Straight Clubbin

So this was decided last night whilst out on the town.

Hate: Going dancing.  Actually, I rather enjoy going dancing with my friends.  What I really hate is the boys one comes across when dancing.  That may make me sound like a big lesbian, but I just want to dance with girls.  No offense dudes, but almost all guys have no rhythm.  It's sad because the way people dance these days, you pretty much have to do nothing except sway.  It's not so difficult.  Seriously, you don't even have to move your appendages at all.  Bad dancing aside, dancing is juuust awkward.  Do guys really think I want a stranger to suddenly dry hump me in a dark sweaty club?  Nope...no I do not.  I should turn around and mace your ass.  Well not your ass.  Your face...specifically your eyeballs.  What ever happened to the good ol' twist.  Maybe a little jive.  If it's just me, so be it.  But I'm throwing it out there anyway.

Love: 30 Rock.  Tina Fey is a genius.  So now I will just write a string of awesome quotes.  I'm buying all the hot dogs.  Live every week like it's shark week.  Lemon out.  (Windmill highfive).  As my good friend, and fellow foxhunter, Mary J Blige once said, "No more drama."  Keep your friends close, and your enemies so close you're almost kissing.  Where are the fries I did not ask for?  You need to anticipate me!  Did he just say the word pumpkin to me?  My muffin top is all that, whole grain low fat.  Spooky, scary werewolf bar mitzvah.  It's like an owl without a graduation cap, heartbreaking.  You know what I always say...BLACK LIGHT ATTACK.  Nerds.  Just be normal sauce for like 5 minutes.  Ya burnt.  Well cotton and fiddles, I like your smile!  There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party cause a Liz Lemon party is MANDATORY.  Who are the biggest gossips on TGS? Grizz and Dot Com!!  I love it so much I'm gonna take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant!  Like a dog in a sidecar when it comes loose from the motorcycle.  Workin' on my night cheese.  Put the mimosa down, bitch!  She's a good actor, I bought those pajamaralls.  Do you want to yell at the moon with Buzz Aldrin?  Mmmm hugging...so ethnic.  I want to go to there.  Randy's GAY everyone.  He's gay.

That was such a tease.  I need to watch.

LOVE,
theGrump

POPCORN CRAVING

Hate: Toe walkers.  You know.  Those people who practically skip around because they walk on the balls of their feet.  It's not ok.  Walk normally.  I don't understand, don't you see another human being and immediately think, "Oh, I'm doing this wrong.  No one else is walking like an idiot..."

Ehh, that's about as much hate as I can muster at the moment.  And it's hard to type with my dumb finger.

Love: Naming things.  I really appreciate a good name, probably because my name is so dumb.  Really.  It's for nuns.  I like everything to have a name and I like it to be a hilariously awesome name.  There are a few types of names that are preferable to others, one of which is a name of the same ethnicity of what I think that object would be if it were a person.  Another type of name that I approve of is a name that is a clever play on words.  For example a cat named cat benetar or chairman meow.  And lastly, I like names that are either a different animal or some random object, kind of like celebrity children.  My brother is very good at naming.  Props to JT.

LOVE,
theGrump

Hate on Me

Who doesn't love a little self loathing?

Hate:  My UNBELIEVABLE accident prone-ness.  I wouldn't mind it so much if I hurt myself doing cool things, but I always hurt myself doing absolutely nothing.  I mean nothing.  In 2nd grade I broke all the toes on my right foot lining up for a field trip to the police station by my teachers desk falling on my foot.  Yep.  I tried to pretend like I was fine because I wanted to be able to collect all the cop cards (a DARE thing, don't ask).  The first time I broke my foot, I was WALKING to my next door neighbors house.  Since then I have broken it walking in the mall, watching an ultimate frisbee game (yes, watching), and in a soccer game AND an ultimate frisbee game (those are as exciting as it gets).  I broke 2 ribs falling out of bed my freshman year of college.   A bunch of other silly breaks, sprains and ER trips blah blah blah, and now I have been at my new place for 2 weeks to the day, and I have already broken my finger playing in a friendly game of goaltimate (a frisbee game) with my new team out here.  What. The. Fuck.  I must just have brittle bone syndrome.  Because if not this is just ridiculous.  Jesus, my body is not meant to do ANYTHING.

