Too Legit, Too Legit to Quit

Hate: Guys with fat necks.  It is the most unattractive thing ever.  The worst is they think they're all hot because it usually happens when they're really muscular, but seriously...your neck is wider than your head.  It is not cute.  To anyone.  Ever.  It is just not how a human is supposed to look and that's all there is to it.  How can someone get to a point where the diameter of their head is smaller than that of their neck??  There are so many levels to that question, too.  First, physically it's amazing that they have accomplished this feat because it just seems like it should not be possible for the muscles of your neck to swell so much that they overtake the width of your skull.  I mean, there is no reason for your neck to be bigger than your brain.  What are you using your neck for that it needs to be so beefy?  Second, it is nuts that someone looks at themselves on a daily basis in their bathroom and the gym and everywhere and thinks, "yea, this is good," or even, "yea, I don't look like someone with a freakishly fat neck right now."  You look absolutely narst.  I'm not sure where the positive feedback is coming from, but take it from me...you're disgusting.  Relax with the weight training until you resemble a human being.

Love: Hocus Pocus.  It is the best Halloween movie ever.  Pure gold.  I love it even though I hate Sarah Jessica Parker, but that's for another day.

<3,
theGrump

We Thought We Were So Smart

As I live in Seattle now and it is apparently about to start getting really rainy, I'll hate on my least favorite thing about rain.

Hate: Girls who wear Uggs in the rain or snow.  All I have to say is, JESUS CHRIST, UGGS ARE NOT WATERPROOF YOU DUMB SLUT.  I do not know who they think they're fooling, like "oh, no one will know my feet are soaked and frostbitten because my shoes have foam soles and a fake wool liner."  Or why that would be a thing you wanted people to think instead of actually just wearing appropriate shoes.  Especially because having wet socks is one of the worst feelings ever.  It is absolutely one of the most ridiculous things I've ever encountered.  So many girls do this and it is BAFFLING.  I don't know if in order to preserve the little neuronal activity they have, they can't feel temperature that far away from their brains or what, but seriously.  We all know your feet are wet and cold.  I hope you also know this.  There is quite possibly no worse choice of footwear, except maybe kitten heels (vom at the name kitten heels).  Please die.

Love: Coloring.  I wrote about loving crafts before, but coloring is another love of mine.  Coloring is such a great rainy/lazy day activity.  It's fun and you make something pretty and you don't have to get out of your pjs, what could be bad?  My personal favorite coloring books are Precious Moments, but they are ridiculously hard to find.  If you find one please give it to me?  I'm serious.

LOVE,
theGrump

I Have You Right Where I Want You

Hate: Chanting.  Of all kinds.  At sporting events, parties, concerts, shows, whatever.  It is so obnoxious.  I guess I just think I'm too hip to join in on these festivities.  Not really, I just think it's super annoying.  I don't know why people think yelling something over and over isn't annoying in some situations.  I think I'm just being less hypocritical than most people.  If someone/some people started chanting your name, or for you to do something on an everyday basis, you would absolutely kill them.  So why do people insist on using it as some form of appreciation/praise?  It's loud and annoying, saying something over and over is literally a strategy people use to annoy others.  If I am ever in a situation where everyone around me is chanting, trust, I do not give in to peer pressure.  I sit grumpily glaring around until the chanting is over.

Love: Asking my dog "What are you doing??"  Even though she is a dog and cannot answer me, she always gives the most hilarious answers.  She knows I'm talking to her but doesn't really know what to do about it.  It is the cutest and most hilarious thing ever.  Talking to all animals is pretty hilarious.  "What are you doing," is a pretty common question for me to ask, and just the general greeting, a very excited "Helloo!!!!"  They're so happy you're talking to them, but don't know how to answer you.  I need some furry animal to talk to and make me laugh.

Haha, I'm the weirdest,
theGrump

Don't Call Me Peanut.

