will go on. Painful and also infuriating to watch. Ear splitting. Ok, moving on to a different format. I don't know who is giving the go ahead on this crap, but it needs to stop. I ESPECIALLY hate the newer ones where the people sing the jingle and the agent pops up. The ULTIMATE worst one is when the girls do it and keep changing the agent to make him into different kinds of guys like "tough, with a soft side." Shut up you stupid girls. Shut up everyone on the State Farm commercials, it annoys me that you suck at singing the jingle. Shut up State Farm.
Love: Zach Galifianakis. I know I hate a lot of people, but I love people too! And not just Will Smith, although he is numero uno. Anyway, I enjoy Zach Galifinakis because not only is he funny in whatever he is acting in, but he is actually funny in his stand up. You might think that lots of comedians are funny, but you'd be wrong. There are a select few, and Zach is one of them, which is appreciated. He's just such a cute funny teddy bear, not to mention sings the greatest song of all time in The Hangover...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taVblB7-UuY
Goodnight All,
theGrump
Love: Zach Galifianakis. I know I hate a lot of people, but I love people too! And not just Will Smith, although he is numero uno. Anyway, I enjoy Zach Galifinakis because not only is he funny in whatever he is acting in, but he is actually funny in his stand up. You might think that lots of comedians are funny, but you'd be wrong. There are a select few, and Zach is one of them, which is appreciated. He's just such a cute funny teddy bear, not to mention sings the greatest song of all time in The Hangover...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taVblB7-UuY
Goodnight All,
theGrump
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Get Down, Stay Down
Everyone is a bitch. So here I go to write this blog, which has nothing to do with why everyone is a bitch, but will make me feel better anyway.
Hate: In movies/tv when someone is supposed to be really good at something, be it an instrument or a sport or whatever, and it's so obvious that they suck. Hello. I'm not sure how stupid the director think the general public is, but it is SO distracting and...I can think of no other word for it except silly. I can tell you aren't good so don't try to convince me you are. It is ruining the ENTIRE premise of the freaking movie. You can't just suck if they make it a point to say that you do not suck!! If you're going to make a movie where this person's skill plays at least a sort of important role, they have to look like they know what the hell they're doing. However, as a general rule, the degree you are allowed to look like you suck has an inverse relationship with the quality of movie. Ok so I just wrote a whole example with a movie about Quigley, the greatest tuba artist of all time, and how if Quigley didn't know how to play the tuba it would not be ok for the making of the movie, but it was getting a little long and ridiculous. You should get it by now though.
Love: Shopping. I never thought I would be such a girl, but sometimes, I just gotta shop til I drop.
TOo tired to go on, falling asleep. Need 30 Rock.
-theGrump
Love: Shopping. I never thought I would be such a girl, but sometimes, I just gotta shop til I drop.
TOo tired to go on, falling asleep. Need 30 Rock.
-theGrump
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
It is the Influence of the Music We Love
I get to go into work 2.5 hours late. Even though that makes me happy, as does the song that just came on because it promotes clapping, I'm still gonna hate a little bit just for you.
Hate: Weak water pressure. Apparently I just like painful showers, because a love of the past has been boiling hot showers, and now I'm hating on not having laser-like streams of water shot at me. But really, the water needs to be pretty much knocking me over before I'm happy. I don't feel clean any other way and it makes me really angry. Also, when the water pressure is too weak, it's SO annoyingly difficult to wash shampoo and conditioner out of your hair. I guess have a really low tolerance for this because my hair is actually probably one of the easier heads of hair to rinse, it's not curly or thick or long or anything, but whatever, if the water pressure was up to par it would only take a second. Anywayy, I like to spend the majority of my shower straight chillin, therefore I don't want any other thing to take up too much time lest the water temperature drop, THEREFORE the water pressure needs to be ridiculous to cut time on the dumb washing crap you have to do to a minimum. The water pressure at my parents house is amazing, but when I stay anywhere else I totally judge them based on water pressure. In conclusion, I will be pissed if you have weak water pressure. Also if you have perfumed soap, but that's for another time.