Love: Bonfires.  Both the smell and the event.  They are the perfect nighttime activity.  It's really amazing how the fire is so mesmerizing, because it's much less fun sitting in a circle doing nothing when the fire isn't there.  And don't even get me started on the smell.  I need to bottle it, or someone does at least, for realllll.  It is always the best to wake up and have your hair and clothes smell like one.  Nothing makes me more happy.  I won't wash my clothes until it would be disgusting not to do so after, I mean who would ever want to get rid of that stench?? Toooooooo goooooood.

<3
theGrump

Fake Lives

Hate: Laguna Beach and everyone and everything that has ever stemmed from it.  Shows based on it, everything.  It makes me a little sad, but more outrageously angry, that anyone could think that these people's lives are remotely real or entertaining and therefore worth a little bit of their time.  It is unbelievable that their ridiculous, fake drama filled lives are aired, and they subsequently get good things out of it.  People should throw rotten food at them in the streets after watching their show, not buy their fake line of clothing or whatever they're doing now.  If anything good has come from it at all, it would be clips of how retardedly stupid they all are on The Soup.  I can understand watching something that is supposed to be serious knowing that it's soo dumb that you just laugh, I mean hello Wife Swap, but this is another level.  Not remotely amusing.  In fact, painful and infuriating.  I pretty much hate all "celebs" of reality tv.  I like my life more than yours...I truthfully hate you.  GRRRRRRR.

I don't know what prompted this hate.  But I guess I'm really mad about it.

Love: Tiny lighters.  They are so cute.  Sometimes I wish I smoked so I could buy them when I'm at the store.  Eeeee the cutestttt.

theGrump

Computers and That Ish

Hate: Technology.  It freaks me out.  I don't get it and I don't like it.  Computers are going to take over the world and I don't want to be a part of it.  This is going to be some Matrix shit.  I especially hate "smart" phones.  Do you really need to have the world wide web at your fingertips at all times?  God it annoys me.  I feel like it's making people soo stupid and not at all smart. Everyone depends on the internet for everything and no longer know how to interact with real human beings.  If it were up to me we'd all be amish.

Love: America's Funniest Home Videos, or as my roommate and I so affectionately call it, afv.  The best show.  Even though the funniest video never wins the grand prize, I still love it.  And here for your amusement is my all time favorite afv video, I very legitimately almost peed my pants when I saw this video.  Some people I show it to don't think it's as funny as me, but I think in order to really get the whole experience, you have to think to yourself "What is going through this llamas head right now?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0c2AwVaD4j8

Now I'm done with this, excuse me while I go churn some butter,
theGrump

Werk it Out

Hate: People who work out in non-workout clothing.  It puts me in a terrible mood when someone runs by in jean shorts.  Not a terrible mood really, I just hate that person severely.  It may be even worse when someone is at the gym in inappropriate attire.  You took the time to join the gym and subsequently go to the gym, you would think you would have at least one sporty outfit you could wear there.  In fact, I know you have one.  So put it on.  And if you're in a hurry, the gym has a locker room.  Utilize that shit.

Love: Rev Run.  God, he is amazing and his show is amazing.  Keep representin the Jerz.

Love ya,
theGrump

Yet Another Bathroom Hate

I have a lot of bathroom rules apparently...
Hate: When people put soap on their hands before getting them wet when they wash their hands.  Wrong.  Number one, that feels disgusting.  Why would a person do that when you could so easily get your hands wet first?  Number two, the soap isn't going to lather if there is no water involved, so way to go with that.  And just in case you need a number three, the signs in the bathrooms that tell you how to wash your hands all say to get your hands wet first.  FOLLOW DIRECTIONS!!  You are doing it wrong and it is bothering me.  A lot of things bother me in the bathroom without you being an idiot, so do it right.  Just in case you think I'm wrong, I have no problem giving you a few examples:
http://www.dubuque.k12.ia.us/Prescott/Handwash/
http://www.myoptumhealth.com/portal/Information/item/Fight+Germs,+Wash+Your+Hands?archiveChannel=Home%2FArticle&clicked=true
http://www.inspq.qc.ca/pdf/publications/586-Affichette-TechniqueLavageDesMains-En.pdf
http://www.ehow.com/video_12779_wash-hands.html
I think you get the point.  Also some of these are pretty hilarious.  The last one is a movie.

Love: Crossword puzzles.  They make you smart and they're fun.  How could it get better?  We went to a new coffee shop today and there was a communal crossword and it made me so happy.  I need to start buying the newspaper.