Oops, it's been a while.  I'll try to do a good one, but I went apple and pumpkin picking today so it might be hard mustering up adequate hate.

Hate: When live babies and animals are computerized to "talk" on TV and in movies.  I don't mind giving them some sort of inner voice or even them being able to communicate and understand others inner voices...or normal voices, but the whole making the mouth move with it.  Not cool.  It is gross and scary and annoying.  Obviously it annoys me (and hopefully you) because it does not look right and because of it's lack of necessity (we get the baby/dog is supposed to be talking, but actually can't in real life), but something about it is so scary and gross.  I have to avert my eyes.  I think it's because their facial expressions aren't coordinated with the words, and for some reason it is terrifying.  It makes them look soulless.  And it's gross because it's so unnatural and therefore just doesn't sit well.  The mixture of these things makes me really angry that people would spend the time and money to do this when it is so clearly the worst thing in all ways imaginable.  Seriously, if even one person (ME) feels like you have single handedly made babies and animals disgusting, evil creatures, I think that should be reason enough to stop the madness.

Love: Google.  We were just discussing what would happen if Google disappeared one day.  The chaos that would ensue.  I would never be able to do ANYTHING without it.  I would never be able to find anything or know how to do anything, or know anything in general.  It guides my decision making, and as an indecisive person, I love it for that.

Loveski,
theGrump

Who Loves Orange Soda?

Just because I was shopping today and had one of those moments where I was like, "Those shoes are disgusting" and the person right next to me was trying them on, I'll hate on why she deserved it...

Hate: Kitten heels.  Both the name and the object.  In case you don't know what kitten heels are, they are those really short and skinny heels that should not exist (according to wikipedia they are stiletto heels of 5 cm or less in height...it annoys me even more, if possible, that there is such an exact definition).  What is the point of this hideous footwear?  If you're going to wear a heel at all, man up and wear one that #1 makes your legs look hot and #2 doesn't make everyone want to punch you.  That's right, everyone wants to punch you because of your DUMB shoes.  It's painful to think that I live in a society where someone could pick up a pair and think to themselves, "hmmm, I do not want to gouge my eyes out with this abomination."  Also could they have a more annoying name?  The kitten heel is by far the most ear splitting title for an object ever.  I mean, I think I would like the person who named them if only because they clearly also hated them.  And if they didn't hate them, then I think this could be my most hated person in history.  Move over Hitler, the person who named kitten heels is coming through.

Love: OK, so you know when you need to go diagonally across a busy street, so you need to cross two crosswalks?  It is THE best when you cross one when it says walk (actually when it is like walk/blinking don't walk) so you get to the other just as it's turning to walk so you don't have to wait at all!!  Obviously I get annoyed a lot about a lot of things, but seriously look how easily amused I am.  When this happens it makes my day...SO so good!!

<3,
theGrump

I Haven't Got a Stitch to Wear

Hate: Birds as pets.  Birds are so obviously the worst pet.  First, it seems terrible to keep something that should be flying its heart out in a cage.  Then there is their annoying squawking.  That is the worst sound that comes out of an animal.  It is in no way endearing.  I also don't like the fact that they don't have fur, although I cant explain why this only applies to birds and not reptiles.  I guess because reptiles are just all around cooler than birds.  I think the bulk of this hatred lies in how much I hate pigeons, seagulls and crows.  I hate them so much that my love of penguins can't even make up the lost ground.  Their poop falls from the sky and they don't move when you're walking down the street and they make annoying noises and they pester you when you're at the beach ETC ETC.  They are all terrible and it makes me hate all birds.

Love: Interracial couples and the babies they produce.  Interracial couples are the cutest, love them.  Especially old ones who were couples before it was cool.  GOD they are the cutest.  Secondly, mixed babies are (almost) ALWAYS the cutest babies, and then later on in life they become the most good looking people.  It's the best of both worlds.  Occasionally there is some terrible mixing of genes that does not work, but in general...super humans.