So, thats my shower play by play, ha, onto the lovingg...
Love: When the love of my life, Yesel, who is a love in and of herself, hates the same things as me. It is pretty common as we are very similar (hence the love of my life thing), but it makes me happy. Also it justifies the fact that I have this blog in the first place.
Bye Haterssss,
theGrump
Hate: Weak water pressure. Apparently I just like painful showers, because a love of the past has been boiling hot showers, and now I'm hating on not having laser-like streams of water shot at me. But really, the water needs to be pretty much knocking me over before I'm happy. I don't feel clean any other way and it makes me really angry. Also, when the water pressure is too weak, it's SO annoyingly difficult to wash shampoo and conditioner out of your hair. I guess have a really low tolerance for this because my hair is actually probably one of the easier heads of hair to rinse, it's not curly or thick or long or anything, but whatever, if the water pressure was up to par it would only take a second. Anywayy, I like to spend the majority of my shower straight chillin, therefore I don't want any other thing to take up too much time lest the water temperature drop, THEREFORE the water pressure needs to be ridiculous to cut time on the dumb washing crap you have to do to a minimum. The water pressure at my parents house is amazing, but when I stay anywhere else I totally judge them based on water pressure. In conclusion, I will be pissed if you have weak water pressure. Also if you have perfumed soap, but that's for another time.
So, thats my shower play by play, ha, onto the lovingg...
Love: When the love of my life, Yesel, who is a love in and of herself, hates the same things as me. It is pretty common as we are very similar (hence the love of my life thing), but it makes me happy. Also it justifies the fact that I have this blog in the first place.
Bye Haterssss,
theGrump
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I Just Came to Say Hello
Hate: People who count the number of drinks they've had in a night. Totally reveals your true douchebaggery. I don't care if it's in your head or you make tally marks or whatever...stop trying to show off, I can drink your ass under the table, I bet you are a total pussy. In fact, I know you are since you think it's number one cool and number two impressive to announce how many drinks you've had. Also, if you can keep track, you clearly aren't in it to win it and need to step your game up.
I could go on...but I'm hungover. Gotta drink up that coconut water.
Love: Susur Lee. He was a chef on Top Chef Masters and was effing hilarious. He was constantly dropping the f-bomb and getting totally out of control. I also assume his wife is hilarious because of the way he talked about her. On one episode he called her because he did a bad job in one of the challenges and was upset or something, and he said that his wife told him to, "shut the fuck up, stop crying and get off the phone." Amazing. Especially in his Chinese/Canadian accent.
Ok bye,
I could go on...but I'm hungover. Gotta drink up that coconut water.
Love: Susur Lee. He was a chef on Top Chef Masters and was effing hilarious. He was constantly dropping the f-bomb and getting totally out of control. I also assume his wife is hilarious because of the way he talked about her. On one episode he called her because he did a bad job in one of the challenges and was upset or something, and he said that his wife told him to, "shut the fuck up, stop crying and get off the phone." Amazing. Especially in his Chinese/Canadian accent.
 |
| Good god, Susur, you are amazing. |
theGrump
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Whatcha Say
Hellooo, I'm procrastinating, but I'm going to do a short one.
Hate: Sarah Jessica Parker. It's definitely another one of those things where I have a serious passionate hatred for someone but very few real reasons. This happens sometimes. I almost feel bad for these kinds of people, but then I remember how much I hate them. I think the fact that so many people are obsessed with her makes my hatred even stronger. I think she's wayy too jacked, kind of like Madonna. Those anorexic yet somehow bulging old arms are terrifying. Then there's the mole. Ohhhhh, the mole. It's like...I hate the mole, it's all I can concentrate on and probably the only thing in the universe that could keep my disgusted gaze from her freak alien arms, but I also really hate the fact that she got it removed. You just can't win, Sarah. Sorry. It also bugs me that everyone like loves her clothing. I'm not sure if its just the arms and mole making me biased, I mean there is a strong possibility that I've never actually seen anything she's wearing because I've been staring at them, but I just hate everything she wears. PS, Sex and the City sucks. Just throwing it out there.
