I have no clue what day it is or how many days I've missed, I don't think it's very many, but I was reminded of this hate last night and oh lord I hate it so much.

Hate: When people rhyme a word with the same word.  It doesn't work like that.  A word does not rhyme with itself.  It's just the same word.  It just doesn't rhyme.  Even when I was little and would read Goodnight Moon, I would get mad at this one part when they try to rhyme moon with moon again.  Nope.  And it happens in rapping pretty often, unfortunately never know the names of songs, not to mentions rap songs, so I can't give any examples.  If you are going to have a career where you think you may be rhyming a lot, you need to do WORK on that vocab, or you need to invest in a sick rhyming dictionary.  I also hate when I'm listening to a song and there was a part that didn't rhyme that should have and could have very easily.  I only say that because of one particular popular song right now that I've only heard because sometimes my iTrip doesn't work in my car and I have to listen to the 7 songs on the radio.  Anyway, it's on of those 7, it's a girl that says "lalalalala" a lot.  So there's a part in that song where she says something about her boyfriend thinking she's with "some other boy" when it would rhyme and not sound so dumb if she said "some other guy."  I mean I'm 99% sure she didn't write that song and she's just kind of hot with some connections, but still, whoever wrote it needed to write it the way I think it should be written.

AAAnd the lovers

Love: Kid on leashes.  I've seen so many of them on this cross country trip and it is making me so happy.  It is just so funny that I literally cannot help pointing and laughing.  The kids are so excited to wear those backpack leashes, and their parents are like yep, walkin' my kidd.  Love it.  As soon as I get preggers I'm investing in a leash.

Ohhhhh responsible parenting.

LOVEEEEE,
theGrump.

Beach Bummin'

So this one I just decided for sure yesterday.  So now it's official.

Hate: Going to the beach.  I am a ginger.  I am a HUGE whitey.  Going to the beach for me entails sitting on a towel reading a book or a magazine and listening to my ipod (this all sounds ok until...) and waiting until I forget to put sunscreen on at some interval and I get some sort of extremely awkward sunburn, or as I like to call it, the Marzitan.  All I can think about when I'm there is how longs it's been since I last put on sunscreen.  That is not fun for me.  When you're little and you're like swimming for hours and building sandcastles and all that fun stuff it's ok, in the scheme of things putting on sunscreen sometimes is fine because the annoyingness of it is cancelled out by the fun of all the things you're doing.  But now, no one wants to do fun stuff at the beach.  No one even really wants to go in the water except for a few seconds to cool off.  Everyone just wants to "tan."  Look at me.  I do not tan.  I am literally just laying there counting down the minutes until I have to put sunscreen on next.  And if I'm not doing that then I'm just laying there getting a Marzitan that looks ridiculous and is extremely painful for days.  F. that. noise.

And on a related note...

Love:  Continuous spray sunscreen.  It has seriously changed my life.  Before this, I would have even more awkward sunburns, if possible.  Like random splotches of red and finger prints and shit.  Now I can almost always avoid the Marzitan when I put the sunscreen on in small enough intervals.  My life is so sad.

Sigh,
theGrump

Take off that DUMB Shirt

Hate: Shirts with angel wings on the back.  I'll go so far as to say anything with angel wings anywhere on it.  Angel wing tattoos, earrings, necklaces.  None of it is ok.  I'm not sure where this came from or why it's all over my life right now, but it is getting to be too much for me.   Was it this Ed Hardy character that started it?  I'm not sure if people who wear them or think they makes them angelic or innocent or what, but I can pretty much definitively say that anyone who has these accessories is a huge douche.

Love: Foaming hand soap.  I get really happy in a public restroom when the soap is the foam.  I'm not sure why it is so much better, but it is my favorite thing.  Well my favorite thing in public bathrooms anyway...besides the super powerful hand dryers maybe...

LOVEEE,
theGrump

Don't Make Me Ask if You Were Raised in a Barn! whore.

Farting around in Arizona, thought I'd hate on something for a min...