:)
theGrump

You a Bug-A-Boo

Hate: When people say "hate is a strong word."  It's not.  There are much stronger words of distaste than hate.  Especially these days, it almost means nothing.  It's just like I really don't like that.  Take me for example, if hate was such a strong word I would have a very serious problem in normal society.  Because I truly hate all the things I say I do, some more than others, but it is most definitely hatred.  I can deal with them when I'm out and about, I just make a mental note of hating and move on.  If I loathed or despised these things I feel like it might be a little harder to just get on with my life after witnessing one of the things I describe.  Also, back up off me, I hate what I want.  Don't tell me I dislike something too much, you don't know me!  (I also hate when people say, "you don't know me.")

Love: Getting my hair cut.  I really need one and I'm so getting one this week.  I'm definitely not one that gets nervous about getting my hair cut, I'm easy to please.  And it feels so nice when they wash your hair and when you leave it looks and feels the best it's going to until the next time you get it cut.  Eeee, can't wait for the cut.  I believe I'm going to go to Salon Swagger.  Get some mad swag.

Love,
theGrump

I Wanna Publish Zines and Rage Against Machines

Hate: When people get all pissed that Americans say soccer instead of football.  Also Americans who say football, don't give in to those stuck up English douches.  How come we are the only ones who people care about saying something other than football because soccer "makes no sense."  British English and American English are different, we say different things all the time, and American English is better, so back the fuck up.  We aren't even the only country that doesn't use football.  A lot of languages only use it phonetically, so in their language it doesn't actually mean foot and ball and therefore makes just as little sense as soccer so suck it.   Does fut mean foot in Spanish?  Does calcio translate from Italian into foot and ball?  In fact, right now I'm going to list all the languages that don't use a direct translation that "makes sense."  Afrikaans, Albanian, Catalan, Czech, Estonian, French, Galician, Hungarian, Icelandic, Indonesian, Italian, Latvian, Lithuanian, Malay, Maltese, Polish, Portuguese, Romanian, Slovak, Slovenian, Spanish, Swahili, Turkish and Vietnamese.  Who's wrong now, bitch?
My lovely, soccer loving friend has just informed me that the word soccer is actually a British slang term.  A little hypocritical, don't you think?  Sooooooo....EAT IT YOU EFFING LIMEYS

Love: Dixie.  She is my dog and she is the greatest animal in existence.  You may have thought that your pet was, but let me assure you that you're wrong.  The Dixie is numero uno.  We found her in Michigan (one more reason why Onekama is amazing) and she is THE cutest and the smartest dog ever.  No, there are no exceptions there when I say ever.  She has hilarious eyebrows, and you can put her hair in a mohawk or spikes or whatever you please.  JUST LOOK AT THAT FACE!  You know when you get a puppy and they're so cute and you're just obsessed, but then when they enter the dog phase some of that obsession kind of dies down a little..never happened with Dixie.  She is cuter than even the most adorable puppy.  Or any other being ever.  I love her so much that sometimes when I really miss her, I'm just going to write her as my love again.  So you'll be hearing from her in the future.

Aw, I miss my pup.

...

theGrump

She's the Party Queen and She's in Party Heaven

This didn't start off this way, but apparently it's going to be a kid's themed blog today.

Hate: Thomas the Tank Engine.  He was the worst and his show was the worst.  I always hated him even as a child.  Trains are stupid.  The mouths change expressions but don't even move when they talk.  Every single object on that show had the dumbest voice.  Also, I really hate, and have always hated, the narrater's voice.  AND they couldn't even hire other people to be the voices of the different characters??  Maybe the reason the show sucked so much was because it was just that one guy doing everything.  It was just him with all his sucky toy trains in his apartment (aka the basement of his moms house).  All of my toys were so much cooler than those stupid toys and I could have made a much more entertaining show, AND the animation would have been just as good.