Love: Speaking of fashion...love this site http://lookbook.nu/#more
:)
theGrump
Monday, February 14, 2011
Where's the Love?
As it is Valentine's Day, let's go that route. I think you'll be surprised at my stance...
Hate: People who hate Valentine's Day. They're are all mad about it being made up or some other bullshit, and I have just one thing to ask you...Who the fuck cares? Yes, you could do the things you do on Valentine's Day any day of the year, but do you? No. We're busy kids and who gives a shit if someone assigned a day that forces you to acknowledge someone else? It isn't even like I loove V-day, I just think it's stupid that someone would hate it. What fucking retard hates a day that only brings good things? You get money and candy and flowers and cards that say nice things about you, I'm just missing what is wrong with that. And if you don't get these things, still who cares? It's not like they're such amazing things that you can't live without them, they're just a plus if you get them. Not to mention, since when do you care about a holiday being complete commercialized bullshit? This is fucking America, everything is commercialized bullshit. Do you really care about Jesus' birthday? I really doubt it since apparently it isn't really Christmas, but I bet you enjoy having a holiday and getting presents. By the by, Coke made up Santa. Do you really give a shit about the Native Americans feeding the pilgrams? Nope. You just are fat and want to eat and have a day off of work and have an excuse to hang out with your fam, and I'm cool with that. The list goes on, but I bet you already feel like enough of a hypocritical dbag so I'll just end it here.
I know it's Valentine's Day and all, but I'm just not feeling the love tonight, ugh this is hard.
Love: My llama sweater I got for 6 bucks at goodwill. It is magical. It is the softest, warmest sweater and it isn't made of llama wool, it just has a giant picture of two llamas. It. Is. The. Best. Purchase. Ever. Don't feel like taking a picture, but you should be jealous.
Peace,
theGrump
Hate: People who hate Valentine's Day. They're are all mad about it being made up or some other bullshit, and I have just one thing to ask you...Who the fuck cares? Yes, you could do the things you do on Valentine's Day any day of the year, but do you? No. We're busy kids and who gives a shit if someone assigned a day that forces you to acknowledge someone else? It isn't even like I loove V-day, I just think it's stupid that someone would hate it. What fucking retard hates a day that only brings good things? You get money and candy and flowers and cards that say nice things about you, I'm just missing what is wrong with that. And if you don't get these things, still who cares? It's not like they're such amazing things that you can't live without them, they're just a plus if you get them. Not to mention, since when do you care about a holiday being complete commercialized bullshit? This is fucking America, everything is commercialized bullshit. Do you really care about Jesus' birthday? I really doubt it since apparently it isn't really Christmas, but I bet you enjoy having a holiday and getting presents. By the by, Coke made up Santa. Do you really give a shit about the Native Americans feeding the pilgrams? Nope. You just are fat and want to eat and have a day off of work and have an excuse to hang out with your fam, and I'm cool with that. The list goes on, but I bet you already feel like enough of a hypocritical dbag so I'll just end it here.
I know it's Valentine's Day and all, but I'm just not feeling the love tonight, ugh this is hard.
Love: My llama sweater I got for 6 bucks at goodwill. It is magical. It is the softest, warmest sweater and it isn't made of llama wool, it just has a giant picture of two llamas. It. Is. The. Best. Purchase. Ever. Don't feel like taking a picture, but you should be jealous.
Peace,
theGrump
Thursday, February 10, 2011
You Show Me Yours and I'll Show You Mine
I forgot how much I love writing in this blog. It's good for the soul. Mine and yours.
