Hate: People who say "loves it". I want to hurt you in some way.
Love: Sunglasses. Have I said that before? If I have it doesn't matter because I love them so much they can take up many spots in my heart.
<3
theGrump
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
You'e an Artist, I'm a Silly Jerk
Hate: People who bite string cheese. STRING cheese. String. And as weird of a concept as string cheese is, I don't give a fuck, if you aren't going to string it, just buy some other shaped cheese for god's sake. String cheese doesn't even taste right when you bite it rather than string it. Probably because you're supposed to string. the. damn. cheese. You can tell a string cheese biter just by looking at them, they often are basically living symbols of everything I hate. If I gave my greatest enemy a string cheese, they would for sure bite it. Then ideally I would punch them in the face.
Love: Wine Library in Millburn, NJ. It is one of the greatest places on earth. They have a whole cheese section with TONS of free cheese samples. Often when I'm visiting NJ my brother and I go there for lunch and just dine on cheese until I think they're going to kick us out. Then they don't so we just eat more cheese until we kind of want to die. Then we buy alcohol. Good god Wine Library is heaven.
LOVE,
theGrump
Love: Wine Library in Millburn, NJ. It is one of the greatest places on earth. They have a whole cheese section with TONS of free cheese samples. Often when I'm visiting NJ my brother and I go there for lunch and just dine on cheese until I think they're going to kick us out. Then they don't so we just eat more cheese until we kind of want to die. Then we buy alcohol. Good god Wine Library is heaven.
LOVE,
theGrump
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
This is R E A L I T Y
As I am currently peeved, I shall grace you with a hate today. I hope you enjoy ittttt
Hate: Mike's Hard Lemonade. Luckily, I think even they are starting to realize what a horrible product they have. Nice try in the beginning trying to pawn it off to the ladies. Maybe some of them even went for it back in those days because, hey, lemonade is fucking delicious. Not this lemonade, girls. Obviously your devious plan has since backfired (shocker) most likely because people tasted it, although that probably wouldn't even be necessary. Even if you can get through one, drinking another is just out of the question. What is the point in drinking fucking Mike's Hard Lemonade if you aren't even going to be drunk. And now, your new commercials seem to be switching the audience to men. You know that commercial with the baseball players, the guy is distracted by the Mike's stand or something like that. Please, pleease Mike's Hard Lemonade company, tell me you didn't think this was in any way any man's alternative to beer when you first made it. Please tell me this is just your last ditch effort to save your retarded and disgusting product. I think for my own sanity I'll just believe that in my heart.
Love: Ellen DeGeneres. She is hilarious, and it's pretty rare for women to be funny, not to hate on my own kind, but seriously there aren't a lot of funny female comedians. Anyway, props to Ellen. I ESPECIALLY appreciate that she loves to scare people as much as I do, and all her scaring videos are hilarious. I think my favorite Ellen clip is this one, it is amazing...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_V4jWLsTtM&feature=fvst
Nighty Night,
theGrump
Hate: Mike's Hard Lemonade. Luckily, I think even they are starting to realize what a horrible product they have. Nice try in the beginning trying to pawn it off to the ladies. Maybe some of them even went for it back in those days because, hey, lemonade is fucking delicious. Not this lemonade, girls. Obviously your devious plan has since backfired (shocker) most likely because people tasted it, although that probably wouldn't even be necessary. Even if you can get through one, drinking another is just out of the question. What is the point in drinking fucking Mike's Hard Lemonade if you aren't even going to be drunk. And now, your new commercials seem to be switching the audience to men. You know that commercial with the baseball players, the guy is distracted by the Mike's stand or something like that. Please, pleease Mike's Hard Lemonade company, tell me you didn't think this was in any way any man's alternative to beer when you first made it. Please tell me this is just your last ditch effort to save your retarded and disgusting product. I think for my own sanity I'll just believe that in my heart.
Love: Ellen DeGeneres. She is hilarious, and it's pretty rare for women to be funny, not to hate on my own kind, but seriously there aren't a lot of funny female comedians. Anyway, props to Ellen. I ESPECIALLY appreciate that she loves to scare people as much as I do, and all her scaring videos are hilarious. I think my favorite Ellen clip is this one, it is amazing...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_V4jWLsTtM&feature=fvst
Nighty Night,
theGrump
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Say What You're Thinking Right Now
Hate: People who comment on a changed facebook relationship status. It is always SO AWKWARD. I think the worst is when someone's status changes to single and people are all "OMG, what happened??!!" or "omg are you ok??" Notice how it always begins with "OMG." Number one, just fucking leave them alone, number two HOW can you not realize how awkward?? I physically cringe upon reading such a comment. If for some insane reason I ever changed my facebook status and someone who was friends with me on facebook commented or liked or what have I would juuuust kill them. Then unfriend them. Then probably bash them via my facebook account.