Hate: Loud chewing.  Usually associated with chewing with your mouth open.  GAH CLOSE YOUR MOUTH.  How big are your teeth that you can't open and close them with your lips closed?  When eating a banana you make a gross noise even with your mouth closed, but when you chew with your mouth open while eating anything else it pretty much always sounds like eating a banana.  Not cool.  I do not want to see or hear that.  I will be that annoying grandma figure that tells you to close your mouth if you are near me.  Or else I will just hate you silently until it I explode with disgust and kill you.
-Oh my god I was so grumpy earlier that I forgot a huge part of this hate!!  Let me just get it out there quickly...you cannot breathe out of your mouth and chew at the same time.  This is what your nose is for.  You don't breathe out of your mouth for the rest of your day, and it should be the same when you're eating.    More so because your mouth is already full of something and it should follow logically that nothing else...even air...should be in there.  The WORST noise.   Everyone hates you.

I'm too grumpy to love.

I Referenced "The Matrix" Twice. 2 Times.

Oh hello again.  It's true, the other night I did reference the Matrix twice.  That aside, let's get down to business.

Hate: Harry Potter haters.  How can you hate the Harry Potter series?  That is preposterous.  It is THE best.  I have reread the series so many times and every time I finish the 7th book it's just as depressing that there are no more to read/that I am not a witch/that Harry Potter isn't my best friend or husband, so I just start reading again.  I just don't get how someone isn't as entranced as I am...Whyy do you not want to go to Hogwarts???  Why don't you want to believe in magic?  What is fundamentally wrong with you?  You are an idiot.  When I go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios I am going to nerd out like you would not believe.  I want to stay there forever and live in a sick fantasy.  And yes I realize what I'm saying, and yes, I still think you are the one that has some sad personality defect that makes you feel differently.

Oh yea, I'm cool.  And I know it.  You all know you secretly feel the same way as I do.  And if you don't, well you now know how I feel about you.

Ugh, loving is hard.  I never have time and I don't get as heated.  Another quickiee...

Love: Target.  Ahhhhhh, I love it.  It has everything I need and tons of stuff I don't need but will purchase anyway.  Everything is so super.  It never let's me down.  Unlike you.

Haha,
theGrump

My Favorite Colors be Platinum and Gold

With a ridiculously long drive ahead of them tomorrow, Arianna and Mary are a little grumpy, minus the pit stop at a Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives place TBD.  So I'm gonna do what I do best and hate something.

Hate: The consistency of cheesecake, pumpkin pie, rice pudding, cottage cheese and the like.  I haven't even tried rice pudding or cottage cheese.  How can one think to themselves, yes, putting this in my mouth is going to be a good idea?  I can absolutely not even look at it without having to compose myself.  Getting past the general appeal (which is TERRIBLE), let's say I got up enough courage to try some.  Nope.  How could I eat something that makes THAT noise when a utensil is used to obtain some???  Vomit.  Against my better judgement, I have tried cheesecake and pumpkin pie, even though it shares a lot of the same characteristics of things that I hate on principle.  This was a bad idea.  Everyone bugged me so much about never having tried them and how these are like the best desserts ever and I finally gave in.  Neither experience was a pleasant one.  It's not even about the taste, I cannot get past the texture.  How can you enjoy something that makes you want to puke the second you close your mouth around the bite?  Apparently a lot of people can, but not this kid.  

I only have 5 minutes left in this day so I'm going to do a totally self-explanatory love...

Love: Jim Halpert's face.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLrvwfvOuaw&feature=related
Oh, hello Jim.

I'm 99% sure I'm not going to be up in this blog tomorrow, so goodbye for a few days

Looooveee,

theGrump

Morning Quickie

I am moving across the country and I'm hungover and rushing around all day so I need to do a quick hatred this fine morn.  And yes the title was meant to be a sexual innuendo.

Hate: Kids aged approximately 6-10.  You want evidence?  Watch Full House.  A little edit-Watch the progression of Full House.

Love: Kopparberg Cider.  I've only found one place in the states that has it, if you find any other please give it to me.