Hate: Things touching my neck. It is the worst feeling in the world. Turtlenecks are mind boggling to me because I just do not understand how someone could just...have that thing touching their neck ALL THE TIME. It really makes me judge people who wear turtlenecks because clearly there is something wrong with them. Remember when chokers were really popular? I was still in like middle school and trying to be cool and would wear them and be totally miserable all day just because I decided I had to wear the choker. I broke tons just because I would pretty much walk around holding it as far away from my body as possible. The topper of all things touching the neck however is definitely at the hairdresser when they put the smock thing on you. They always put it on SO TIGHT!! How can anyone deal with that?!?! The thought of them coming at me with that smock is terrifying. When I get my hair cut and they go to put the thing around my neck, I wait until they are about to fumble around with the button in the back, then put my finger in between my neck and the collar so that I have a good inch of room. It was really awkward the last time I went though because she noticed that I did that and we had some awkward eye contact in the mirror where she gave me those "umm, whaaat are you doing" eyes, to which I responded, "I don't like things touching my neck..." Really awkward. But really, I knew she was going to do it too tight, I just took matters into my own hands. Anyway, bottom line, HATE things touching my neck. With a passion.
Love: This video. It starts off slow but gets totally amazing. LOVE it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeoT66v4EHg
Love,
theGrump
Hate: Things touching my neck. It is the worst feeling in the world. Turtlenecks are mind boggling to me because I just do not understand how someone could just...have that thing touching their neck ALL THE TIME. It really makes me judge people who wear turtlenecks because clearly there is something wrong with them. Remember when chokers were really popular? I was still in like middle school and trying to be cool and would wear them and be totally miserable all day just because I decided I had to wear the choker. I broke tons just because I would pretty much walk around holding it as far away from my body as possible. The topper of all things touching the neck however is definitely at the hairdresser when they put the smock thing on you. They always put it on SO TIGHT!! How can anyone deal with that?!?! The thought of them coming at me with that smock is terrifying. When I get my hair cut and they go to put the thing around my neck, I wait until they are about to fumble around with the button in the back, then put my finger in between my neck and the collar so that I have a good inch of room. It was really awkward the last time I went though because she noticed that I did that and we had some awkward eye contact in the mirror where she gave me those "umm, whaaat are you doing" eyes, to which I responded, "I don't like things touching my neck..." Really awkward. But really, I knew she was going to do it too tight, I just took matters into my own hands. Anyway, bottom line, HATE things touching my neck. With a passion.
Love: This video. It starts off slow but gets totally amazing. LOVE it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeoT66v4EHg
Love,
theGrump
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Womanizer
Man am I on a roll, 3 days in a row what upppp???
Hate: Americanos. I didn't even know what an americano was until I moved to Seattle, and I kind of hate that I know what it is now. Contrary to what you may think, it is not spanish for an American, it is a kind of coffee, well I guess espresso, but I don't really want to get technical and this is already a run on sentence. From what I have gathered in my lifetime, Seattle is supposed to be like the epicenter of coffee, I guess it's really just the birthplace of Starbucks, but I don't know, they like their coffee here. Sidenote: Seattlites hate Starbucks. Other sidenote: all of the coffee places on my street except the stealthbucks recently turned Starbucks fucking suck balls so it fucking annoys me that everyone hates it because it's Starbucks. There are tons of coffee places and people are so snobby about their coffee it makes me want to vomit all over their life. I don't give two shits about coffee, it sucks. It is bitter and not tasty and the caffeine doesn't even affect me thanks to my mom letting me drink all the Surge I wanted as a child. Occasionally, for whatever reason, I like to have some (more like hot sugar and milk, but you get it), and more than occasionally when it's warm, I like to have some iced coffee. Preferably Dunkin Donuts iced coffee, but there are no Dunkin Donuts in this godforsaken place. ANYWAY, when I'm out and about in Seattle and I want my iced coffee...no one has drip coffee. What. The. Fuck. This is fucking Seattle, how can you not have drip coffee? THEN, they have the audacity to be like, "is an americano ok?" When I first got here, having no idea what an americano was, I was like ok whatever, how different could it be? ROOKIE MISTAKE! AMERICANOS ARE THE WORST!!!! I did it a few times before I gave up and was like fuck this non-Dunkin shit, what the hell is an americano and why did this person think it would be any kind of replacement for my fucking iced coffee?? It is infuriating. Now when I ask for an iced coffee and they ask me that ridiculous question, I say, "no, it is not ok" and walk out. Because an americano is absolutely not ok. This hate grew from americanos to include the entire coffee culture of Seattle, and I'm ok with it. I pretty much love it.
