Well, I Guess This is Growing Up

Hate: Taking more than one shower in one day.  Can't do it.  It's not even like I hate showering and avoid it at all costs, I just hate it when people take more than one in one day unless ABSOLUTELY necessary.  Meaning like a truck drives by you and sprays you with mud after you have already taken a shower.  Like if I know I'm going to work out later, I will not shower in the morning no matter how disgusting I am.   That's what hats are for.  I don't know why it bothers me so much.  I mean for me I won't do it because I hate having wet hair so shower = having to dry my hair which takes too long.  Also I can't take a shower and not wash my hair because that annoys me too.  Apparently I just have a lot of shower rules.  And since I don't like it, I think other people shouldn't like it.  Therefore, if you do it, you are stupid.  Maybe bad logic, but suck it, I do what I want.

Love:  The show "I Shouldn't be Alive" on Animal Planet/Discovery.  I may have already referenced it when I discussed how much I love TV reenactments, but there was a marathon today and it reminded me just how genius it is.  Seriously...those people shouldn't be alive.  That was not god testing you if that's what you think, that was him trying to kill you.  The show is a combination of awesomeness (which is a real word apparently, my spell check isn't saying it's spelled wrong), stupidity, excitement, sadness and reenactments.  How could it be better?  Today I watched one where a guy ended up eating his dog and I was SOBBING.  CAAAASHEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!  There was another where a guy was lost at sea for  fucking 3 months, and it might have been the greatest (most ridiculously hilarious) reenactment ever.  That guy was absurd and truly should not be alive.  No disrespect, I mean that guy is nuts and I'm not sure if anyone else in the universe could have lived, I'm just saying the reenactment was pretty funny.  Seriously, if you ever see it on, it is so worth it.

Woah, longer love than hate.  That's rare.  I was really excited about "I Shouldn't be Alive" earlier.

BYE,
theGrump

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Hate:  That elf in the movie Elf who says, "In a good way!"  He says this as they are discussing the things Buddy can do well in the elf community, and it is in reference to them saying Buddy brings the elf choir down a whole octave.  He is the worst.  It is the worst line in a movie, ever.  And I love Elf, so that's pretty hard for me to say.  It's so stupid, and just in general I hate when people chime in with crap like that just so they can be saying something.  We ALL really wish you would have just kept your fucking mouth shut.  I would kill that guy given the chance (too far?).  He's awful.

Love: Clementines.  Pretty much one of the best foods ever.  I think I could kick anyone's ass in a clementine eating contest, no problem.  I'm just constantly training.  I've had at least 6 today and its only 2 o'clock.  I'm really not kidding.  I'm probably going to eat another pretty soon.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
theGrump

You're Always Dressed to Kill

Since I shall be flying tomorrow, I thought of a good one...

Hate: People who wear obviously uncomfortable things on airplanes.  What is the point of this?  You know you aren't going anywhere important when you get wherever.  You're just going to your hotel or wherever to unpack and shower (because you're clearly the kind of person who would need to shower immediately just because you were on a plane).  Who are you trying to impress?  You know you hate your life right now.  My own mother is one of these people.  She seriously goes to the airport in a cardigan set and pearls and yells at me when I'm in sweats or leggings.  What the hell, madre?  All you're about to do is sit and possibly sleep in a horribly uncomfortable position for the next few hours.  It isn't that serious.  You might as well plan accordingly.  So, unfortunately, she is a part of the group that I judge (HATE) while people watching at my gate.  I'm glad you're about to be so uncomfortable for hours, and I hope we hit turbulence and you spill your diet coke all over you.

Love: Raising the roof.  The best dance (dance move?) ever.  Obviously the best way to express your appreciation for a song.  I mean really, whenever a musician plays a song, their most common request is for you to "put your hands up," because they know it, too.  If no one is raising the roof, no one likes you.  It really should be the USA's national dance.

<3,
theGrump

Carelessly Growing Up

Hate: Forced cursing.  It sounds SO stupid and awkward.  It makes me really angry when you can tell someone is only cursing to seem cool or something.  It makes me hate them a lot.  This is the prime reason why I absolutely despise Deb from Dexter.  She is the epitome of forced cursing and is the WORST.  I actually hate pretty much everyone on Dexter except Dexter.  But back to the point...forced cursing...not cool.  You sound like a fucking idiot.

Love: Soup.  It's so great in the right circumstances.  And in Seattle it is often a soup kind of day.  Best soup I've had recently was Thai pumpkin at some place on Elliott Bay.  I actually think it was called Elliott's Fish something or other...OH Elliott's Oyster House.  Check that puppy out.

LOVE,

theGrump

Shake Ya Ass, Shake Ya Ass

Sorry, I suck at this lately.  I'll try to think of a good one so I'll get good and angry...

Hate: THIS dress that is always on the show Say Yes to the Dress.

 WORST WEDDING DRESS EVER!!!!!  What the fuck is wrong with these people????  If you've never watched the show, obviously it's about brides to be trying to find their wedding dresses at Kleinfelds in NYC.  It is just horrific how popular this fucking dress is.  It makes me hate humanity that much more.  I mean...LOOK AT IT!  It's awful.  And not only are brides like "oh yea, this totally doesn't look like THE trashiest ever, this is a good use of thousands of dollars"  their families are like "yes, you look good, you should parade yourself around in this for an entire day while tons of people stare and photograph."  Seriously?  Some of these girls dads are there being like "oh yea, I'll spend money on this."  Perverted, much?  It is absolutely out of control.  This dress just screams, "I am the WORST."  The worst, I say.  I think I can pretty definitively say that I despise anyone who does not hate this dress as vehemently as I do.

