Mi Nina Bonita

OHHHHHH do I have a hate for you.  Normally I write about little funny things that bother me because it's like oh haha yea that's annoying.  Today I come to you as I am sleeping in the Bogota airport for the second fucking time this week with fury burning inside.

Hate:  AIRES AIRLINES.  Fuck you all.  I have never had more problems with any airline or combination of airlines in my entire life.  You are THE worst at doing your job.  I have been in Colombia for a week.  A single week.  I have taken 2 Aires flights and both have just ended up being completely ridiculous.  First, we'll go back to where it all began, flying from Bogota to Medellin at 11 on Sunday night.  I was with a friend, all was well, we were very excited to go to Medellin and get to our hostel and do some fun stuff.  (Hate within a hate, snoring in public.  Dear fucking Colombian next to me if you KNOW you snore, do not fall asleep in public.  I hope you have sleep apnea and suffocate.  I will not save you.)  So we get on our flight and take a little napski and almost an hour later we're waking up and they're talking over the intercom.  It's really hard to understand spanish over an intercom when it's been years since you spoke it, but my friend at least is pretty fluent and she was like I thought I heard him say we're going back to Bogota.  I was skeptical because the announcement didn't sound at all urgent and no one around us seemed at all upset so we decided that it was an "if" situation and we would probably still land in Medellin.  There were no more announcements so we were like eh alright.  We awake again and its been 2 hours and they are announcing that we're landing in Bogota.  Ok Aires.  I can deal.  I'll even say that they handled it well getting us  on flights the next day and sleeping arrangements and food and stuff.  My friend and I end up getting a free domestic flight for offering to change our flights in the morning from 6 to 7:30.  Awesome.  So we're sleeping on the floor at the gate, it's almost time for our flight, but the 6 o'clock flight hasn't taken off because the Medellin airport is still closed.  The airline, however, is not telling the passengers the Medellin airport is closed.  They even board the flight, as we're getting on we're like oh so the airport is open?  And they're like we haven't gotten word but we're going to board anyway.  One time flying to Medellin and back with some pluses is funny, twice is just ridiculous.  Also you haven't gotten word?? You are 2 airports an hour flight away from each other and we are in the 21st century call ANYONE at ANY TIME and see if it's open.  So they board the flight and 99% of the passengers still have no idea that the Medellin airport isn't open.  We end up leaving a little late and getting there and it's fine, but Aires, that was risky business.  So I want to spend as much time out and about in Colombia as possible so I use my free flight with Aires to get a flight from Pereira to Bogota so I get there like 3.5 hours before my red eye flight home.  There was also drama getting the free flight, I'll just say I know the customer service number by heart, in case you want to call and bother them and tell them they suck it's 018000949490.  That's the number in Colombia, it probably won't work in the states but hey it was worth a shot.  I wonder if I'll get in trouble for that...  So I finally get my flight and get to the little Pereira airport with 3 terminals with every flight going to Bogota.  Of course my flight gets delayed until 11:30, making me miss my red eye home.  Awesome.  So basically I don't know what to do.  They won't even attempt to get me on one of the other flights (aka every flight) to Bogota with another company and I'd lose my free flight.  My friend is still in Pereira but I don't know where and can't call, I could stay in Pereira and spend the night figuring out what to do but I'd lose the free flight and would eventually have to fly to Bogota to get home anyway.  I could take the flight but then be stuck and sleeping alone in the Bogota airport because the airport is far away from the city and I'd have to be there early to figure out how I'm getting home anyway.  How often can things go wrong with an airline?  Seriously??  Right now they're at 100% which is impressive.  So I decide to take the flight and figure it out in Bogota, I'm going into the waiting room for my flight and the girl there says my bag that I have never had to check in my life is too big.  In all seriousness I didn't want to check it because I was so sure they were going to lose it in that short trip from terminal to plane because clearly none of them know what the fuck they're doing.  So I have to check the bag, meanwhile when I sit down on the plane two people around me can't get their fucking rolly carry ons into the overhead compartment.  You know whose suitcase would have fit??  Fucking. Mine.  So here I am.  Sitting alone in the Bogota airport at 2:30 AM.  Writing this blog.  There are 3 old Colombian men staring at me from all directions and one snoring his life away behind me and two security guards listening to terrible Spanish music loud as hell from a hand held radio to my left.  Don't you guys have something better to be doing?  Did I mention that I also might have to pay for my flight home?  So thanks Aires, I really love being in this situation right now.  I mean, of course I'm happy to pull another all nighter this week because of you.  Great.  Let's hope I can stay awake so my shit doesn't get stolen tonightt.

-_-  (I have never used that emoticon before but I felt it was fitting in this situation.)

theGrump

Keepin' it Real

As today was the first fall like day of Seattle and I played some frisbee, I was reminded of this hate that I will soon be encountering a lot due to the weather...