Looove,

theGrump

There's No Hope in Dope

Hate: Girls with raspy voices.  You know what I mean.  Like that fake raspy voice that really bratty girls pretend to have.  I just don't get it.  It is the worst sound in the world to me, nails on a chalkboard, styrofoam rubbing together, the sound of someone eating a banana, you name it.  Well maybe not as bad as someone eating a banana.  The thing that is the worst is that it is not a real voice.  I KNOW THAT'S NOT YOUR REAL VOICE!  It's just to make you sound cool and bratty and like you just smoked 30 cigarettes.  And it drives me insane.  I hope you get oral cancer and grow hair on your taste buds.

Yep, hairy tongue.

Love: The Dairy Queen flamethrower sandwich commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUOqFV_v5po
Tell me that is not hilarious.

LOVE,
theGrump

ZOMG 4 Followers

No hate yesterday, my BBBB.

Hate: Girls who work out without tying their hair back.  Why???  I know it's uncomfortable.  Your hair is definitely sticking to your sweat and I know you don't like it.  I also know that there was definitely SOMETHING you could have tied it back with...a hair tie, a rubber band, a shoelace, anything...anything that ties.  Why must you do this?  It can't be because they think they look cute, sweaty hair does not look cute.  Maybe being sweaty in general can just by bringing back those primal instincts, but the hair is gross.  I offered a girl at the gym a hair tie once because she was annoying me so much, it was all I could think about.  She said no which made me hate her even more, if possible.  Guys too, like I hate those soccer players that just have that dumb headband plastering down their nasty sweat hair to their foreheads.  Those guys have enough money to get a pack of hair ties.  In fact, everyone does.  The main thing is, those guys definitely have enough money to get a hair cut.

Love: Weather.com.  My favorite website, no contest.  It's just super.  I don't know what I would do without it...probably just be dressed inappropriately at all times which would be terrible.  Thank god I have it.

Love,

theGrump

Know Your Role

Whew, back from a long drive just in time to hate.  And hate I will because I am grumpy right now.

Hate: People who nod along while someone else is speaking.  This is most annoying when a bunch of people are listening to someone speaking with some authority on whatever subject.  Why are you nodding?  Is it to show that you understand that someone is speaking and you should be listening?  We all understand this fact.  We all also understand generally what the person is talking about, and are there to listen to what this particular person has to say about it, that is probably why most people are in attendance.  If you already know what this person is saying, then maybe you don't need to be there annoying me while you fucking bob your head.  If it's in a more personal context, like if I was speaking to someone and they were nodding along, it would also be an issue.  You obviously don't know what it is I have to say or else I would not need to be telling you.  In fact, I pretty much don't want to say anything to you since I'm sure that I would already know if you are a nodder, so the least you can do is keep your dumb head still.

Uh oh, almost out of time, I'll do a quick love

Love: In gmail, when you go to delete spam in the spam folder, instead of just saying "Delete" the button is "Delete forever."  Hilarious.  Little does gmail know that I love saying forever at the end of all statements, but I think even if I didn't I would still very much enjoy that button.

And off to bed, g night all.

Love,
theGrump

All of the People

I'm on vacation in my favorite place so I'm not really feeling taking a lot of time to explain.  In my mind it's pretty much self-explanitory.

Hate: Dakota Fanning.

Love: Will Smith.  I love him so much that I can overlook the fact that he's a Scientologist.  THAT much.

LOVE,
theGrump

Slow Down

Hatred: Running in public.  Even worse, with a backpack.  Unless it is really THAT serious, you need to calm down.  In college there were buses to get around and people were constantly sprinting for buses.  There will be another bus in maximum 7 minutes.  You can be 5 minutes late to class if it spares you from looking like such an idiot.  If you find that you need to run for the bus or train or whatever often, you need to leave earlier.

Love: Popcorn. It's pretty much the best snack.  It's good both salty and sweet, and it's just so delicious and fun.  The best part of popcorn are the half popped kernels at the bottom of the bag, so crunchy.  Love it.  I had popcorn for lunch today and I was very happy about it.