Love: Leapin' Lemurs. Delicious gluten free cereal. What's not to love? Chocolate and peanut butter flavors, helpin' out some lemurs, no gluten, it's the perfect cereal. I'm currently eating Gorilla Munch and it's leaving a serious void in my life that can only be remedied with teriyaki.
Okkkk, love you, byee
theGrump
Love: Leapin' Lemurs. Delicious gluten free cereal. What's not to love? Chocolate and peanut butter flavors, helpin' out some lemurs, no gluten, it's the perfect cereal. I'm currently eating Gorilla Munch and it's leaving a serious void in my life that can only be remedied with teriyaki.
Okkkk, love you, byee
theGrump
Monday, October 17, 2011
Hey Jealousy
Hate: Hulu+. Hulu, you are now officially the worst. If you were netflix everyone would be canceling their accounts right now. If I didn't need you to survive (aka watch The Daily Show and a select few others) I would be all about a boycott. First you go from one commercial every break to TWO commercials, and now you're trying to charge me?? Get the f out. Come on people, where is the outrage? What's a girl who can't afford cable to do?? Screw you Hulu.
Love: Sleeping. Self explanatory. Also I don't like the way explanatory is spelled.
Love,
theGrump
Love: Sleeping. Self explanatory. Also I don't like the way explanatory is spelled.
Love,
theGrump
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Mi Nina Bonita
OHHHHHH do I have a hate for you. Normally I write about little funny things that bother me because it's like oh haha yea that's annoying. Today I come to you as I am sleeping in the Bogota airport for the second fucking time this week with fury burning inside.
Hate: AIRES AIRLINES. Fuck you all. I have never had more problems with any airline or combination of airlines in my entire life. You are THE worst at doing your job. I have been in Colombia for a week. A single week. I have taken 2 Aires flights and both have just ended up being completely ridiculous. First, we'll go back to where it all began, flying from Bogota to Medellin at 11 on Sunday night. I was with a friend, all was well, we were very excited to go to Medellin and get to our hostel and do some fun stuff. (Hate within a hate, snoring in public. Dear fucking Colombian next to me if you KNOW you snore, do not fall asleep in public. I hope you have sleep apnea and suffocate. I will not save you.) So we get on our flight and take a little napski and almost an hour later we're waking up and they're talking over the intercom. It's really hard to understand spanish over an intercom when it's been years since you spoke it, but my friend at least is pretty fluent and she was like I thought I heard him say we're going back to Bogota. I was skeptical because the announcement didn't sound at all urgent and no one around us seemed at all upset so we decided that it was an "if" situation and we would probably still land in Medellin. There were no more announcements so we were like eh alright. We awake again and its been 2 hours and they are announcing that we're landing in Bogota. Ok Aires. I can deal. I'll even say that they handled it well getting us on flights the next day and sleeping arrangements and food and stuff. My friend and I end up getting a free domestic flight for offering to change our flights in the morning from 6 to 7:30. Awesome. So we're sleeping on the floor at the gate, it's almost time for our flight, but the 6 o'clock flight hasn't taken off because the Medellin airport is still closed. The airline, however, is not telling the passengers the Medellin airport is closed. They even board the flight, as we're getting on we're like oh so the airport is open? And they're like we haven't gotten word but we're going to board anyway. One time flying to Medellin and back with some pluses is funny, twice is just ridiculous. Also you haven't gotten word?? You are 2 airports an hour flight away from each other and we are in the 21st century call ANYONE at ANY TIME and see if it's open. So they board the flight and 99% of the passengers still have no idea that the Medellin airport isn't open. We end up leaving a little late and getting there and it's fine, but Aires, that was risky business. So I want to spend as much time out and about in Colombia as possible so I use my free flight with Aires to get a flight from Pereira to Bogota so I get there like 3.5 hours before my red eye flight home. There was also drama getting the free flight, I'll just say I know the customer service number by heart, in case you want to call and bother them and tell them they suck it's 018000949490. That's the number in Colombia, it probably won't work in the states but hey it was worth a shot. I wonder if I'll get in trouble for that... So I finally get my flight and get to the little Pereira airport with 3 terminals with every flight going to Bogota. Of course my flight gets delayed until 11:30, making me miss my red eye home. Awesome. So basically I don't know what to do. They won't even attempt to get me on one of the other flights (aka every flight) to Bogota with another company and I'd lose my free flight. My friend is still in Pereira but I don't know where and can't call, I could stay in Pereira and spend the