Hate: Half turtlenecks.  We all know how I feel about things touching my neck so half turtlenecks are just the worst of the worst.  It just SITS right on the most uncomfortable part of your neck...ALL THE TIME!  I refuse to believe that is in any way comfortable, not to mention you look like a fucking idiot.  I don't care about the fraction of a degree it warms your body, you look retarded.  If you really need to protect your neck THAT much from a cold breeze, you need to go all out and get like a face and neck warmer or something. And if it isn't cold enough for that...it's too warm for the half turtleneck.  In fact, there is never an appropriate temperature for the half turtleneck.  No excuses.  I will say that a half turtleneck in an under armour-like material is MARGINALLY more acceptable than a jersey one.  The jersey half turtleneck is a dead giveaway of your nerdity.  In all seriousness I wouldn't talk to you.  Under armour is practically a necessity for playing sports when it's cold and it's almost hard to find ones that don't have the half turtleneck, but I mean...look harder bitches.  It's that important.  I will admit that I have one fake under armour that I got on sale at Target that is a half turtle neck, but since I don't even understand how you can wear something around your neck like that...I cut a slit so it's hardly a half turtleneck anymore.  In case it wasn't clear to you before, now you know half turtlenecks are in no way ok.  Ever.

Love: Mariah Carey's Christmas album...embarrassing...

Peace dudes,

theGrump

Go Too Far, Live Too Long

I can't hate about what I want to hate about because I fear I will be dubbed a terrorist and taken away in the middle of the night and that would scare my roommate so this will have to suffice...

Hate: Bread and butter pickles.  First of all, sweet pickles are fucking disgusting.  They are just embarrassing in comparison to dill pickles and I hate anyone who might think otherwise because they are obviously an idiot.  Secondly, I hate that they are called bread and butter pickles.  That makes no sense.  I also just hate the phrase bread and butter unless you are literally talking about bread and butter.  I realized this after Harry Potter says it in the 5th movie and I was so annoyed.

Love: Fall, as in the season (although I also like when people fall).  It is by far the best season.

Love,

theGrump

There's a Moment You Know You're Fucked

I think people are probably pretty used to my super specific hates by now...

Hate: In movies and on TV when people are flipping through magazines they are always flipping backwards.  What the hell, people?  It's not like there is no content in there.  Why are you even looking at the magazine if you aren't interested in reading it correctly??  Would you do that if you were holding a book??  It's still written just like everything else, you start at the cover buddy.  I mean I know you don't necessarily have to read the articles in order or look at pictures in a particular order, but it still is annoying as hell.  Also you're generally reading a magazine to kill time, like waiting for an appointment or on the beach or whatever, if you really want to waste time, go through the pages like a normal human being and maybe read an article or two.  Get into character, bitch.  Even if you're just pretending to read it, no one is buying it if you're going backwards.  Be better at your fucking job.

Love: Ke$ha.  She's a dang genius.  I wish I could just be drunk and say stupid shit all the time and be rich as hell for it.  Going to her show tomorrow with the roomie, not at all ashamed.  Going to be a hot mess covered in glitter wearing my wolf shirt and sparkle skirt and could not be happier about it.  She just makes me want to dance and go crazy so everyone better get the f out of my way.

LOVE

theGrump

Time of Death Undetermined

My elbow hurts so this is a one/left handed hate so this needs to be short...

Hate: In this Pediasure commercial http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rM7Vfe0UJ-E, the way the little girl  says "I'm going outside to play."  She is the worst.  Who let that happen.

No love, this is hard.

Bye cuties

theGrump

Who's Gonna Save the World Tonight

This is dedicated to de Whip.

Hate: When people eat all but one little bite of something.  WHAT are you leaving that stupid bite there for?  SO many people do this and there is no way in hell that that many people are truthfully too full to take that one last dumb bite so often.  You ate that whole fucking thing, just eat the damn bite.  Might I add, it's totally acceptable to leave more than one bite, it's just the one that makes me want to choke you.  I KNOW you didn't just get full, either you needed to stop a couple of bites ago or you just need to finish the job and stop being a pussy.  And you know I'm worked up when I use the word pussy because I hate it.  One incident stands out in my mind.  When I was like 9, my girl scout troop was going to Sesame Place (aka the only reason I joined, I quit promptly after).  In the car on the way we were eating bagels.  Vanessa was sitting next to me and was about to finish her bagel, but as she was about to put the TINIEST last bite into her mouth she was like "I can't finish this" and threw it back into the bag.  ...YES YOU CAN YOU JUST ATE THAT WHOLE BAGEL THERE IS NO WAY THAT .05 OUNCE PIECE OF BAGEL IS THE LAST STRAW.  So yea, basically I know you can finish it.  I hate you.

Love: Barnaby, my mustache monocle.  He is the greatest thing in the universe.  Nothing is better than him, so you can just give up anything that you think is awesome, because in comparison it sucks.

Barnaby makes everything better.

LOVE,

theGrump