Love: The last love made me remember one of my all time favorite Seinfeld moments because it too involves bananas. In the episode of Seinfeld, when Elaine is on the subway going to the lesbian wedding and everyone else is on the subway doing various things, Elaine's train is stopped for some reason. The car is super crowded and she's freaking out and the lights go off, you know, she's claustrophobic and people probably smell. Anyway, they have her speaking what she's thinking so you can hear, and at one point she thinks to herself, "Maybe the train will start going in 5 seconds...one banana, two banana, three banana..." I lost it. Probably one of the funniest Seinfeld, nay, TV moments of all time.
<3
theGrump
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Yes There is a War, it's Boys vs. Girls
This keeps happening to me and it is the worst, so I'm going to discuss it with you kids.
Hate: OK, so you know when you get on a bus, you avoid sitting next to someone at all costs. Once every two seater has a person in it, then you can start doubling up, and not before. Well, this hate is of that awkward time on the bus when you are sitting next to someone because the bus was crowded when you got on, but then people start filing out and double seaters begin to open and you are like should I get up and move to that seat or will this person be offended and I should just stay or are they just not thinking about this. This has been causing some serious internal conflict lately, because I personally don't think it's all that bad sitting next to someone unless they smell or something, so if I do get up and move, generally it is because I think you smell, but I still feel guilty because for some reason I think you know what I'm thinking. So a lot of the time I don't move to the open seat because I'm like whatever, I don't really need that much space and I don't want them to think they smell, but then I'm wondering if the other person is like why isn't this person moving to the open seat what is wrong with them, because everyone prefers to sit alone given the choice. Yes, given the choice I would sit in a two seater alone, but once sitting, I just can't decide whether I should move or not. It is the worst.
Love: Youtube. What would I do without it? I know this is pretty obvious, because who doesn't love it, but I just feel like people are spoiled by it and take it for granted now. It is so sick. I can sit and find hilarious videos forever. Here's one of my favorites right now, mostly because I think bananas are hilarious...
LOVEEEE,
theGrump
Monday, February 7, 2011
Jump, Jump
I KNOW, I KNOW, it's been a while. I'm a busy girl, but all you junkies are hounding me so I'll pick a good one.
Hate: Boston accents. Hands down the WORST accent in the fucking world. Seriously, the whole planet. It is an absolute ABOMINATION. It is in no way cute or sexy, it is so annoying in every way imaginable. I literally cannot watch the movie Good Will Hunting specifically for one line said by Matt Damon in his horrific Boston accent, and not horrific in the sense that he does a bad job, but in the sense that any Boston accent is horrific. Anyway, the line is, "How do you like them apples." Seems simple enough, and yet... TERRIBLE. I cannot explain to you how angry that line makes me. Boston in general is a pretty big hate for me, just because of their stupid one sided New York rivalry (Boston...no one in New York fucking cares, get the fuck over it), but the accent takes it to a whole new level of despisal, which isn't a word, but it's happening. No one wants to hear you speak. Ever. Especially to complain about the Yankees. Everyone hates the Yankees, it's old news, but hearing YOU say it makes me want to murder you.
Love: Knocking on wood. I love it. I wouldn't say I'm really superstitious, but I knock on wood ALL THE TIME. And just in case you were wondering the correct way to knock on wood, it is to knock three times. Not two, not one, not four. Three. It really bothers me when someone knocks the incorrect number of times, so read carefully.