Love: Lollipops.  Such a good candy.  I don't know why the stick makes them better than other hard candies, but IT SO DOES.  And people still give them out for free!  I love going to the bank and the doctor.  For any other young adult I'm sure it's a chore, but I'm like WAHOOO LOLLIPOP!!!

Later alligator,

theGrump

Pump, Pump, Pump it Up

I used to kind of make the title have something to do with the hate...I don't know what happened to that. Oh well.

Hate: Seltzer.  What a terrible drink.  It tastes like salty carbonation.  I didn't really have any horrible feelings towards seltzer until I went on my little eurotrip.  During our stay we discovered, much to our dismay, that Europeans LOVE seltzer.  This caused a lot of depressing times because when we were hungover and dehydrated and had to get up to travel, or just every day when we were hungover and dehydrated, it was very often a toss up whether we were buying seltzer or water.  It was so hard to tell the difference in some countries!  Things weren't in english and people didn't speak english, etc. so we would spend hours (ish) trying to decide which drink was water and which was seltzer before buying, but we were wrong...a lot.  Opening the caps was always the big moment, like oh man, here it goes, this going to make me the happiest ever or am I going to want to smash someone's face.  And then the fizz noise.  Smash.  Terrible because aside from being an awful drink all around, seltzer is the WORST hangover drink.  Every time that I bought seltzer by accident increased my hatred ten fold, and now here I am, the biggest seltzer hater in all the land.

Love: The transitive property.  The transitive property states that if A=B, and B=C, then A=C.  This is by far the greatest thing to ever come out of geometry.  So fabulous to use in every day life.  I haven't used it in a while, but after this, that is clearly going to change.  

<3,

theGrump

I've Got a Grand Idea!

Hate: Going to clubs.  I have already expressed my distaste of some of those dancing at clubs, however I did not go into detail about the venue in itself.  What is the appeal of going to a dance club?  Reason for hatred number one, they are always WAY too crowded, and from the contents of this blog you can estimate that I hate approximately 98% of people there.  I do not enjoy surrounding myself with people I despise, and that is one surefire way to do it.  Reason two, it is too effing hot up in that piece.  Sweating profusely is not something I like, I might even go so far as to say I hate it.  Why bother dressing up to go to a hot ass, dark club, when by the time you leave and anyone can actually see you, you look like a sweaty, hot mess?  Reason three, in order to attend said club, because sometimes I am pretty much forced into going or else I will be sitting at home alone knitting, I have to be EXTREMELY drunk, or else I will surely get in a fight with one of the MANY people I hate.  There's nothing wrong with being extremely drunk and dancing, but it's almost impossible to get a drink, AND you have to squeeze up next to the worst of the worst kinds of people there, AND the drinks are dumb expensive.  Do they not realize that I need to stay drunk or else I can't force myself to stay at their dumb club?  Reason four, guys that attend clubs are the worst.  They are never cute or charming or smart or have any game or rhythm.  Get. Away. From. Me.

 I wouldn't say that those are the only reasons for not attending a club, but I'd say those are some good ones and I'll leave it at that.

Love: My favorite vacation spot, Onekama, MI.  Now I don't want anyone to go stealing it on me, because I don't want it to be contaminated with tourists, although it kind of needs it.  It is the best place for the summer.  Perfect weather, a non crowded beach with no salt or sharks, boating, wave running, drive in movies, cherry picking, dune climbing, copious drinking, lack of police force, overall debauchery, and the coolest kids you know...my fam.  Get ready to be jealous.

Yep, that's for beer pong on the lake.

My beach, where you won't get eaten by a shark.

Game promoting daytime drinking, check.

Aw, my lake.

