Doing Funky Ass Shit Like Every Single Day

I missed my first day!  I didn’t have internet all day because we were at my cousins motorcycle race all day then drove straight to Michigan from there.  And now it’s 8:30 AM.  I wrote my little hate/love in the car so I hope you like ittt.

Hate: The words moist, goiter, ointment, supper, supple, dollop (and therefore DESPISE that Daisy sour cream commercial), pussy, chillax, ‘nuff (as in “’nuff said”), and hella.  All so terrible.  There are differences in the hatred though…moist, goiter, ointment and pussy are all of a more of a cringing “EWWWW I did not like that never ever use that word ever!!” kind of hate, where as the others are more of a “Really?  That’s going to be your word choice?  Well fine, but just know that I hate you.”  The word hate all began with moist.  I know a lot of people also hate it, but I’ve found that a lot of it is the “oi” combination.  The worst combo.  I don’t know where the supper came from, but extreme dislike.  Dollop came from that commercial that I hate.  I don’t think before Daisy sour cream I could decipher the hate because it’s usually just said once in passing, and usually by Martha Stewart or on the Food Network, both of which I love, but that commercial was too much.  The first time I saw it, it was like “oh no…stop that…stop saying that!!!”  Supple was realized in high school in AP History when a group of us were trading essays and Obed Obwoge used the word supple in his essay about Abraham Lincoln.  I was shocked and appalled, clearly since I still remember and still hate it.  Chillax, hella and ‘nuff said are just the worst slang terms ever.  They are a dead giveaway of how fucking lame you must be.  Enough said.

Love:  Stealing.  Oh man, this is about to sound real bad.  Not just stealing all the time, I mean specifically stealing while I’m intoxicated and from people I dislike. This all began my freshman year of college when I was forced to go party hopping on frat row by a few of my friends.  Frats aren’t really my deal.  Usually when I’m somewhere I don’t want to be I’m grumpy and like “Oh yea? Well, fuck you guys, guess what?  Now you get to take care of me while I forget this experience,” Apparently while blacked out and grumpy, I comforted myself by taking tons of random things from all the frats.  I don’t know how I was getting around carrying so much stuff without anyone stopping me, but I woke up with a fire detector and extinguisher, a full bottle of vodka, a couple shot glasses, one of the frats paddles (which apparently is a big deal, my b) and various other household items.  This amused me, so from there I just started stealing random stuff from people who really suck.  Nothing ever really serious or that would affect anyone else, but enough to make me laugh and maybe piss them off.  So be careful people I hate, I hope your stuff is nailed down. 

Oh jeez, I feel bad about how terrible that is, but why lie to myself?  I’m probably still going to do it.  Just don’t be a terrible person and you’ve got nothing to worry about.

And that is the end.

LOVE, 

theGrump