 

Drizzie as a Bizzie

Oh hey darlings, I was late on my last post so ima be madddddd early on this one.  Ok, back on track.

Hate: People who eat bananas in public.  Let me just put this out there, I don't dislike bananas.  But there are a few reasons why it should not be a publicly displayed snack.  Reason number one is that the smell of the banana is too overwhelming, a little strange and it's not like its over quickly.  It's not a bad smell, at least to me, but when I'm on the subway or bus or at a lecture, or X location I can't leave quickly, I don't (and I'm sure many others don't) want to smell you from 10 feet away from the second you peel your dumb banana until you finish and maybe after.  Even then, the disposal of the peel is going to pose a problem because it decomposes so quickly and the smell just gets stronger.  At least wait for an occasion where the people around you can do something more than stare, waiting until you to take your last bite of your poorly chosen snack.  The next reason is because bananas make SUCH a gross noise while you're eating them.  There's no avoiding it, everyone sounds THE worst while they chew a banana.  It's not a noise I can deal with.  I can't even write any more about it.  You all know what I'm talking about.

I feel like I need to shower now.  However there might be time to...

LOVE: Forts.  I am a 5 year old at heart because apparently I just want to craft in my fort forever, and maybe watch some snick circa 1992.  I wish it were socially acceptable as a twenty-something to suggest building a fort when hanging out for a night in, or maybe to just live in a fort all the time, so every night in is in a fort and I don't have to ask shit.  Forts are just one of those things that can only be an improvement to a plan.  I mean, compare these two statements, "Hey, let's play a rousing game of Parcheesi," and "Hey, let's build a fort and then play a rousing game of Parcheesi!!"  How about these, "I really want to watch the new episode of Pitt Boss tonight," and "Let's build a fort and watch the new episode of Pitt Boss in it tonight!" I think we all know the obvious winners, and what would be the obvious winners if I proceeded.  I'm glad I have shown you the light, and I hope from now on there will be more forts in this world.

Lovee,
theGrump

Doing Funky Ass Shit Like Every Single Day

I missed my first day!  I didn’t have internet all day because we were at my cousins motorcycle race all day then drove straight to Michigan from there.  And now it’s 8:30 AM.  I wrote my little hate/love in the car so I hope you like ittt.

Hate: The words moist, goiter, ointment, supper, supple, dollop (and therefore DESPISE that Daisy sour cream commercial), pussy, chillax, ‘nuff (as in “’nuff said”), and hella.  All so terrible.  There are differences in the hatred though…moist, goiter, ointment and pussy are all of a more of a cringing “EWWWW I did not like that never ever use that word ever!!” kind of hate, where as the others are more of a “Really?  That’s going to be your word choice?  Well fine, but just know that I hate you.”  The word hate all began with moist.  I know a lot of people also hate it, but I’ve found that a lot of it is the “oi” combination.  The worst combo.  I don’t know where the supper came from, but extreme dislike.  Dollop came from that commercial that I hate.  I don’t think before Daisy sour cream I could decipher the hate because it’s usually just said once in passing, and usually by Martha Stewart or on the Food Network, both of which I love, but that commercial was too much.  The first time I saw it, it was like “oh no…stop that…stop saying that!!!”  Supple was realized in high school in AP History when a group of us were trading essays and Obed Obwoge used the word supple in his essay about Abraham Lincoln.  I was shocked and appalled, clearly since I still remember and still hate it.  Chillax, hella and ‘nuff said are just the worst slang terms ever.  They are a dead giveaway of how fucking lame you must be.  Enough said.