Sorry for the delayy,
theGrump
Hate: Boston accents. Hands down the WORST accent in the fucking world. Seriously, the whole planet. It is an absolute ABOMINATION. It is in no way cute or sexy, it is so annoying in every way imaginable. I literally cannot watch the movie Good Will Hunting specifically for one line said by Matt Damon in his horrific Boston accent, and not horrific in the sense that he does a bad job, but in the sense that any Boston accent is horrific. Anyway, the line is, "How do you like them apples." Seems simple enough, and yet... TERRIBLE. I cannot explain to you how angry that line makes me. Boston in general is a pretty big hate for me, just because of their stupid one sided New York rivalry (Boston...no one in New York fucking cares, get the fuck over it), but the accent takes it to a whole new level of despisal, which isn't a word, but it's happening. No one wants to hear you speak. Ever. Especially to complain about the Yankees. Everyone hates the Yankees, it's old news, but hearing YOU say it makes me want to murder you.
Love: Knocking on wood. I love it. I wouldn't say I'm really superstitious, but I knock on wood ALL THE TIME. And just in case you were wondering the correct way to knock on wood, it is to knock three times. Not two, not one, not four. Three. It really bothers me when someone knocks the incorrect number of times, so read carefully.
Sorry for the delayy,
theGrump
Monday, January 24, 2011
A Little Bit of Gold and a Pager
Hate: Hugging. I am not a big toucher. I have a bubble people, get the shit out of it. Hugs are always the worst because they are always SO awkward, although there can be many different reasons for this. First things first, I do not like to be touched. Hugging involves lots of touching. Don't like. Second point of hatred, I probably don't like you all that much. You know what's worse than being touched? Being touched by someone I don't like. This is the more awkward hug because clearly the person hugging me (note: hugging me, since I do not want to be involved) has lower standards of hugworthiness than I do. They probably like me more than I like them and therefore think the hug is appropriate, I on the other hand am dying on the inside. Not ok. Moving on to one armed hugs. THE WORST. If the situation does not call for at least a two armed hug, LEAVE IT. High five (my preferred alternative), do a pound/explode, shake hands, ANYTHING to avoid the one armed hug. It is never appropriate in any situation. Don't you dare one arm hug me. The last thing I have to say about hugs is that they are NOT an appropriate hello/goodbye just any ol' time. If you are hanging out with a bunch of people that you see even semi regularly, you do not need to hug them all when you see them or when you leave. A collective HI! and BYE! will do. You are taking too long in your salutations and there is NO NEED for the touching. There are a select few who I am ok with hugging, even enjoy the hug. They know who they are. No, not you. And now I'll finish off with some wise words from Arrested Development...No touching.
Love: This commercial for Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvHj0vovQHI
You're all awesome,
theGrump
Love: This commercial for Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvHj0vovQHI
You're all awesome,
theGrump
Sunday, January 23, 2011
I am Cannibal
Oopss, I am the worst.
Hate: When there are multiple people in a car and no one is sitting in the front passenger seat. Who do you think you are back there in the back, the driver is not your fucking chauffeur (well I guess it's possible, but I doubt it). WHY wouldn't someone take the front seat if it is open? Did all of those times fighting for shotgun as a child mean nothing to you? Where is your passion?? There is a very specific way to load into a car, the last person that will get out of the car sits in the front. And if for some reason this doesn't happen upon getting in the car, when the person in the front gets out, someone from the back needs to move up to fill in the spot. This is just what you do. And if no one is getting out before anyone else, then there needs to be at least a minor scuffle for the front because CLEARLY it is the choice seat. I do not see where the confusion comes in. It is stupid to not have anyone sitting in the front when they could. You can't hear each other or see each other and therefore can't talk to each other. It is ridiculous and stupid and I HATE you.
Love: Hilarious license plates. I normally hate vanity plates, but if you are not a worthless person, you might be capable of making one that is funny. Some of my all time favorites "cheeto" on a bright orange corvette, "krly fry," and "ninja" on what was clearly a ninja's car.