night figuring out what to do but I'd lose the free flight and would eventually have to fly to Bogota to get home anyway. I could take the flight but then be stuck and sleeping alone in the Bogota airport because the airport is far away from the city and I'd have to be there early to figure out how I'm getting home anyway. How often can things go wrong with an airline? Seriously?? Right now they're at 100% which is impressive. So I decide to take the flight and figure it out in Bogota, I'm going into the waiting room for my flight and the girl there says my bag that I have never had to check in my life is too big. In all seriousness I didn't want to check it because I was so sure they were going to lose it in that short trip from terminal to plane because clearly none of them know what the fuck they're doing. So I have to check the bag, meanwhile when I sit down on the plane two people around me can't get their fucking rolly carry ons into the overhead compartment. You know whose suitcase would have fit?? Fucking. Mine. So here I am. Sitting alone in the Bogota airport at 2:30 AM. Writing this blog. There are 3 old Colombian men staring at me from all directions and one snoring his life away behind me and two security guards listening to terrible Spanish music loud as hell from a hand held radio to my left. Don't you guys have something better to be doing? Did I mention that I also might have to pay for my flight home? So thanks Aires, I really love being in this situation right now. I mean, of course I'm happy to pull another all nighter this week because of you. Great. Let's hope I can stay awake so my shit doesn't get stolen tonightt.
-_- (I have never used that emoticon before but I felt it was fitting in this situation.)
theGrump
Hate: AIRES AIRLINES. Fuck you all. I have never had more problems with any airline or combination of airlines in my entire life. You are THE worst at doing your job. I have been in Colombia for a week. A single week. I have taken 2 Aires flights and both have just ended up being completely ridiculous. First, we'll go back to where it all began, flying from Bogota to Medellin at 11 on Sunday night. I was with a friend, all was well, we were very excited to go to Medellin and get to our hostel and do some fun stuff. (Hate within a hate, snoring in public. Dear fucking Colombian next to me if you KNOW you snore, do not fall asleep in public. I hope you have sleep apnea and suffocate. I will not save you.) So we get on our flight and take a little napski and almost an hour later we're waking up and they're talking over the intercom. It's really hard to understand spanish over an intercom when it's been years since you spoke it, but my friend at least is pretty fluent and she was like I thought I heard him say we're going back to Bogota. I was skeptical because the announcement didn't sound at all urgent and no one around us seemed at all upset so we decided that it was an "if" situation and we would probably still land in Medellin. There were no more announcements so we were like eh alright. We awake again and its been 2 hours and they are announcing that we're landing in Bogota. Ok Aires. I can deal. I'll even say that they handled it well getting us on flights the next day and sleeping arrangements and food and stuff. My friend and I end up getting a free domestic flight for offering to change our flights in the morning from 6 to 7:30. Awesome. So we're sleeping on the floor at the gate, it's almost time for our flight, but the 6 o'clock flight hasn't taken off because the Medellin airport is still closed. The airline, however, is not telling the passengers the Medellin airport is closed. They even board the flight, as we're getting on we're like oh so the airport is open? And they're like we haven't gotten word but we're going to board anyway. One time flying to Medellin and back with some pluses is funny, twice is just ridiculous. Also you haven't gotten word?? You are 2 airports an hour flight away from each other and we are in the 21st century call ANYONE at ANY TIME and see if it's open. So they board the flight and 99% of the passengers still have no idea that the Medellin airport isn't open. We end up leaving a little late and getting there and it's fine, but Aires, that was risky business. So I want to spend as much time out and about in Colombia as possible so I use my free flight with Aires to get a flight from Pereira to Bogota so I get there like 3.5 hours before my red eye flight home. There was also drama getting the free flight, I'll just say I know the customer service number by heart, in case you want to call and bother them and tell them they suck it's 018000949490. That's the number in Colombia, it probably won't work in the states but hey it was worth a shot. I wonder if I'll get in trouble for that... So I finally get my flight and get to the little Pereira airport with 3 terminals with every flight going to Bogota. Of course my flight gets delayed until 11:30, making me miss my red eye home. Awesome. So basically I don't know what to do. They won't even attempt to get me on one of the other flights (aka every flight) to Bogota with another company and I'd lose my free flight. My friend