Yet Another Bathroom Hate

I have a lot of bathroom rules apparently...
Hate: When people put soap on their hands before getting them wet when they wash their hands.  Wrong.  Number one, that feels disgusting.  Why would a person do that when you could so easily get your hands wet first?  Number two, the soap isn't going to lather if there is no water involved, so way to go with that.  And just in case you need a number three, the signs in the bathrooms that tell you how to wash your hands all say to get your hands wet first.  FOLLOW DIRECTIONS!!  You are doing it wrong and it is bothering me.  A lot of things bother me in the bathroom without you being an idiot, so do it right.  Just in case you think I'm wrong, I have no problem giving you a few examples:
http://www.dubuque.k12.ia.us/Prescott/Handwash/
http://www.myoptumhealth.com/portal/Information/item/Fight+Germs,+Wash+Your+Hands?archiveChannel=Home%2FArticle&clicked=true
http://www.inspq.qc.ca/pdf/publications/586-Affichette-TechniqueLavageDesMains-En.pdf
http://www.ehow.com/video_12779_wash-hands.html
I think you get the point.  Also some of these are pretty hilarious.  The last one is a movie.

Love: Crossword puzzles.  They make you smart and they're fun.  How could it get better?  We went to a new coffee shop today and there was a communal crossword and it made me so happy.  I need to start buying the newspaper.

Fundamentals

So I'm in the coffee shop for my daily internet binge and, TMI, but I just peed and it reminded me of this hate.

Hate:  When the toilet paper is the wrong way.  If for some reason you don't know which way is the wrong way...UNDERHAND IS CLEARLY THE WRONG WAY.  Even though I don't see how there can be a debate about it, when those commercials came out recently I was actually happy to see that I was not the only person in the universe that cared about this.  I will actually change the direction of the toilet paper if it isn't right.  I don't care if I'm in someone else's house or in a public place or whatever.  I do not want to pull that tp off the roll unless it's overhand.  The only times where I will do it are the times in public places where I physically cannot change it to overhand unless I've brought my own screwdriver or lock picking kit.  Unfortunately, I have never had these things handy when needed.  Also, if I'm in someone's house I do not care if they prefer underhand.  In my mind, it's not a preference, that is just the way it must be.  Over.  So get over it.

Love: Forks.  Not spoons or knives.  Just forks.  Don't get me wrong, I don't hate spoons and knives, I just love forks.  I don't have a very good reason for this, I can't explain my love, but I eat anything I can with a fork, even things that other...normal...people might eat with a spoon.  Ice cream, yogurt (on those rare occasions I eat yogurt), I don't know, I can't think of many examples, but you get the idea, I love my forks.

LOVE,
theGrump

PS, Tucker is the first of my unnecessary voicemail side hates.  Left me a voicemail at 7 AM.  I saw you called.  I even woke up when you called.  But I'm not going to answer my fucking phone at 7 AM, I'll call you when I wake up.

The Theater

So you may not have heard about this hate, but this is my blog so I don't care.  I can do whatever the fuck I want.

Hate: The episode 5-9 of House.  I love House, both the show and the character.  People hate on it because it's "the same episode over and over."  So the fuck what?  Pretty much every tv show is like that so get the crap over it.  Anyway, on to hating.  Cuddy is THE WORST character of the show...of ANY show (except maybe Deb from Dexter).  It is appalling that they would dedicate an hour of television to her.  And I, like a fool, watched the entire episode thinking there would be something more than just the run down of Cuddy's day to day.  Nope.  TERRIBLE!  That aside, no one is even sick.  Like maybe if there was some suspense about someone about to die, or better yet dying because of something Cuddy did that was idiotic because she is always wrong about everything it could have been at least watchable.  GOD I was so pissed after that episode ended.  The only reason they tried to make House like her was because they felt bad for what an moron Cuddy's character is, and they were like well, maybe people will like her if House does.  No.  Hate.

Love:  Newsies.  My favorite movie of all time.  I could watch it day and night and sing and watch Christian Bale have a terrible New York accent and him and his little buddies dance their little hearts out forever and ever.  So, so amazing.  Upsetting fact of the day...I don't own it on DVD so feel free to give it to meee.