Love,
theGrump
Hate: When there are multiple people in a car and no one is sitting in the front passenger seat. Who do you think you are back there in the back, the driver is not your fucking chauffeur (well I guess it's possible, but I doubt it). WHY wouldn't someone take the front seat if it is open? Did all of those times fighting for shotgun as a child mean nothing to you? Where is your passion?? There is a very specific way to load into a car, the last person that will get out of the car sits in the front. And if for some reason this doesn't happen upon getting in the car, when the person in the front gets out, someone from the back needs to move up to fill in the spot. This is just what you do. And if no one is getting out before anyone else, then there needs to be at least a minor scuffle for the front because CLEARLY it is the choice seat. I do not see where the confusion comes in. It is stupid to not have anyone sitting in the front when they could. You can't hear each other or see each other and therefore can't talk to each other. It is ridiculous and stupid and I HATE you.
Love: Hilarious license plates. I normally hate vanity plates, but if you are not a worthless person, you might be capable of making one that is funny. Some of my all time favorites "cheeto" on a bright orange corvette, "krly fry," and "ninja" on what was clearly a ninja's car.
Love,
theGrump
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Biggie Smalls is the Illest
Hate: American Apparel ads. You know how many strangers I want to unexpectedly see naked today? None. You sell clothes, by the way. I would appreciate it if you would put them on some of your models instead of having them spread eagle in a brightly colored thong. Especially because your models aren't even hot, yes it matters because I'm American and programmed to hate ugly people. It isn't sexy, that does not make me want to buy the thong. It first shocks me because I was not expecting to see so much lady ass while browsing textsfromlastnight.com, and then pisses me off because I realize it's YOU, the CLOTHING STORE. What is the point in having a (n ugly) model wearing JUST tights. In what scenario would this be a good selling point? It's not even geared towards strippers...hookers, maybe? When your ads stop being aimed at those who sell their bodies for sex, I might stop hating you so much. PS I HATE your unisex clothing schtick. You are not cool or alternative. Go die.
Love: Rice Krispie Treat cereal. Without question the best cereal ever made. The fact that it has stopped being produced (I think, if you EVER SEE IT ANYWHERE you need to tell me) is a fucking crime. I have a serious bone to pick with whatever idiot pulled that plug.
Love: Rice Krispie Treat cereal. Without question the best cereal ever made. The fact that it has stopped being produced (I think, if you EVER SEE IT ANYWHERE you need to tell me) is a fucking crime. I have a serious bone to pick with whatever idiot pulled that plug.
 |
| Godly. Also I love how someone kept this box, I wish that person was me. |
LOVE,
theGrump
Sunday, January 9, 2011
This is My Favorite Show Because it is My Show
Hate: People who think double dipping is disgusting. Calm yourselves. It is not that serious. This kind of is a part of hating germaphobes, but I feel it causes me too much anger to just group with that. What may be worse is when people try to describe it as licking the chip or carrot or whatever it is and dipping it again or something along those lines. It is not like that at all you douche, unless you eat in some disgusting manner and lick the salsa off your tortilla chip before eating the chip itself. And if you do, I want to be the one to personally ban you from any food that needs to be dipped. Since I have such a vast and undying hatred of spit, I feel that I am the expert on the subject of what is and is not disgusting involving spit and have the right to do so. The next person to speak badly about double dipping in my presence is going to get a face full of french onion dip.
Love: Bundling. It's super cold and snowing right now, so I thought I'd let you know how much I love to bundle. If I'm going out to brave the cold I don't even mind because I can't wait to go out there and still be warm. Maybe it's a learned thing from the days when you would bundle to go out sledding or when we could go jump on my trampoline when it was snowing, but I get super excited. And if I'm staying in, it is the BEST to get under a warm blanket with a hot beverage of sorts. I am LOVING the bundle right now. And I'm about to read some Harry Potter. Harry and Ron are about to go into the chamber of secrets.
<3
theGrump
Love: Bundling. It's super cold and snowing right now, so I thought I'd let you know how much I love to bundle. If I'm going out to brave the cold I don't even mind because I can't wait to go out there and still be warm. Maybe it's a learned thing from the days when you would bundle to go out sledding or when we could go jump on my trampoline when it was snowing, but I get super excited. And if I'm staying in, it is the BEST to get under a warm blanket with a hot beverage of sorts. I am LOVING the bundle right now. And I'm about to read some Harry Potter. Harry and Ron are about to go into the chamber of secrets.