is still in Pereira but I don't know where and can't call, I could stay in Pereira and spend the night figuring out what to do but I'd lose the free flight and would eventually have to fly to Bogota to get home anyway. I could take the flight but then be stuck and sleeping alone in the Bogota airport because the airport is far away from the city and I'd have to be there early to figure out how I'm getting home anyway. How often can things go wrong with an airline? Seriously?? Right now they're at 100% which is impressive. So I decide to take the flight and figure it out in Bogota, I'm going into the waiting room for my flight and the girl there says my bag that I have never had to check in my life is too big. In all seriousness I didn't want to check it because I was so sure they were going to lose it in that short trip from terminal to plane because clearly none of them know what the fuck they're doing. So I have to check the bag, meanwhile when I sit down on the plane two people around me can't get their fucking rolly carry ons into the overhead compartment. You know whose suitcase would have fit?? Fucking. Mine. So here I am. Sitting alone in the Bogota airport at 2:30 AM. Writing this blog. There are 3 old Colombian men staring at me from all directions and one snoring his life away behind me and two security guards listening to terrible Spanish music loud as hell from a hand held radio to my left. Don't you guys have something better to be doing? Did I mention that I also might have to pay for my flight home? So thanks Aires, I really love being in this situation right now. I mean, of course I'm happy to pull another all nighter this week because of you. Great. Let's hope I can stay awake so my shit doesn't get stolen tonightt.
-_- (I have never used that emoticon before but I felt it was fitting in this situation.)
theGrump
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Keepin' it Real
As today was the first fall like day of Seattle and I played some frisbee, I was reminded of this hate that I will soon be encountering a lot due to the weather...
Hate: Half turtlenecks. We all know how I feel about things touching my neck so half turtlenecks are just the worst of the worst. It just SITS right on the most uncomfortable part of your neck...ALL THE TIME! I refuse to believe that is in any way comfortable, not to mention you look like a fucking idiot. I don't care about the fraction of a degree it warms your body, you look retarded. If you really need to protect your neck THAT much from a cold breeze, you need to go all out and get like a face and neck warmer or something. And if it isn't cold enough for that...it's too warm for the half turtleneck. In fact, there is never an appropriate temperature for the half turtleneck. No excuses. I will say that a half turtleneck in an under armour-like material is MARGINALLY more acceptable than a jersey one. The jersey half turtleneck is a dead giveaway of your nerdity. In all seriousness I wouldn't talk to you. Under armour is practically a necessity for playing sports when it's cold and it's almost hard to find ones that don't have the half turtleneck, but I mean...look harder bitches. It's that important. I will admit that I have one fake under armour that I got on sale at Target that is a half turtle neck, but since I don't even understand how you can wear something around your neck like that...I cut a slit so it's hardly a half turtleneck anymore. In case it wasn't clear to you before, now you know half turtlenecks are in no way ok. Ever.
Love: Mariah Carey's Christmas album...embarrassing...
Peace dudes,
theGrump
Hate: Half turtlenecks. We all know how I feel about things touching my neck so half turtlenecks are just the worst of the worst. It just SITS right on the most uncomfortable part of your neck...ALL THE TIME! I refuse to believe that is in any way comfortable, not to mention you look like a fucking idiot. I don't care about the fraction of a degree it warms your body, you look retarded. If you really need to protect your neck THAT much from a cold breeze, you need to go all out and get like a face and neck warmer or something. And if it isn't cold enough for that...it's too warm for the half turtleneck. In fact, there is never an appropriate temperature for the half turtleneck. No excuses. I will say that a half turtleneck in an under armour-like material is MARGINALLY more acceptable than a jersey one. The jersey half turtleneck is a dead giveaway of your nerdity. In all seriousness I wouldn't talk to you. Under armour is practically a necessity for playing sports when it's cold and it's almost hard to find ones that don't have the half turtleneck, but I mean...look harder bitches. It's that important. I will admit that I have one fake under armour that I got on sale at Target that is a half turtle neck, but since I don't even understand how you can wear something around your neck like that...I cut a slit so it's hardly a half turtleneck anymore. In case it wasn't clear to you before, now you know half turtlenecks are in no way ok. Ever.
Love: Mariah Carey's Christmas album...embarrassing...
Peace dudes,
theGrump
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