<3

theGrump  

Hate: Things with butterflies on them.  This includes humans.  I realize it sounds terrible to hate butterflies. I mean, it's a butterfly, it's pretty and helpful in pollination.  But I just hate it.  And, as is true for most of my hates, if you own or are wearing something with a butterfly on it, or GOD FORBID have a butterfly tattoo, I must hate you on principle.  One of these days I'm going to meet someone who collects butterfly things and just involuntarily punch them in the face.

Love: Ridiculously hot showers.  Like scalding.  Painful to any other human kind of hot.

Love,
theGrump

Makin a Scene

Hate: Bad table manners.  I cannot stand eating with people who have bad table manners.  It is disgusting.  My mom was dinner time nazi and apparently really drilled those rules in though, because I hatee it and everyone that doesn't know a few simple rules.  Chewing with your mouth open, holding your fork wrong, cutting your food wrong.  GOD it's grossing me out thinking about it.  If my first impression of you is bad manners I promise I will hate you forever.  I went backpacking for like 5 weeks with some friends and noticed the first day that one of them didn't know how to hold her utensils or cut food properly.  I didn't want to secretly hate her for the entire time, so I was like, listen up, you are going to learn how to do this RIGHT NOW.  I realize I'm kind of a bitch, I mean look at this blog, but really, you need to get your shit together.  How can someone over the age of like 10 not picked up the right way to eat?  It seems pretty simple...it's eating...yet SO many people are totally unaware.  If you ever eat near me pay attention because I'm not always nice enough to give a lesson rather than hate, generally I just silently hate hate hate until I destroy you.  

Love: Shoes.  They are clearly the best part of any outfit.  I have a stupid number of shoes.

LOOVEEEEE,
theGrump

Trendy Bitches

The past couple days my roommate and I have discovered some amazing thrift stores near out new apartment, so I figured I'd hate those people who don't utilize the amazingness.

Hate: People who spend a lot of money on clothes that are supposed to look like they came from a thrift store.  Go to a thrift store.  It's cheap and fun and has character, unlike the douchebaggy garb you paid a stupid amount of money for at Urban Outfitters.  It's not specifically that store, but it's a good example of what I mean.  It's just...who would EVER pay that much money for something that they could get for 95% less if they just spent a weekend thrifting??  I realize that I may be cheaper than the average human being, but even so, clothing just isn't something you need to spend a lot of money on to look "hip," especially not these days.  It's juuust ridiculous.  I hate you all.

Love: Animals.  I only say this because I'm so sad at my new apartment because I don't have any pets. No animals at all!!  I need to go get a fish or a hamster.  Animals are just all so cute, and even if they aren't cute, it makes them all that much more cute.  They also never do anything on my hate list.  I mean, how amazing is it to be an animal? They literally only have to think about eating, drinking and having sex.  We have to think about all kinds of dumb things.  I realize that humans are animals, so stop being such a smart ass.  I don't get it when people don't like them.  I miss Clancy and Dixie.  Anyway, that's what I love right now.  Animals.

Haha,
theGrump

Writing Utensils

I've had to sign things and write on official papers and whatnot lately, so I've decided to dedicate this entry to writing utensils.

Hate: Pens.  Writing with pens is the worst.  I don't know what happens in my brain when I put a pen in my hand, but apparently I can't handle it and my handwriting looks ridiculous.  My signature is absolutely stupid because you always have to sign in pen and I just can't do it.  The people who look at it probably think I have some sort of motor disorder.  Also, half of the time I can't even get any ink to come out because I don't write hard enough, so it's a mixture of my brain malfunctioning because I'm holding a pen and me pressing down as hard as I can that make me look like an idiot.  When someone gives me something I have to sign that has the carbon copies below it I get so mad.  Unless I am consciously really trying, I can't get my handwriting to penetrate the first sheet.  I really don't need writing my name to be such an event.  On that note, writing anything does not need to be such an event.  Just give me my...

Love: Mechanical pencils.  These are clearly the superior writing utensil.  You can erase and it fits so nicely in your hand, and you don't have to sharpen it, and if you run out of lead, which never happens anyway, you can just fill 'er up.

Love,
theGrump