<3
theGrump
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Eat, Sleep, Repeat
I'm in a pretty fantastic mood, but we'll try this anyway, I'll do an easy one that doesn't take much explanation.
Hate: Dora the Explorer. She fucking sucks. That show is terrrrrrible, and I'm a huge fan of children's TV. Her voice is annoying and her excursions are totally stupid and I hate all the dumb little creatures they come across, including the map and backpack and Swiper. Hate. Them. All. Your children need to be watching quality television like Yo Gabba Gabba.
Love: ALLCAPS and Ghettobirds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Another love you don't understand, but as I've said many times before, your life is worse than mine. Sorry.
Love,
theGrump
Hate: Dora the Explorer. She fucking sucks. That show is terrrrrrible, and I'm a huge fan of children's TV. Her voice is annoying and her excursions are totally stupid and I hate all the dumb little creatures they come across, including the map and backpack and Swiper. Hate. Them. All. Your children need to be watching quality television like Yo Gabba Gabba.
Love: ALLCAPS and Ghettobirds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Another love you don't understand, but as I've said many times before, your life is worse than mine. Sorry.
Love,
theGrump
Friday, January 7, 2011
Don't Do Sadness, Just Don't Care
Hate: People whom (not sure I've ever used whom before, my computer tells me this is the appropriate time to do so, though), when it's like 2:57, channel surf for shows that end at 3. THOSE SHOWS ARE OVER!! If you insist on being such an idiot, do so on your own time because I would like to see the shows that are not fucking finished. WHY would someone want to see the shows they are missing instead of the ones they could watch from the beginning?? My guess they do not want to do that, and are just being stupid, but it's not like the fucking TV guide channel or scanning for shows are THAT hard to understand. In fact, they are RIDICULOUSLY EASY to understand for a reason...people like you, and yet you are STILL DOING IT WRONG and your stupidity is fucking pissing me off. You need to plan ahead 3 fucking minutes and see what is on next. Jesus. Christ.
Love: Organizing. Cleanliness not necessarily, but organization, yes. I love making lists and color coding and fitting things perfectly. It makes me happy.
LOVE,
theGrump
Love: Organizing. Cleanliness not necessarily, but organization, yes. I love making lists and color coding and fitting things perfectly. It makes me happy.
LOVE,
theGrump
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
How Gangsta is That?
Hate: Licorice and licorice flavored things. Also the way licorice is spelled, which I didn't realize until this hate. I might have to definitively say it is THE worst flavor. All of the others I have discussed are truly awful, but I'm going to go ahead and say licorice is actually the worst. It's up there with the worst thing ever, not just flavor. HOW could someone eat that and be like, "oh yes, this does not make me want to shave my taste buds off." In all honesty, if I eat something licorice flavored by accident (because it would never EVER be on purpose) I probably could vomit if I gave in to my instincts. Isn't that what people do when they eat like poison or something? Therefore, licorice is on the same level as fucking poison. What's even worse is that it's considered candy. What the fuck is that? That shit is not candy. Who was in charge of this decision? That is completely insane. Stop being such a disgusting idiot and eat some real candy.
Love: My friend Jamie's life. You don't know Jamie, and probably don't love her life as much as me, but trust me, she lives in a sitcom. She only gets infomercial presents from people for some reason, she had a door to door job for a nonprofit organization where each outing could have been filmed for her TV show, and now she lives in China where the hilarity has surpassed that of a normal human life. I know 99% of the people who read this have no clue what I'm talking about, but let's just say your life is worse for it.
<3
theGrump
Love: My friend Jamie's life. You don't know Jamie, and probably don't love her life as much as me, but trust me, she lives in a sitcom. She only gets infomercial presents from people for some reason, she had a door to door job for a nonprofit organization where each outing could have been filmed for her TV show, and now she lives in China where the hilarity has surpassed that of a normal human life. I know 99% of the people who read this have no clue what I'm talking about, but let's just say your life is worse for it.
<3
theGrump
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