Love: York Peppermint Patties.  Man.  It is one of the best candies ever.  I must say not as good as Cherry Republic Sour Cherries, but it is definitely a top sugar craving pick, and I have sugar cravings quite often.

:D
theGrump

I Wish They All Could Be California Girls

Hate: When people say bookbag or knapsack instead of backpack.  I don't have a lot of time here so I'll just get down to the point.  That is stupid and wrong.  You deserve to be on this blog.  Make better word choices, whore.

Love: JP Lees.  The greatest restaurant of all time, best owner of all time.  If you never went to JP Lees or met my love Charlie, well, your life will never be as good as mine, sooo...sorry about that.

Love,
theGrump

I Don't Want No Scrubs

Hate: People with normal names, but weird and unnecessary spelling.  Granted, it really isn't your fault that your parents gave you such an idiotic name, but really.  It was clearly just an excuse to piss everyone off that any of you ever meet.  So congratulations.  What could possibly be another point they're trying to get across?  That they're clever??  Nope.  Retarded.  When people say your name, obviously it's still going to sound exactly like everyone else with the normal spelling, but is just going to cause tons of annoying confusion when the spelling comes into play.  This gives way to a few problems.  No one is going to be able to pronounce it correctly when reading, because they'll think along with the dumb spelling will come a dumb pronunciation.  No one is going to be able to spell it correctly because why would anyone ever think to spell it another way than the normal way except your fucking "alternative" parents?  The worst part of this whole fiasco, however, is that someone with a name such as what I have described does not understand why I hate them.  They get all pissed when someone mispronounces/misspells their name.  So this goes out to you: You are not special.  No one gives a shit that your name is spelled like a dbag so calm down when people say/spell it wrong.  PS your parents clearly hate you.

Love:  Superlatives.  Saying things are the best or the worst or the anything-est is THE best.  The funniest, the cutest, the funnest, the dumbest, the shiniest, the biggest, the smallest.  I think you get it.

<3
theGrump

You Better Do Better

Hate: Manicures.  I don't see the appeal.  I hate having my finger nails painted anyway, I'm not sure why but it bothers me so much.  That aside, it is just so uncomfortable.  There is no way people think that feels good.  When they push down your cuticles and cut em up and "massage" it sucks!!  I do not like that.  The all time worst thing in the universe though is when they pull on your fingers.  Holy shit.  There may not be a worse feeling.  Right now my knuckles are hurting just thinking about it.  I hate the sound of cracking things anyway, I'm pretty sure I've written about it before, but I kind of get that it feels good.  When they pull on your fingers it makes me feel like I have huge air bubbles in my knuckles and like I need to crack all of my fingers and I don't do that so there is no alleviating the discomfort.  IT'S AWFUL!  Who told them this felt good?!!?!!?  I think they're fucking with us, because as I've already stated...IT'S THE WORST.  Seriously, if you could see my agony just writing about this right now you would understand.

Love: Hilarious pet names.  You can tell a lot about a person by the names they give their animals.  Normal human name=lame owner is the general rule, there are other names that are terrible and normal names that are ok, but just generally that's how I feel.  Here are some good names of pets that I know...Pants the dog, Sandwich the dog, Clancy the chinchilla, Nugget the dog, Chamberlin the cat, Pooter the hamster, Pork Roll the cat, Mr President the dog, Daddy the dog and I can't think of anymore.  So think hard whilst naming because it says a lot about you.  And I'm judging you.

<3
theGrump

Now's as Bad a Time as Any

I have not been being good about my hating recently.

Hate: People who backdoor brag/fish for compliments.  If you're proud of something you did, it's fine.  But if it was really all that great, people would already acknowledge it.  You should not have to say anything about it to bring attention to yourself.  It's the general lack of humble-ness that really bothers me.  Not to mention, you aren't being slick.  It's not like people don't know you are bragging about yourself or that you want them to compliment you about something.  There have been many occasions where someone has wanted me to compliment them on something and I just refuse because it annoyed me so much that they had to call attention to themselves so ridiculously.  Then there is a moment of awkwardness where they are waiting for me to say something and I just stare at them.  It's actually not awkward at all.  It's pretty hilarious because I'm not sure they know that I am doing this on purpose.  As for the backdoor bragging, if I EVER say "wow" to you in conversation, it does not mean I'm impressed with whatever you are talking about, it means you are bragging so much that I am about to punch you and I want you to shut the f up.  Seriously.  I want to stab your swelling ego with a pitchfork.

Love: Stache Bash.  Well every Stache Bash up to 2010, which was absolutely atrocious.  It's a party thrown generally by people associated with the Rutgers ultimate frisbee team and is the best party ever.  Guys have to grow a mustache, and if no mustache is grown, an epic one will be drawn on with permanent marker.  No beards either.  Someone mans the door at all times with permanent markers and razor in hand.  Unfortunately, Stache Bash will never be the same now that the Rutgers men's ultimate frisbee team think they're a frat instead of a bunch of nerds who play frisbee, but I am at least happy to have gone to the ridiculously epic Stache Bash's of the past and hosted an amazing one myself.

Love,
theGrump