Love:  Stealing.  Oh man, this is about to sound real bad.  Not just stealing all the time, I mean specifically stealing while I’m intoxicated and from people I dislike. This all began my freshman year of college when I was forced to go party hopping on frat row by a few of my friends.  Frats aren’t really my deal.  Usually when I’m somewhere I don’t want to be I’m grumpy and like “Oh yea? Well, fuck you guys, guess what?  Now you get to take care of me while I forget this experience,” Apparently while blacked out and grumpy, I comforted myself by taking tons of random things from all the frats.  I don’t know how I was getting around carrying so much stuff without anyone stopping me, but I woke up with a fire detector and extinguisher, a full bottle of vodka, a couple shot glasses, one of the frats paddles (which apparently is a big deal, my b) and various other household items.  This amused me, so from there I just started stealing random stuff from people who really suck.  Nothing ever really serious or that would affect anyone else, but enough to make me laugh and maybe piss them off.  So be careful people I hate, I hope your stuff is nailed down. 

Oh jeez, I feel bad about how terrible that is, but why lie to myself?  I’m probably still going to do it.  Just don’t be a terrible person and you’ve got nothing to worry about.

And that is the end.

LOVE, 

theGrump

Food

Hate: Raw tomatoes.  So gross.  Just the texture of the inside is enough to make me gag.  I've heard it called tomato caviar before, I think on Iron Chef, and I wanted to kill someone.  If someone served me that I would punch them.  Then the taste, I just...don't know, gagging.  Trust me, I wish I liked tomatoes.  My life as a vegetarian would be SO much easier if I just liked them.  I've attempted to just make myself, but I cannot.  Ewww.  I also hate that when they're in something, like a salad, or on something, like a sandwich, it's no use just taking them off because their dumb nasty juice just penetrates the whole thing!  And finally, I hate when it comes up that I hate tomatoes and people ask if I hate other tomato products.  Tomato sauce, ketchup (<3), even salsa, do not taste anything like a raw tomato.  Those tomatoes are cooked, albeit in salsa it's only by the acids in the salsa, but still.  Maybe this is why you like tomatoes, because your sense of taste sucks.

Love: Asian food.  I know, very general, but there are just so many good types of asian food I can't pick just one.  I cannot express how upset I am that I am not asian and didn't just grow up eating delicious asian food every day without it being weird.  93% of asian countries have better food than any other country, even though some dumb countries (cough cough Italy) think their stupid food is better.  False.  Asians know what is up.

Looove,
theGrump

Leisure Time

For the sake of cogency, I need to love first in this particular post.

Love: Crafts and games.  There is no better way to spend your free time, as well as party time, than making things slash playing things.  My one wish would be to just be able to color, paint, sew, make jewelry and bedazzle everything in sight all. goddamn. day.  And as for party time, it only enhances the experience.  It does get a little harder and maybe potentially more dangerous to craft I admit, but it's still the greatest.  Why do you think all artists are total drug addicts (excuse me for the generalization, but stop kidding yourselves guys)??  Not because they're all tortured souls, because it is fucking awesomely fun.  Also, what party is not made 1000x better by an awesome Beer Pong tournament, Kings Cup game, Jenga, Pretty Pretty Princess or what have you?  I really hope someone has Pretty Pretty Princess the next time we go out because I would love it... I hope I don't get the black ring.

On that note...

Hate: People who suck at crafts and games.  Those two things are specifically meant for our amusement.  In other words...you suck at having fun.  Good job.  Really the reason I hate it is because when I want to do these things, these people will be the ones who are like, "No, I don't want to play Hungry Hungry Hippos, I just wanna dance."  No one wants to dance.  Everyone wants to have a Hungry Hungry Hippos tournament.  It is even worse when English people (a few other people but mostly English people have said this to me) say something along the lines of "What's with beer pong and all of these games, we don't need games, we just drink."  Shut the fuck up.  You're just jealous because you and your friends don't have as much fun as me and my friends, because as I've already stated before, crafts and games only make everything better.

The end

LOVE,
theGrump

Listen Up Boys...