Ya burnt,
theGrump

Shhhhhhhh, I'm Listening to Reason

Hate: Super perfumed soaps and people who use them.  Your soap is TOO smelly, and therefore YOU are too smelly.  Now instead of smelling clean, you smell like you bathed in nasty cheap perfume and need to be outcast lest the particles travel to the general public and we all stink.  There is just NO point in bathing if you are going to smell overwhelmingly terrible after, too.  Instead of smelling clean, you just smell like you're trying to cover up an even worse stench, if a worse stench is possible.  I actually probably would prefer your natural musk.  To me, the goal of bathing is to not smell at all, or to only smell nice to those who are REALLY close to you.  This is my philosophy because if everyone chose to smell as strongly (and disgustingly) as you, could you imagine the chaos??  The world would be too smelly a place.  You would never be able to smell anything good ever again.  So bottom line, stop interrupting my daily life  with your overwhelming odor.  Use Dove soap or a mild smelling body wash and call it a day.  That is all.

Love: Leggings being in style.  As a person who hates wearing pants, leggings are one of the greatest things to have ever happened.  I can now practically never wear real pants and it's ok.  Thank you leggings.  Thank you.

LOVE,
theGrump

Rain, Rain, Rain On My Mind

I know this kid http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TS4w5vhFbns&has_verified=1said this in his little hate video, but I swear I already hated it AND already had my hate list.

Hate: When couples sit on the same side of the table.  Must you be touching at all times?  You disgust me.  Or maybe your little girlfriend there is giving you a hand job under the table (sorry for that, but for the record, saw it happen once in Friday's in College Park, Maryland).  There is a reason tables for two are set up with the seats facing each other, it is so the people can look at each other when they talk to each other because that is normal and not awkward.  Like you.  You're fighting nature and making everyone angry and a little uncomfortable.  I think you can put your cuddlefest or whatever other reason you think could possibly be excusable (it is not by the way) to sit next to each other on hold for the hour you are out to eat because no one wants to see that, and also you are sitting wrong.  How annoying is it to think that when the host/hostess seats them she sits them across from each other and then they MOVE to sit next to each other.  Infuriating.  I think if I ever see this happening from now on I'm going to have to say something, because I mean, what do they think they're doing??

Love: Cherry Republic Sour Cherry Patches.  The best candy ever.  I recently ran out of my stash left over from Michigan this summer and I am so sad about it.  It is possible to order online, but if I go there, there's no turning back.  However, I wouldn't let you miss out on such a delicious opportunity so if you want to try, or you know if you want to send a case to your favorite ginger, here's the website http://www.cherryrepublic.com/product/Sour-Cherry-Patches-1lb/cherry-candy

Love,
theGrump

I Wanna See You Explode

Hate: The noise of cracking joints.  I cannot stand it.  So obviously, I hate people who crack their joints on a regular basis.  Fingers, toes, necks, whatever.  That is so fucking disgusting.  The weirder the joint, the more disgusting it is.  I'd say the order from least disgusting to most goes, fingers < back < neck < toes < knees < wrists < hips  < anything else I might kill you.  Not only is it a little gag reflex trigger, it makes me physically feel pain.  Watching someone crack their knuckles makes my fingers ache and so on.  The pain is worse with weirder joints.  I don't know why this happens, but obviously I do not like it so you need to STOP that.  I am already cringing and gagging, I do not also need to be in pain.  So officially for the record, no, I will not crack your back. Not only would I have to hear it, but also kind of feel the cracking take place. That is suuuper not ok.  And again, my joints crack from time to time, and the same goes for me.  I hate it, and I get equally grossed out even though mine is unintentional.

I'm going to have to cut this short because I am starving and want to go make some dinz, quick love...

Love: Maoz.  Look it up.  Bomb.

One love,
theGrump

10 Second Dance Party

Hate: When people use the abbreviations "u" "2" "b" "r" etc.  Really?  Those are the shortest words ever.  If you insist on abbreviating something, then at least do it with practical words.  For example, words with more than 3 letters in them.  And in what context are you so rushed that you need to save those .0002 seconds?  If your deadline is that important, then I'm assuming it is also a deadline for something where, "wut r u doing 2nite" might not be appropriate.  There is absolutely no point in training your fingers to type this way because eventually when you are actually typing something important, you'll just have to spend even more time fixing dumb errors (because if you don't, whoever is going to read said important document will think you are a fucking idiot).  See?  It's just plain ol' logic: You lose more time in the long run correcting your asinine abbreviations than you actually save in typing like a douche in the first place.