Hate: Spit. Spit is so disgusting that I actually have a physical gagging reaction when someone spits near me, is speaking and it sounds like they have a lot of spit in their mouth, or i can see that little bit of spit on the corners of their mouths.  Spitting is never ok unless you are totally alone, and if you find that for some reason while you talk a lot of spit accumulates in your mouth then...well firstly never EVER approach me and secondly get that ish under control because no one wants to hear your spit fighting its way out of your mouth with every word.  Also, there is nothing that makes me want to puke more than the sound of someone "hawking a loogie."  By the by, I just googled that term to see how I might spell it and I gagged the entire time I scrolled down.  Admittedly, there are times when you just have to spit and there is no way of doing it privately.  Even though I understand that it does happen, it's still unacceptable and if I'm there I'm still going to express my disapproval.  So don't get all pissy like "I can't help it," because I don't give a shit.  I even think its disgusting when I spit.  This hate has even spurred a phobia of sending food back at restaurants for fear that the new food will have spit in it, which is sometimes sad and leaves me hungry.

Now that I am sufficiently repulsed...Love!

Love: Steins. I don't care that I can't drink beer, I love steins.  After buying my first wonderful stein, RIP Ludwig, at Buckley flea market in Michigan, I have decided that this is my favorite vessel for intoxication.  I don't know why it makes drinking so much more fun, but it definitely does.  So, obviously I named all of my steins beginning with  Ludwig, then Heinz whose life was pretty short lived because he broke, and my current jewel Pieterszoon, named after my Dutch pirate ancestor because he has ships on him. I'll show you the joy brought to us by steins in a poorly made photo essay...

 

Aw, look how much fun we're having together.  And that is why I love steins.  Did I mention they keep spit out of your drink?

Love,
theGrump

Day 2 Ohhhh Yeahhh

I think the rest of the hates will be in no particular order from now on, although this one is pretty bad.  Now that I think about it, all of them are pretty bad.

Hate: Incorrect usage of there, their, they're, your, you're, then, than. Really?  Pleaseee.  It is so embarrassing for both of us (although you may not have known until now) when you obviously don't know which to use, or that you just don't know the other forms exist.  On a day to day basis, I generally converse with people who are at least in college.  How do they not know??  It's baffling and it makes me think you're (a contraction for "you are") an idiot.  If you are using these incorrectly, believe me, everyone hates you for it and at the very least you need to look at this- http://theoatmeal.com/comics/misspelling.  

For some people, just reading it isn't enough and you need to buy that poster.  Seriously.  While you're at it, fix the rest of the mistakes highlighted on that page since you're probably having trouble with that grammar as well.  Once you think you've got it down, here are some worksheets and quizzes for you to practice on-

http://englishforeveryone.org/PDFs/Their,%20there,%20and%20they're.pdf

http://www.english-zone.com/teach/your1.html

http://worksheetplace.com/mf/then-vs-than-1.pdf

Notice the bright colors and illustrations?  These were meant for 3rd graders.  Get your shit together.

Whew! That was a little longwinded.  I got a little riled up there.  Now I need to love.

Love: Songs that promote clapping.  I just love to clap along.  Every song should have a small break dedicated to the audience clapping.  A good example would be in "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" by The Darkness, that is a fabulous clapping song.  Maybe it's because I'm the whitest, who knows, but I can't get enough.


Hahaha, the love is kind of lost in a sea of that long ass hate, but it's important all the same!

LOVE,

-theGrump

The All Time #1

Let's kick start this blog off right with my biggest hate:


Fat people with skinny legs.  I know it's mean, chill.  I truly cannot help myself.  It is THE worst.  I especially hate the girls because they can hide their fatness so easily with all this billowy shirt business.  But I know that they're just using their skinny appendages to make fools of us.  Ew.


On a lighter note!  Maybe not my all time biggest love, but trust it is right up there:


Ketchup.  Ketchup is the greatest condiment ever.  It is so fucking delicious.  I'm not one of those people who puts ketchup on inappropriate things, like spaghetti or something, but I enjoy it thoroughly on the correct treats.  Quite often I decide what to eat for a meal based on whether I can have ketchup with it because it is unquestionably THAT good.  In fact, I am hungry and after I finish this I am going to make eggs and eat them with what some might say is a gross amount of ketchup.


LOVE,
theGrump