Love: People falling.  Mean, I know, yet it is so funny.  This is probably why I love AFV so much, it's a lot of falling.  I'm not a sadist or anything, it's just people make the most hilarious faces when they know they are going to fall.  My all time favorite fall is not an outright fall, but when someone stumbles and is inevitably going to fall, but they still try to run so their feet catch up to the top half of their body.  I just tried to find a good video but forgot I was on a mission and ended up watching like a half hour of AFV clips.  So just use your imagination.

Wuv,
theGrump

Hood Rat

Hate: People who brush their teeth in the shower.  That is so gross, why would you ever?? First of all, when you spit, you'd get spit on your feet.  Unacceptable.  Secondly, brushing your teeth with hot water is nastyyy (I assume, since I have never done this).  No one wants to drink just hot water.  It tastes wrong.  Ew.  People want cold water.  Cold water is refreshing and normal.  I doubt you're taking a cold shower, so stop being so gross.  It's not even a time saver.  If you brush in the shower, your shower is going to be 2 minutes longer anyway, you might as well do it in the sink like a normal person.  And if you brush in the shower are you also going to floss and rinse with mouthwash?  I didn't think so, chief.  Stop being weird and disgusting.

Love: My PBR watch.  My prized possession.  Quite possibly the greatest thing ever purchased for five dollars.

Bam.

Love,

theGrump

Soup! There it is

Hate: Non-homemade baked goods.  Not even things that aren't made from scratch, just things that come premade in a box.  I don't see how there is a market for these products.  Americans are retarded.  The thing I hate is that people buy them and pretend like they are a good alternative to anything they make.  No.  You could pretty much make ANYTHING out of ANY box and it would be a million times better than that garbage.  It's not like my mom was this amazing baker and made anything crazy that would set my standards higher than anyone else, so this is what I don't get...How could someone buy some Entamen's shit and be like, yum!  This is going to be great!  What??  No it's not! It's been sitting in that paper and plastic packaging for weeks, it's going to be the worst!!  A little surge of hate boils up any time someone offers that shit to me.  Hell no I do not want that.  How dare you.

Love:  The idea of tripping someone.  It's pretty much hilarious.  I mean I don't trip people very often, but I think I really should trip people I hate more.  Everyone should.  Not only is it a huge inconvenience for them, but it makes them look like an idiot and everyone gets so mad when they trip.  It's the most amusing thing ever.

One,
theGrump

Drunk Goggles are REAL

First hand experience.  Right here.

Hate: Mouth breathers.  You are wrong, kids.  On a serious note, your mouth is literally not meant as a primary source of air intake.  Breathing through your mouth is actually bad for you, it is a sign of health problems and also causes health problems.  Your nose, on the other hand, is right.  No health problems there...it filters and warms the air that goes into your lungs, creates the right pressure and therefore oxygen/carbon dioxide exchange, and you won't die in your sleep.  On a still serious but less scientific note, breathing through your mouth makes a disgusting noise.  What have I told you about making noise?  Do not do it.  Be quiet.  Your mouth is all dry and you are rattling like death (or for you Harry Potter lovers out there...a dementor) and I want you to shut it.  If there is something wrong with you, fix it.  I do not care if this involves blowing your nose or reconstructive surgery.  Just.  Do.  It.  No one wants to listen to you as you die slowly from potential hypertension, or be reminded that you are going to die quickly because of sleep apnea complications.  Close your goddamn mouth.

Love: Crushed ice.  Far superior to cubed in texture and overall drink appeal.  It kind of makes everything into a slushie, and who wouldn't love that?  Clearly the correct cooling device for a beverage.

Love,
theGrump